


you, my compass and my sea

by mazzawitz



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 45,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazzawitz/pseuds/mazzawitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots and little glimpses into how Beck and Johanssen became Chris and Beth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wizards and duels and dragons, oh my!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey-o! I’m mazzawitz on Tumblr, and I thought it was about time for me to give all my Johanbeck fics another home, especially since there might be interested readers here who haven’t come across these stories yet. 
> 
> I’m planning on posting fics as an ongoing series of one-shots, and since most of what I’ve written hasn’t necessarily gone in chronological order, I’ll post them here in the order of events rather than in the order of how I originally wrote them. I’ll post one every few days or something like that, I dunno. And whenever I write something new (ie: not already posted on Tumblr) it’ll live here as well. 
> 
> Posting fics on Tumblr has been so non-interactive lately with the lack of replies and everything, and I feel like I haven’t really gotten to hear what people have thought of these lil’ stories. So I’d love to hear more from y’all here. 
> 
> Hoping you enjoy whether you’re a reader new or old.
> 
> (PS: title is from "Milk & Black Spiders" by Foals)

Chris and Beth got along from the beginning. They’d seen each other around the NASA world a few times before and during their Ares 3 selection process, but it wasn’t until their first day assembled as a full crew that they had a real conversation. It was clear right away that they were the most similar to each other–-they were the two youngest, they didn’t have families, they were curious, and smart, and at similar stages of their lives. They were bound to be good, solid friends and sources of support for each other in the years that lay ahead.

The whole crew clicked, really. Nobody expressed their relief out loud, but they all felt it–-they couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be immediately turned off or annoyed by someone, considering the next several years that they’d spend in close proximity.

That first week, when Commander Lewis pulled the four guys aside and (firmly, but with a smile) told them that she’d kick them off the mission if they tried to flirt with Beth Johanssen, Chris Beck didn’t think of anything of it. Yeah, she was cool, and he enjoyed her company, but he was a professional who was here to do his job. It wouldn’t be a problem for him.

Boy, was he wrong about that.

\---

The first two months, more or less, were fine. All six crew members hadn’t yet fully exhausted that initial buzz of excitement about being chosen for the mission. When the long days of training–-always rewarding, but still draining–-began to take a toll on the crew, though, their bond really started to form. There’s nothing like being so exhausted from your fifth underwater spacesuit motion simulation of the day that you and your five fellow astronauts can do nothing more but lay in a group pile on the floor and try to make each other laugh. Everyone gradually learned each other’s ins and outs, which made for a greater sense of camaraderie, not to mention a greater source of material for mockery. (That one guy has a PhD in botany? That’s joke material that’ll last a lifetime.)

One morning during that second month, Beck showed up for the day’s training far earlier than usual, because he wanted to comb through one of the medical databases on the fancy NASA computer system. What he didn’t expect to see when he stopped into one of the cafeterias to pick up some coffee, though, was Beth Johanssen. She was slumped over her laptop, one hand supporting her hoodie-covered head and the other moving furiously across the keyboard, controlling whatever game was flashing on her screen.

She didn’t look up when Beck entered the room, but he quickly realized that her headphones were drowning out the rest of the world. Amused, he circled around the table, bent over to her eye level, and waved once he was directly opposite her.

Her eyes shot up. “Oh, hey!” she said as she paused the game and ripped off her headphones. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Beck responded as he dropped his backpack on the table and turned toward the coffee maker on the counter. He couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she was small enough to manage curling up all her limbs on the cheap plastic chair.

She cracked a grin that quickly turned into a yawn. “I had to take my neighbor to the airport at the asscrack of dawn, and it wasn’t worth it to drive all the way home before coming here,” she said as she adjusted her position to sit up straight. “I wanted to take a nap, but that couch by the escalators smelled like salsa. It was disgusting.”

Beck laughed as he stirred milk into his coffee. “You want a refill?” he asked, motioning to her empty cup.

“Yes. Always. Thanks.” She handed him her cup across the table. “So what about you?”

“I was going to go through the space medicine database they have here. There’s some obscure article I read in college that I’ve been trying to find ever since.”

“Nerd,” she said as she reached out to accept her refilled cup from Beck, who responded with an exaggerated scowl.

“What are you playing?”

“C'mere,” she beckoned. “Even nerdier shit than that.” Beck took a seat next to her and sipped his coffee as he studied the screen.

“It’s like wizards and duels and dragons and all that stuff. But the greatest thing is that you’re the bad guy so you go around shooting fire at everything,” she explained as she started up again. He had no idea how she could multitask talking and manning the controls without even looking at the keyboard.

“I love shooting fire. It’s so great. No, no… shit.” She groaned.

Beck, in his amused spectatorship, could infer that she’d missed her target and set fire to something she, well, shouldn’t have set fire to. He chuckled and watched in a contented silence as she restarted the game and played a few more rounds, narrating her every move in the weird wizard world the whole time.

“Here, you try,” she said after a while, angling her laptop toward him. He started to protest, but she beat him to it with an explanation of how to move with the arrow keys and use the spacebar to shoot fire.

“Fine, but I’ll probably suck,” he joked. He started a new round, orienting himself with the controls as Johanssen called out directions and told him where to shoot. After a few minutes, he hadn’t even noticed the huge smile that had spread across his face as he played.

“Go, go, go!” she called out, pointing at the screen where an ugly little troll was attempting to flee.

“Oh come back here, you little bastard,” Beck sneered as he tried to catch up. He snuck a look to his left and observed Beth’s excited gestures as she ordered him to unleash the fire. He complied, setting the poor little troll aflame as she laughed and applauded.

“You’re not bad,” she joked as she raised her hand for a high-five, which he accepted.

“Man. That’s some good stuff,” he replied, before finishing his last swig of coffee.

Just then, two of NASA’s spaceflight trainers drifted into the cafeteria, meaning that the real start of the day had arrived.

“So much for your nerd article,” Beth said as she closed her laptop.

“Eh. This was more fun,” he responded with a smile.

They each flung their backpacks over their shoulders, greeting the trainers as they left the room to head toward the astronaut locker rooms. As he walked, Chris wondered why he couldn’t get the image of Beth’s animated face tucked away in that grey NASA hoodie out of his head. Why? Because it was really cute, that’s why. They were all big fans of the hoodie as an exhaustion-fueled fashion statement, but only Beth actually wore the hood. 

He smiled to himself. It was really cute. 

Shit.


	2. The Mars Numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we all needed to know a little more about this (from the book by Andy Weir):  
> 
>
>>   
>  _The egress order had been determined years earlier. A month before launch, we all got tattoos of our Mars numbers. Johanssen almost refused to get her 15 because she was afraid it would hurt. Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle._   
> 
> 
>   
> 

“Martinez, should we tell the others our plan?”

Four Ares III crew members turned their heads to their commander in confusion. Her tone was slightly… mischievous? Was it possible? Lewis could appreciate a good joke, but this still seemed out-of-character.

“Yes indeed,” responded Martinez with a devilish grin. “It’s time.”

It was lunchtime on training day number five billion, or at least that’s what it felt like. They were so close to their launch date they could feel it, but even though they’d completed the bulk of their intensive training by now, they still had a month’s worth of long, preparatory days ahead of them.

The six crewmates were gathered around a single table in the Johnson Space Center cafeteria, which didn’t happen very often. They usually used their lunch breaks to call their families (Vogel), take a nap (Johanssen), or just get away from the neverending NASA madness for an hour (everyone else). Lewis had specifically assembled them here today, though.

“So, Rick and I have an idea,” she began. Again, that tone of mischief. What the hell was going on?

She continued, “This may surprise you a bit coming from me, but frankly, I think it’d be hilarious. Something fun and spontaneous to offset the fact that almost every action we take in the next year will be expertly planned and scrutinized.” She paused. “Let’s all get tiny little tattoos of our Mars numbers before we launch.”

Mars numbers: a source of pride for any Ares astronaut. If your Mars number was three, you were the third human to step on Mars. Ten, tenth. And so on. The crew already knew their numbers--the order had been established well in advance.

Martinez surveyed the table to see his crewmates’ reactions. Watney’s, of course, could be heard instead of seen. (He shouted “Yes!” and stuck a chip in his mouth.) Vogel raised his eyebrows. Beck, in addition to raising his eyebrows, quickly adopted a smile. Johanssen… Well, Johanssen looked like she’d just seen a ghost.

“Little ones,” Lewis assured. “To remind ourselves we’re really doing this.”

“A been there, done that sort of thing,” added Martinez. “Like when people who go to the Olympics get the rings tattooed on them.”

“Yeah, ‘cause only so few people in the world can say that. It’s badass,” Watney chimed in.

“Sounds like Mark’s in,” said Martinez, looking expectantly at the others.

“I’m down,” said Beck.

Johanssen’s head whipped around so fast you could probably hear the air whoosh. “Are you serious?!” she exclaimed, her expression incredulous.

Beck made a face and shrugged. “Why not?”

She opened her mouth to retaliate, but stopped short, as if she didn’t know what to say. Her mouth agape, she continued. “Shouldn’t you have, like, some speech about tattoos being unnatural and bad for your health or something?”

A look of amusement spread across Beck’s face as she spoke. He shared a glance with Martinez, both clearly surprised by her reaction.

“It’d just be a tiny little thing!” Beck insisted. Johanssen frowned. She was not convinced.

“Not a fan of tattoos, huh?” Martinez asked, trying to hide his grin.

“No, I just…” she started, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. “Doesn’t that, like… hurt?”

Beck let out a loud, sharp laugh before slapping his hand across his mouth. He turned to Johanssen on his left, attempting to apologize with his eyes, just as she set down her glass of water and smacked her arm hard across his chest in punishment.

“Asshole,” she muttered. Lewis rolled her eyes; The others watched in amusement.

“Hurt?” Beck exclaimed as he stifled his laughter. “You went inside a centrifuge last week, for christ’s sake!” He knew her best out of anyone on the crew, and even he couldn’t believe she was so opposed to the idea.

“That is so not the same thing,” she protested.

“Yeeeaaah, you’re totally right,” deadpanned Martinez. “A tattoo needle is way more horrifying than a 10g centrifuge.”

“Vogel, please tell me you’ll back me up here,” Johanssen asked across the table.

He shrugged. “A tattoo wouldn’t be the craziest thing we’ve ever agreed to. We’re going to Mars next month.”

“Atta boy!” Watney cheered, smacking the German on the shoulder.

She scowled at them both and turned her attention to Commander Lewis. “You’re seriously on board with this?”

“I am,” she smiled. “Come on, it’ll be good crew bonding. As if we haven’t had enough of that.”

After a few moments, Johanssen leaned back and folded her arms across her chest. She looked across the table at her crewmates. “I hate you all.”

Watney slammed his hands down on the table. “Sounds like a yes to me!”

“I didn’t say anything,” Johanssen retorted, fighting the urge to laugh.

“Great,” said Watney. “So, what’s the plan?”

“We’ll go tomorrow during lunch,” Lewis said. “We found a place nearby. These will probably be the least complicated tattoos they’ve ever done, so they said it shouldn’t take long.”

Johanssen grimaced. Beck was the only one who noticed; the others were all focused on Lewis. He caught her eye and raised his eyebrows in silent question. She did her best to scowl in response, but she couldn’t keep it up for long. Her expression started to match his smile faster than she could control, so she rolled her eyes and looked back at Lewis.

Try as she might to hide behind her hoodie, Beck could still see Johanssen smirking. This was no different than an average interaction between them, but Beck was glad to see she wasn’t pissed about his little outburst of laughter. Funny as it was, he did feel bad about that.

As Lewis finished detailing the game plan, she turned her attention to Johanssen. “And Beth, nobody’s going to make you get a tattoo,” she promised. “We’d love for you to join us, but you don’t have to.”

“Except, you know, when the Martian aliens see you don’t have one, they’ll assume you’re not one of us and they’ll take you away for questioning,” Watney said without missing a beat. “So just make sure you factor that into your decision.”

Johanssen threw a carrot at him as Lewis declared the end of their lunch meeting. The second half of the day lay ahead of them.

\---

Two years ago, 9pm was early evening for Beth Johanssen. The thought of getting tired that early would have appalled the Beth of the past. NASA boot camp, however, had changed her habits. She usually got home sometime around 7pm every night, exhausted physically, mentally, or most of the time, a combination of the two.

She had fallen into a routine of opening the door of her apartment, dropping her backpack on the ground, and walking directly to her couch, where she’d proceed to flop down and remain motionless for at least 30 minutes. Most nights, she’d then put something from the freezer into the microwave before sitting down at her computer to catch up on what she missed all day. Tonight, her 30 minutes on the couch turned into an accidental two-hour nap.

The sound of a text message notification finally woke her up. When she retrieved her phone (which had fallen to the ground), the first thing she noticed was the time.

“Jesus,” she muttered.

The next thing she noticed was the message itself.

> From: Chris Beck  
>  You still pondering the wrath of the needle?

She rolled over onto her stomach and smiled to herself. If her observation that she felt disproportionately happy when she got a text from Chris compared to texts from the rest of her teammates was correct, nobody besides her needed to know.

> BJ: If accidentally falling asleep for two hours counts as pondering, then yes  
>  CB: Impressive. Well in the name of shameless propaganda, here’s a picture of the US olympic swim team looking cool as hell with their tattoos  
>  CB: Tell me you don’t want to look that cool  
>  CB: THIS COULD BE US!!!

She was pretty sure her heart wasn’t supposed to skip a beat when she read the phrase “This could be us.” _Beth, what the hell._ Add it to the ongoing list of confusing thoughts she’d had about Chris Beck that she kept hidden in the very back of her head. Someday she would have to confront that list, but for now, she didn’t have the time nor the energy to understand why it even existed. The longer she could avoid it, the better.

> BJ: But they’re olympians so they’re superhuman freaks who can handle being stabbed repeatedly with a needle  
>  CB: I’d argue that there are some who would say you’re a superhuman freak for going to Mars  
>  BJ: But I signed up for explosive rockets and dangerous radiation, not STABBING  
>  CB: It’s just a little pricking! And it would be so small, it’d be over in a matter of minutes  
>  BJ: How do you know, got some regrettable hidden tattoo that I don’t know about?

Back in his own apartment, Beck smiled and took another bite of the bowl of cereal that he was counting as his dinner. He had a feeling that most of his fellow NASA astronauts took their evenings at home as a chance to take a break from the people they spent all day with, but that was never the case for him. Well, it wasn’t the case for him and one of the people he spent all day with. He and Beth didn’t talk every night--as much as he’d like to, he feared that might be a little overbearing--but it wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to pick up right where they left off when they went their separate ways at the end of the day. Nights they didn’t talk were basically just countdowns to when he would be around her again the next day.

> CB: I wish I was that scandalous, but sadly no, I’m just as boring as ever  
>  BJ: Pfff boring is hardly the word I’d use  
>  BJ: Have you decided where you’re getting yours?

Would it be too much for him to ask what word she _would_ use? Probably, yeah. Sigh.

> CB: I’m not sure but probably somewhere on my side, like where a shirt would cover it up  
>  CB: If you decide to get one, you should go for either side of your upper back or the very top of your arms, there are less super sensitive bones there  
>  BJ: Look at you, you didn’t go to med school for nothin!  
>  CB: Hell yeah. I’m writing a tattoo self-help book when we get back.  
>  CB: But for real, my final plea: when we’re all old farts who can’t walk we can reassemble and be like “look at us! We went to Mars and we have the tattoos to show it” and we’ll feel young and hip even though we’ll probably be wearing diapers.  
>  CB: CONNECTED 4 EVER, you feel me?

Beth felt a weird, unexpected wave of emotion wash over her as she read. She’d never really stopped to think about the fact that someday, they’d all go their separate ways and just be people who went to Mars a really long time ago. She didn’t like the idea of that. (Or did she especially not like the idea of going her separate ways from a certain person? Shit. Add it to the list.)

> BJ: I do. It would be pretty badass.  
>  BJ: I’m just still super not about the whole stabbing thing  
>  CB: It’ll be over before you know it. And I can be on standby to personally ensure there is no stabbing.  
>  BJ: Uggghhhh fine maaaaaaybe  
>  BJ: I’m committing to nothing  
>  BJ: We’ll see how brave I am in the moment  
>  CB: If you’re good maybe they’ll even let you pick out a sticker and a lollipop when it’s over  
>  BJ: UGH SHUT UP I’m going to bed 

\---

The next day was normal, except for the fact that, you know, they were going to go get tattoos in the middle of it.

When the dreaded lunch hour finally came around, Johanssen begrudgingly piled into Martinez’s minivan with the rest of her crewmates. (He and his wife had switched cars today so they could all fit in one. They’d really planned this thing out.)

Inside the tattoo parlor of doom, they took seats in the waiting area and were greeted by the artist who they would be working with. Lewis, fearless leader that she was, offered to go first.

When she returned, she showed them the new little tattoo on the inside of her right heel. Beck volunteered next, and the other three guys went back with him, claiming they wanted to “observe the process” before submitting themselves to it. Johanssen, naturally, accused them all of being scared.

After a while, Beck and Vogel returned together. “Alright boys, let’s see,” Lewis said from her chair.

Beck lifted up his shirt, showing his number tattooed about six inches below his left armpit. Vogel did the same, his tattoo in the same area, except on the opposite side.

If Johanssen’s eyes lingered on Beck’s exposed side longer than they did on Vogel’s, she wasn’t about to admit it. She banished the thought from her head as quickly as it had popped up.

Finally, Watney and Martinez returned, along with the tattoo artist.

“One more, right?” asked the artist.

All eyes turned to Johanssen, curled up in her chair with her arms crossed. She looked at Beck, who raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side in question.

“Come on, we’ll all go in with you!” said Martinez.

Scowling, she stood up and lowered the hood of her sweatshirt. “No, I will _not_ have you morons giggling at me while I suffer,” she sneered. She glared at the guys as she headed toward the tattoo artist, but grasped Beck’s right arm as she passed him, pulling him out of his chair. “You come with me,” she said, tugging him along into the room.

Watney turned to Martinez and raised his eyebrows amidst the group’s cheers. Had Lewis not been there, an inappropriate joke surely would’ve been made.

Inside the small room, Beck smiled as Johanssen released her grip on his arm and followed the artist’s directions to sit down in the big chair. He leaned against the wall in a content silence as he watched her listen to the explanation of procedures.

“Where do you want it?” asked the artist.

“Uh…” she mumbled as she unzipped and took off her hoodie, revealing a plain grey tank top underneath. “Up here,” she said, pointing to her exposed right upper back.

Beck scrunched his brow. She never wore tank tops. (Not that he paid attention or anything.) She must have already decided to go for it when she got dressed this morning. Meaning that he must have convinced her last night after all. He looked down and smiled to himself.

“You better be right about this no stabbing thing,” she said, causing him to look up.

“No stabbing,” Beck said with a smile. “Promise.”

He watched as the artist got ready to begin. When he raised the needle and turned toward Johanssen, she grimaced and formed a tight grip around the chair’s armrest, the tension clearly visible in her trembling arm.

Beck couldn’t just stand there. He noticed a folding chair to his left and set it up next to her, offering his hand. Johanssen looked at him with a half-scowl/half-smile and rolled her eyes as she accepted it. “You’re not allowed to tell anyone about this,” she said. He just smiled in reply.

“Ready?” asked the artist.

“Mmhmm,” she replied, squeezing Beck’s hand in nervous anticipation.

He started the process. “Jesus!” she screeched as the needle touched her skin.

“You’re good, you’re all good,” Beck encouraged as he watched.

Johanssen squeezed her eyes shut and dug her nails into Beck’s skin, but she didn’t protest as the process continued.

Beck added his free hand to the stack, gently squeezing hers underneath. “Okay, the 1’s done, now on to the 5,” he said. “Almost done.” She scrunched her nose and nodded. “Not that bad, right?” he asked. Her eyes shot open and darted to the left to glare at him. He held back his urge to laugh.

“Just a few more seconds,” said the artist. “Aaaaand, done!”

Johanssen relaxed her hand but didn’t let go of Beck’s as she felt the needle leave her skin. She looked back over her shoulder to see the little 15. To her own surprise, she smiled. All of a sudden, she understood what the others had meant. It did feel cool that she was the only person in the world who could get this tattoo and have it mean what it did.

“How’s it look?” she asked Beck.

He leaned back and observed. “Good. Super badass,” he said with a smile.

The artist cleaned up the area of her skin and gave her the same speech about taking care of the new tattoo that he’d given all the others. Only when he told her she was clear to put her hoodie back on did she let go of Beck’s hand.

They both finally stood up and joined the others in the waiting area, where Johanssen received a slightly facetious round of applause from her crewmates.

“How’d she do?” Watney asked Beck, slapping his hand down on the doctor’s shoulder.

“Very well,” he answered. “Like an old pro.”

“Let’s see!” Lewis asked. Johanssen took off the right side of her hoodie and showed the proof.

“Hey wait, let’s take a picture,” said Watney. “All of us with our bandages. And then we can take one when they’re all healed.”

The crew complied, all lining up and displaying their battle scars. The parlor’s receptionist took the photo on Watney’s phone, which he quickly forwarded on to all his crewmates.

Beck smiled as he opened up the message and viewed the picture. All six of them had Mars stamped on them for life now. His eyes lingered on Johanssen, who had faced the opposite direction to show her back, but had looked over her shoulder at the camera, a genuine smile on her face. God, she was gorgeous.

He sure hoped they’d be connected by more than a tattoo for the rest of their lives, but this seemed like a pretty decent place to start.


	3. Reporting live from space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: This is a little more full crew-y than johanbeck-y, and setting is pre-Mars arrival (for the first time). 
> 
> It's written to be another Ares 3 crew video that they shoot for everyone back on Earth. Hopefully it’s easy to visualize like [the first video that we all know and love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CumZP6_9sHU)!

“Shit. This again?”

Mark Watney fumbled with his camera.

“I thought I figured out this bullshit last time… Oh, there we go. Hi, everyone, this is Mark Watney again. Clearly, my competency with this camera has not increased at the same speed at which my distance from Earth has.”

The camera showed a jumpsuit-clad Mark floating in one of the corridors of the _Hermes_. He was making his way across the ship, but with one hand holding the camera and only one to propel himself along the walls, he sure wasn’t moving very quickly.

“Anyway, this is going to be the last video we’re able to send for a while, since we’re just about to get too far away for the whole sending-a-huge-video-file-through-space thing to work anymore. The crew and I decided to kinda just take you through a day of our operations up here, a little bit like the first video we made a few months ago. Except I think you’ve all heard enough of my narration, or at least Johanssen has while she edits these things to send back to you, so we’re going to switch it up a bit.”

He turned the camera around, revealing a view of the bridge as he slowly approached Martinez in his pilot’s seat, much like the first video the crew sent from their last few hours in Earth orbit.

Watney continued. “We’re each gonna play director for a while and follow around someone else. Then that person will go follow whomever they happen to run into next. It’ll be wild.” He switched the camera back to his face. “Hey, every day up here is pretty similar to the rest. We take what excitement we can get, okay?”

“Dude, if your idea of excitement is watching me while I do boring stuff like write a diagnostic report, we’re gonna have to have a little talk,” Martinez joked as the camera switched back to him.

“Diagnostic reports are awesome, man. Usually they mean we’re still alive,” Watney fired back.

“You just better hope he did the tests correctly,” came Johanssen’s voice from her station off-camera.

Martinez whipped his head around in fake annoyance. “Excuse me, Johanssen, this is my time to shine. No interruptions.”

The sound cut out after a few seconds of giggles and switched to a whole new setting. (Johanssen really liked the whole “non-live video” thing. She could say whatever she wanted and then edit it out later.)

“Welcome to our space gym,” Watney said as he panned the camera over the assortment of treadmills and weights. “And say hi to our whiniest gym user.”  
He settled the camera on Martinez, running on the treadmill, and received a scowl in reply.

“You try not whining when you’ve been a boxer your whole life specifically to avoid running,” he huffed between breaths.

“It’s okay buddy, just think about the fact that you’ll actually be able to use your legs once we get to Mars,” Watney said with grin.

Martinez raised his arm to flip Watney off, which Johanssen later covered up with an image of a lightsaber later during editing.

“Alright, Rick’s just about done here, so I’m declaring this my official passing of the torch. He’s in charge now. Brace yourselves.”

\---

The video started up again with a shot of post-run Martinez as he made his way back across the gym and up the ladder.

“I did you all a favor by waiting to start recording until I’d had a shower. Not that we’ve invented cameras with smelling abilities yet.” He flipped the camera around to show his view. “Time to find someone else. I don’t know who it’s gonna be. But I have a one-in-four chance of guessing correctly, so… Hey-ooooo!”

Lewis popped into the frame, emerging from the ladder that led to the labs. She smiled and rolled her eyes when she realized what was happening.  
“Say hello to our good commander, people!” She waved. “Tell the people what you’ve been up to so far today.”

Lewis grabbed onto a handle on the wall to keep herself in place. “Well, I was just down in the lab checking in with Beck on some of his experiments. Before that, I had a chat with Johanssen about some reactor maintenance she did. Now I’m headed up to the bridge to write a report to send back to NASA along with this little video of ours.”

“Good stuff, good stuff. I’ll follow you to the bridge and pester you until you tell me to leave. So tell me, what do you think the people of Earth think of us hooligans up here? Think they trust us to be mankind’s explorers or whatever we are?”

She looked back and gave Martinez a pointed look as she climbed into her chair on the bridge, but couldn’t contain her laughter. “We’re very hardworking, responsible hooligans,” she said to the camera.

“But you admit we are hooligans.”

Lewis rolled her eyes again. “Speak for yourself.”

Martinez flipped the camera around to show his face. “There you have it. It’s been confirmed that the crew members of the Ares 3 mission to Mars are, in fact, complete and total hooligans. Tonight, the nation reacts. I’m Rick Martinez reporting from deep space.”

“Oh, just leave me with the stupid camera already,” Lewis groaned.

Martinez erupted in another giggle fit.

\---

“Well, it’s about lunchtime, so I guess you’re coming with me to eat since I’m on camera duty,” Lewis said as she made her way down the ladder to the rec. The camera showed her feet land on the ground with a soft thud. “Let’s see if we find anyone else.”

She lifted the camera and turned around as she approached the small kitchen setup. “Look who it is. Our systems operator, Beth Johanssen, buried deep in her laptop as usual.”

Johanssen looked up. “Hey Earth. How’s it hangin’?”

“Why don’t you give everyone a culinary tour of your lunch choices?”

“Ah, sure,” Johanssen said, turning to her food. “Here we have the finest PB&J on this side of the galaxy. Sometimes you need something really boring and normal while you’re doing something as not boring and not normal as traveling through space. And then I’ve got some potato chips over here. Basically the equivalent of a first grader’s lunchbox.”

“You know, that actually sounds so good,” admitted Lewis. “I may just have to join you.”

“Do it.”

The video cut to a shot of a packaged sandwich and a bag of chips on a plate after Lewis had gathered her lunch and sat down. She propped the camera against a glass so it faced Johanssen while they ate together.

“So Beth,” Lewis began. “If you told yourself from ten years ago that you were currently an astronaut on your way to Mars, what would she say?”

Johanssen let out a cackle. “Oh, god. I probably would’ve laughed and then asked to be left alone so I could either go back to sleep or get more coffee. I was still in college.”

Lewis laughed. “Mars wasn’t quite on your radar yet?”

“Not at all.” She shook her head and smiled to herself. “I was always interested in space, and I read a lot about it growing up. But I never even considered the idea of coming here until I’d started programming for the _Hermes_.”

Lewis picked up the camera and circled it once around the room. “It’s true, ladies and gentlemen. This big, beautiful spaceship of ours functions and keeps us all alive because of the software this lady built for it.”

“ _Helped_ build,” Johanssen said with a pointed smile as the camera returned to her.

“You can be modest, but I can brag about you. What’s on your agenda for the rest of the day?”

Johanssen pursed her lips in thought. “Well, I assume I get to play with the camera next, right?”

“Right.”

“So I’ll do that, and then I’ll download the data dump and send everyone our emails from home. And then I suppose I’ll have the distinct pleasure of editing together this little video and seeing all the dumb stuff everybody said.”

“I’m sure there will be plenty of it,” Lewis laughed, turning the camera back to herself. “That’s it from me. Wave to the sky tonight, everybody. We’ll wave back.”

\---

In the next shot, Beth floated through the ship, camera pointed toward herself.

“If you’ve been keeping score at home, you know my options are getting limited here. There are only two of the guys left for me to find.” She grabbed a handle and lowered herself down a ladder. “I bet I know where Beck is, so I’m gonna look for him first.”

She flipped the camera as she started down the hallway past the crew quarters. “This is my room,” she said, pointing to the door with the number two on it. “But we’re not going in there, because I’ve let it get embarrassingly messy considering how little we actually bring up here with us.”

When she got to the med bay at the end of the hall, she poked her head inside. “Just like I thought,” she smirked, aiming the camera at Beck. “I knew you’d either be here or in the lab ‘cause you’re a giant nerd.” 

He glared at the camera but couldn’t hide the smile he was fighting. “That’s the introduction you give Earth of me?”

She shrugged behind the camera. “Well I’m assuming anyone watching this is also a giant nerd so they’ll already know who you are. How about a tour of the med bay for your adoring fans?”

“I can do that,” Beck laughed as he stood up and stretched. He watched Johanssen take a seat atop the exam table.

“I’ll start,” she said. “Tiniest exam table ever. Where we come sit every other week so Beck can make sure we’re not dying or whatever.” She pointed the camera back at him. “Take it away.”

“Alright. Well, most of the equipment in here is stuff we hope we never have to use. Like this x-ray machine,” he said, pointing to the device. “They send us up here pretty well-equipped to handle just about anything short of full-blown surgery.”

“And when you say ‘us,’ you mean you, since the rest of us only know how like 50% of this stuff works,” she added.

“Your words, not mine.”

Johanssen snickered as Beck scanned the rest of the room. “Hmm, what else we got… Motion sickness pills,” he said, holding up the container. “They’re more useful than you’d expect. Even though we can’t feel how fast we’re moving up here, the whole ship-spinning-constantly thing can be a doozy if you look outside for too long.”

“Did you just say ‘doozy’?”

“Did you just come in here to call me a nerd and mock me?”

“Yup. So what are you working on?”

Beck smiled and picked up the tablet he’d been using when she came in. “Going through everybody’s workout stats from the last 48 hours,” he said as he scrolled through the program for the camera. “Whenever we use the gym, we wear a couple of devices that monitor our heart rate and stuff like that, then I keep track of the data to make sure we’re ‘not dying or whatever,’ to use Beth’s expert medical terminology.”

“You’re hilaaaarious,” Johanssen said dryly from behind the camera. “You should’ve skipped med school and taken a standup routine on the road instead.”

“But then who would make sure you’re not dying?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

She let out an exaggerated sigh as she switched the camera back to her face. “Do you see what I’m dealing with up here?”

Beck laughed, and she handed the camera over to him. “Go find Vogel.”

“Is he the only one left?” he asked.

“Ja.”

More giggles, followed by another shot change.

\---

“Okay, now for the reason we’re all up here,” Beck said as he rounded a corner into the lab. “Science!”

Vogel turned around from the lab table where he was working and waved at the camera.

Beck zoomed in on the German flag on Vogel’s jumpsuit as he approached him. “I give you: the coolest German in the world. Who’s not actually in the world right now.”

“Hello,” he smiled. “I was wondering when this camera would find me.”

“Best for last buddy,” Beck said. “Show everyone what you’re doing.”

“Well,” Vogel started, turning back to the laptop and papers in front of him. “I am doing some of our course calculations for the ship. This is really not necessary because the ship is programmed to do it all for us. But sometimes it is fun to do it anyway.”

“Doing complicated astrophysics calculations for fun. And Johanssen called _me_ a nerd.”

Vogel laughed. “I do not think this word ‘nerd’ has very much meaning for people like us. We are all on our way to Mars, after all.”

Beck swung the camera around to his face. “Alex Vogel dropping truth bombs.” He turned it back to the German. “How about you tell Earth about the first time you blew something up in a lab?”

“Ah, okay,” Vogel smiled. “Well, I must start by saying that any person who becomes a chemist has a similar story. Blowing things up is how we learn, yes?”

“Totally.”

“I was a teenager in the garage of my parents’ house in Germany. I had just come home from school, where I had my first chemistry exam that day. I was very frustrated with one of the answers on the exam because I thought I had figured out a way to explain a reaction differently than the teacher wanted. So when I got home I tried to recreate the reaction in the garage. It did not go very well.”

“And thus a master chemist was born,” declared Beck. “Alright dude, now you’ve just gotta find Watney to finish this thing off.”

\---

The shot switched to a view of the other side of the lab, where Watney was hovering over a collection of plants.

“Well, that was easy,” Vogel said from behind the camera. “He showed up in here about two minutes after Dr. Beck handed me the camera.”

“My plants needed me!” Watney proclaimed. 

“Tell us, Watney,” Vogel said as he panned across the plants. “Have you named your plants?”

“I sense that teasing tone in your voice, Vogel, and I’m going to choose to ignore it and pretend you’re genuinely interested to learn the names of my plants,” Watney deadpanned. “These four are named Kirk, Spock, Bones, and Scotty.”

Vogel turned the camera to himself and shook his head with a blank expression on his face.

“I don’t wanna hear it, man,” Watney said as the camera turned back to him. “What better omen to have on our ship than the dudes that survived about 600 things that should’ve killed them?”

“You know, I was just saying that ‘nerd’ is a meaningless word up here, but I think the people of Earth may disagree now that they know we have a botanist who gave his plants Star Trek names,” Vogel said as Watney glared in return.

“Alright, I think we’re just about finished up here,” Watney said as he grabbed the camera from Vogel, resulting in a not-so-flattering closeup of half his face. He adjusted the frame and turned it around so that both he and Vogel were in the shot.

“Thanks for tuning in and watching all our space shenanigans. We really do appreciate that you guys are interested in what we’re doing up here. We’ll try and send some pictures as we get closer to Mars, but stay tuned to NASA if you want to hear about how the rest of our trip goes.”

He threw an arm around Vogel and they both waved to the camera.

“Bye! _Adios_!”

“ _Auf Wiedersehen! Au Revoir!_ ” added Vogel.

“ _Ciao!_ ” Beck yelled from the other side of the lab.

“I think that’s all we’ve got. Sorry, every other language. We’re only scientists,” Watney joked. “Next time you see us on video, we’ll be on our way home.”

They waved again and the video ended with a fade into the Ares 3 mission logo.

(If only “on our way home” had been that simple.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me whatcha think especially if this is your first time reading!


	4. Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a jump timeline-wise from what I last posted, but the "getting together" story for these two will come later in a bit of a flashback form. I promise.
> 
> Hope you are enjoying!

Beth knows she’s smart, and highly skilled, and good at what she does. But, like most people, she still feels like a bit of a mess and a bit of an asshole sometimes, and every now and then a little voice in her head wonders what someone as genuine and gracious as Chris wants with someone like her.

She loves him, god knows she fucking loves him, and she knows he loves her. But sometimes she just can’t help but wonder _why_.

It’s late, and it’s been a long day. Once Chris creeps into her room after lights out, they spend a little longer than they should just talking and relaxing in each other’s company before turning in for good.

They said goodnight about five minutes ago, so there’s a solid chance he's already asleep, but Beth’s too restless to drift off without asking.

“Can I ask you…” she murmurs before trailing off. Her voice is practically inaudible; she’s surprised he even hears her.

He stirs for a moment, then angles his head to her. “Hmm?”

His tired voice makes her wish she hadn’t said anything. “Nothing, go to sleep.”

Frowning, he gently pokes her arm. “Beth.”

“No, it was dumb,” she mumbles.

He squints and asks again, but finally gives up and settles back into his pillow.

“Why me?” she suddenly asks into the darkness surrounding them.

He opens his eyes and shifts to look at her. A few moments pass. “Why you?”

She doesn’t meet his eyes, but she nods against her pillow.

His head rolls to the ceiling with a chuckle as he lets out a breath. “Jesus, how much time do you have?”

“I told you it was dumb, you don’t have to—”

“Because you’re the most brilliant, capable person I’ve ever met,” he says before she can finish, turning back to face her, to stare straight into her. “And you’re thoughtful, and beautiful, and your entire life has been a series of events in which you prove people wrong by doing things they said you couldn’t. And because you’re incapable of sitting any way other than cross-legged and you look really cute with your hood up, and you’re the best friend I’ve ever had in my life.”

His face settles into a simple smile when he’s done speaking; his eyes still haven’t left hers and she knows he means every word he said. 

“Want more reasons? I’ve got ‘em,” he says with another smile.

Beth opens her mouth to speak but only the sound of a sharp intake of breath comes out. Mostly, she wonders what compelled her to ask, but deep down she’s really glad that she did.

She presses her face into the pillow, needing a moment to collect herself, but her fingers grip his shirt. When she finally faces him again, he gently pulls her hand to his mouth and kisses her knuckles.

“You’re always better at words than I am,” she mumbles with a small laugh as she wipes a corner of her eye. Her voice is soft and timid. “You deserve something as nice as that from me, but all I can come up with is ‘Because you’re you.’”

“Beth…” he exhales as his hand moves to her face, ready to insist she doesn’t need to say anything. But when she starts to laugh, for whatever reason, he can’t help but join her. He wraps his arm around her head and brings her close into his chest. “I don’t need to hear anything more than that.”

She smiles into his shirt. “I love you,” she mumbles. “A lot.”

“I know,” he says, and that’s all she needs to hear right now. That he knows.

\---

The next morning, for possibly the first time ever, Beth is already awake and out of bed when Chris wakes up. In fact, she’s up _really_ early, since Chris has trained himself to wake up an hour before all the others in order to sneak back to his room before the day starts.

Needless to say, he’s confused, but his drowsiness occupies most of his attention as he sits up and reaches to the floor for his sweatshirt. As he pulls it over his head, he notices his laptop on the tiny bedside table, which is strange since he’s pretty sure he left it in his own room.

There’s a piece of scrap paper on top. _Open up, sleepy boy_ reads Beth’s neat handwriting.

So he does. His still-tired eyes come into focus, revealing a plain text file opened on the screen, and he begins to read.

> only for you would i be up before 6am.
> 
> (i’ve figured out that i’m better at words when i can type them instead of saying them.)
> 
> i do love you because you’re you, but also because you’re smart, and generous, and kind, and focused, and so dedicated to what you do, and because i know you’d never hesitate to take care of someone who needed your help, because that’s just who you are. you make me smile more than anyone i’ve ever known, and you can be just as stubborn as i can, and you let me teach you how to play dumb video games, and you make me wish i could spend all day curled up with you. it’s kind of a pain in the ass to realize you’re in love with someone in space, but i’d choose you on any planet, anytime.
> 
> now come make sure i haven’t fallen asleep in the kitchen or something.

Chris leans back and runs a hand over his face as he smiles. He reads it again. And again. He thinks about the fact that she got up early to get his laptop, and write this for him, and set it up for him to find.

He thinks about the fact that a year ago--hell, even six months ago--he was speeding through space (or training to do so) with his crewmate who he was helplessly in love with, and now he’s sitting in her bed with a list of reasons why she loves him too.

It’s a lot, and he needs a minute before he goes to find her.

When he does, she’s in the rec, sitting sideways on the couch with her laptop balanced against her knees. There’s a cup of coffee on the floor beside her, and a blanket bundled up around her legs. If she hears him when he comes down the ladder and pads his way across the room, she pretends she doesn’t.

He makes his way over to the couch, and when Beth looks up at him, he’s got that smile on his face again--the “you’re the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life” smile. His hair’s messy from sleep, and his hands are tucked shyly into his pockets, and he’s the most precious thing she’s ever seen in _her_ life.

She just smiles back.

“Scoot,” he says, and she hands him her laptop to set on the floor. She scoots away from the armrest so he can take her place, and then she leans back against him as his arms circle around her waist and her legs drape across his lap. 

There’s a good chance it’s just a psychological thing, but the crew’s pretty convinced the ship feels colder in the morning, as if there’s actual weather outside (which duh, there isn’t). Either way, it’s cold, so Beth pulls the blanket around them.

“Next time you tell me something I say is cheesy I’m gonna tell you you’re full of shit, just so you know,” he finally says, and she giggles into the blanket.

He presses a prolonged kiss to her hair and then lets his cheek rest against the top of her head. He doesn’t say thank you out loud, but she knows that this--his arms wrapped around her, his breath in her hair, his need to melt completely into her--is his way of saying it all.

There’s still time before the others wake up, but they don’t say another word. They just sit there, staring out the window, holding, thinking, being.


	5. Fixable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're having a more exciting Saturday night than I am! Because I'm doing this. 
> 
> Anyway, this chapter contains the first-ever story I wrote for these two. Which means I cringed a lot while re-reading it. Which means I made some updates and additions. 
> 
> So, to anyone who may have read this one before, a heavily revised, reworked version awaits! 
> 
> And disclaimer: If you haven't read the book, this covers a pretty dark detail that the movie left out. (Go read the book.)

Beth couldn’t get inside her room quickly enough.

She shut the door and leaned back against it just as she lost her ability to stifle back her tears any longer. With shaking hands, she covered her face and tried to listen to the muffled voice in her head demanding that she keep it together.

The urge to throw up almost overcame her, but instead, a single quiet sob escaped her from her mouth. 

Suddenly, the door moved behind her. Startled, she jumped out of the way and watched as Chris’s head poked through the opening. Her wide-eyed expression was probably one of shock–-they’d never dared to enter each other’s rooms during the regular hours of the day before–-but something about the look on his face told her that secrecy was his last concern.

After taking a quick look back to make sure nobody saw him, he slipped into the dark room and shut the door. As his eyes adjusted to the lack of light and settled on Beth's face, his assumption was confirmed.

Lewis had told her.

For a moment, they just stood there looking at each other. Chris finally sighed, and Beth let out another choked sob as she stepped forward and buried her face in his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back, he felt his own eyes swell with tears.

Only one thought ran through his mind. _This is so fucked up._

\---

That morning, Lewis had hastily gathered Beck, Vogel, and Martinez around the table. They all wondered why they were meeting while Johanssen was in the gym on the other side of the ship, but the answer quickly became obvious.

"There’s no reason why we all should die," Lewis began. She went on to explain her reasoning: the amount of food they’d have left if the probe failed, the futility of continuing the mission should their deaths become inevitable, and the solution she wanted to propose.

When she reached that ultimate, dark detail, Beck’s stomach turned upside down. They all sat silently while they considered the Commander's proposition. If the resupply probe failed, the four of them would take lethal pills right away. Johanssen, the youngest, would return the Hermes to Earth, and when the preserved rations ran out, she would turn to a harrowing “different source” of food. Just like their decision to return to Mars for Watney, they would only agree to the plan if their decision was unanimous.

Beck’s first thought had nothing to do with the possibility of initiating his own death. Instead, he thought about Beth, and the trauma she would endure should she even be forced to _consider_ the idea of surviving by such means. She was tough, and he didn’t doubt her resolve or her ability to get home alive for a second, but the idea of being the mission’s sole survivor would be enough to horrify and deeply disturb _any_ member of the crew.

Finally, Martinez spoke. “It makes sense,” he admitted quietly. Vogel nodded.

Beck took a deep breath. “Yeah.” 

Lewis reminded them of the low likelihood that the plan would become necessary, and apologized for making them even think about it.

“We’re astronauts,” she said. “And we always have to have a plan.”

A few more silent moments passed.

“Are you going to tell Beth?” Chris finally asked. He realized he should’ve called her Johanssen about a second too late.

Lewis held his gaze for a moment before exhaling slowly. “I’ve been deliberating that,” she answered. “I don’t think it would be fair to spring it on her in the moment should it become necessary. She would need time to accept it.”

“But what if everything goes fine? She’d never even have to know about it," he countered, doing his best to keep any emotion out of his demeanor. “She wouldn’t have to live with the idea of it.”

Lewis looked down. Unbeknownst to Chris, she was already well aware of his and Beth’s relationship. With such heavy circumstances, added to the fact that there'd been no change in their daily operations as members of the crew, she'd made an active decision not to interfere.

After all, the last thing she’d want to do was shatter their worlds even further by keeping them apart. Seeing Chris heartbroken over the mere idea of Beth being heartbroken only reaffirmed that. 

“I know,” she said. “But I can’t keep something so drastic from all but one person. That’s not fair. Since we all agreed, I’m going to tell her later today.”

Chris sighed and nodded. He knew this was an argument he had no chance of winning, and frankly, he knew Lewis was right. 

He knew Beth could handle it. He just wished she didn't have to.

\---

Beth’s heavy sobs gradually slowed.

“You know?” she whimpered into Chris's sweatshirt. 

She felt his chin move against the side of her head as he nodded. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Just a few hours ago.”

"And you _agreed_?" she asked, her voice weak.

"Of course." 

Because of course he did.

She wanted to retaliate, to be mad, to ask him _why_ , why would he sacrifice himself like that. 

But she knew why. She knew why all four of them would. Because they were astronauts. And this made the most sense. And sense always prevailed. 

Usually, if Beth was upset or confused, she just looked at Chris. Since she first met him, that's all she had to do. He didn't fix anything, but he reminded her that things were fixable. And that was enough. 

The worst part about this, she realized, was that now, she couldn't bring herself to look at him and find the reassurance she wanted so desperately. Looking at him would only be a reminder of what she might have to do.

He knew her like nobody else ever had, though, and he knew exactly what she needed to hear.

"None of us want you to think of this every time you see us now, you know," he murmured, one hand a warm weight on her head and the other still rubbing her back. "This is just another procedure to store in the back of your big old brain like all the other ones you had to memorize and will probably never have to use. That's all this is, babe." 

Beth felt like she could cry again, but for a different reason. She nodded into his chest and squeezed her arms tighter around his neck. Then, when she was ready, she slowly separated herself from him. 

When she finally looked up at his face, she surprised herself by fighting a smile as she used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away the tears around his eyes.

“This isn't quite what we signed up for, is it?” he asked with a sad smile.

She let out a small laugh as she rested her hands on either side of his face. _He doesn't fix things, but he makes them fixable,_ she repeated to herself.

He made her stronger and lighter at the same time, and that's why she loved him.

She returned her face to his shoulder, less distraught this time. They stood there holding each other for a while, both silently grateful that they had each other to help process this kind of development. Neither of them wanted to imagine what this would be like if they hadn't finally stopped forcing themselves to ignore how they'd felt about each other for months--hell, years. Life was fucking short.

\---

That night, even after Chris had crept into her room and curled up around her, Beth was afraid to go to sleep. 

(Not so much afraid of the sleep as she was afraid of the nightmares that might await her.) 

"I'm going to dream about it," she whispered into the darkness surrounding them. It was sullen, half a statement and half a question, and she wasn't even sure if she was talking to herself or to Chris. 

She felt his lips on her shoulder as he tugged her just the slightest bit closer. "If you do, I'll be right here." 

He'd make it fixable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are people enjoying this, or is it like, annoying to see stories reposted? I don't want to be a nuisance. Let me know!


	6. Thirty years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO. Happy Wednesday. 
> 
> Again, some revisions and edits here that'll be new to anyone who may have read before. 
> 
> Hope you like!

Birthdays in space weren’t a huge ordeal, but reasonable efforts were made. 

Each Ares III astronaut had at least two of them over the duration of their mission, after all.

On the morning of a crew member’s birthday, someone would dig out the colorful “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” banner NASA had sent with them (along with a garland and six tiny stockings for the holiday season) and hang it somewhere in the rec.

Sometime during breakfast, they’d all sing and make some jokes at the expense of the birthday person, who was excused from the day’s boring housekeeping tasks like loading up used dishes to be vacuum-cleaned. After eating dinner (or whenever they wanted--they were adults, not kids at summer camp) they’d pick out a dessert pack that was slightly more sophisticated than their usual jelly beans or cookies. (Brownies and those underwhelming space cupcakes were saved for birthdays by unanimous agreement.)

Today happened to be the day Beth Johanssen turned 30.

Before Beck slipped out of her room before the wake up call that morning (the crew still didn’t know, or at least pretended not to know), he’d woken her up with a kiss on the nose and a whispered happy birthday. He'd even crept back in after she'd drifted back to sleep to leave a birthday card on her desk that he'd managed to fashion from their available space resources. 

Now, she was preparing to head out to breakfast, hoping her crewmates would let her get settled with a cup of coffee before beginning the inevitable birthday stand-up routine.

No such luck. Her entrance to the rec was met with a loud rendition of the birthday song, led by Martinez. She rolled her eyes but smiled as she walked over to the kitchenette to prepare her coffee and accept a hug from each of her crewmates. (Turns out it's weird to hug your boyfriend in front of your friends when they don't know he's your boyfriend.) 

While they ate, Vogel recited the German birthday song (he wasn’t about to sing it alone), Lewis promised her that her thirties would be the most fulfilling years of her life, and Martinez made everyone laugh by recounting the time an exhausted Johanssen had mistaken a glass of still Pepsi for a glass of coffee during training, resulting in her pouring milk into it, taking a sip, and spitting it out all over the JSC cafeteria. Beck just sat there smiling, laughing along, and enjoying the lively group dynamic that they’d finally reclaimed once learning of their friend's survival.

As the other three left the rec to prepare for the day’s duties, Beck approached Johanssen from behind and leaned in impossibly close to her ear. “I’ll give you _my_ birthday greeting in your room tonight,” he teased in a husky voice. She smacked him in the side, pretending to be unaffected by the surge of heat he’d just sent throughout her body, but her sly grin gave her away. He just smirked proudly over his shoulder as he walked away.

The rest of the day was normal, uneventful even, filled with maintenance and preparation for the extra scientific tasks NASA had given them for their extended trip back to Mars.

Johanssen went with a brownie and mint chocolate chip space ice cream for her birthday treat and reignited their ongoing banter about why the hell NASA couldn’t have given them a break and sent up a six-pack of beer in the resupply probe. They knew why, of course--something about taxpayers probably not wanting to mix alcohol with a billion dollar spaceship--but it was still a popular conversation topic. The only person in the universe who deserved a drink more than the five of them was Mark Watney.

That night, when the lights went down and movement ceased in the hallway, Beth leaned back in her bunk pondering what Lewis had said that morning. She really hadn’t allowed herself any time to reflect on turning 30, and although she initially wasn’t wild about it (who was?), she had a feeling that her commander was right. Despite being in the middle of deep space on a risky mission, she felt a sense of stability that she’d never felt before, one that she somehow knew would last her to their return to Earth and beyond. One that would define the next portion of her life as different from the last.

(Not just because of Chris. Because of a newfound sense of purpose and capability. But he was still a big part of it.) 

When her door cracked open and the small reading light above her bunk illuminated half of Chris's face against the dark hallway, she smiled. Even though he’d caused her the occasional stomach butterflies and overwhelming confusion when they were figuring each other out long ago, he now represented complete calm and contentment. His presence no longer made her heart rate go up--it made her muscles relax and her worries ease.

“Hey,” he smiled once he was inside with the door closed. He wasn’t used to seeing her alone without some sort of laptop or tablet in her hands. “Doing anything?”

“Nah,” she answered, scooting over to make room for him. “Just thinking about being 30. That sounds so old.”

He laughed as he leaned back. “Hardly.”

She curled up to his side, and he draped an arm around her. “My dad sent an email saying my grandma made a cake for me and brought it over to their house today,” she said. “She made them both eat some so they’d be less upset about me still being up here.”

“That’s sweet.” 

“Yeah.”

She didn't sound very enthusiastic, though. Chris peered down at her face and could sense the sadness in her expression. She’d confided in him plenty of times about the resistance her parents had put up to her astronaut career, and he knew they’d been especially distraught by her decision to extend the mission. (He had a feeling his were too, they just hadn't told him to his face.) 

“Hey,” he said, angling her chin up with a finger so that she was looking at him. “There’s no feeling guilty or sad on your birthday.” 

She smiled and accepted a soft kiss. "I know. I know they support me and they'll understand eventually, but it just sucks to know I'm hurting them." 

He simply nodded in understanding as she snuggled in closer. They enjoyed several minutes of comfortable silence before Beth leaned up to him with the beginning of a devilish grin. The melancholy in her eyes had been replaced with a hint of playfulness. “So what’s this I heard about a birthday greeting?”

Chris hummed a smile as he used one arm to lower her on the pillows and the other to prop himself up above her. “Well, since the nearest Hallmark store is kinda far away,” he murmured with a smirk, “I figured I’d have to come up with something else.”

She snickered at his dumb joke and loosely clutched at both sides of his face as he began to plant kisses across her jaw. His free hand crept its way under her sweater, sliding up her soft, warm skin, and teeth collided with laughter as she used her hand in his hair to direct his mouth back to hers. 

Her hands gripped his shoulders as he pulled her up into a sitting position and helped her out of her sweater. She removed his t-shirt as he unclasped her bra, and they both laughed as they tumbled over, each landing on their sides facing each other. They shared more lazy kisses as they wiggled each other out of their sweatpants, and she watched with fire in her eyes as his head slid off the pillow, one of her hands raked in his hair and the other clutching his back as her breathing became heavier. 

Beth closed her eyes with a deep sigh as his mouth descended to the bottom of her ribcage and then down to her stomach while his hand found its way to the inside of her thigh. He rolled her on her back, then gently eased apart her legs and got to work. 

When she let out a soft whimper loud enough for only them to hear--a sound that he'd learned meant she was close to unwinding--he lifted his eyes, soaking up the beautiful sight of her arched back and the movement of her neck with each heavy breath. Finally, he brought her over the edge, and she shuddered as the feeling radiated through every inch of her body, one hand suppressing the cry in her mouth and the other buried deep in his hair.

Leaning his cheek against her thigh, Chris watched her flustered body react, then slowly made his way back up to her face as her breathing leveled out. 

He pressed a kiss to the inside of her neck. “The world’s been lucky to have 30 years of you,” he said as he rested his head between her neck and shoulder.

She protested his sweet words with grunt as she stroked his hair, giving a strand a small tug when she heard him laugh in response.

“I love you so much,” he murmured as he allowed his eyes to close. He felt her smile against his forehead as her arms wrapped around his back, her fingers dancing slowly across his skin.

“I love you too.”

She held him like that for a while, relishing his warm breath on her skin. Finally, she moved so that they lay facing each other again, her thumb resting on his jaw and her hand on his neck. Despite his eyes still being closed, he felt her gaze, and a small smile crept across his face.

“You know...” she began in that lazy voice of hers that drove him wild. “Coming to space was pretty cool, but you've been the best part of it.”

He slowly opened his eyes and beamed at her, unable to find proper words to say anything in response. Instead, he pulled her closer and kissed her head as she nestled her face against his chest.

“Think we’ll be off this fucking ship by the time I turn 60?” she asked, her voice muffled. 

He snorted. “Let’s hope.” A few moments passed as Chris pondered whether or not he should say what he was thinking. 

You know what? Fuck it. 

“Either way, I’ll be there.”

She smiled against his skin. “I know you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, I did the math based on Johanssen’s crew profile, and her birthday actually would’ve fallen _before_ the slingshot/resupply, not after. But it made me sad to think about poor bb being anxious and scared about the probe failing on her 30th birthday so I switched it around. Because who cares.
> 
> too fluffy for this cruel world? huh?


	7. New Year's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this as a little something to post on New Year's Eve (shocker!) but it turned into more of a chance to explore what it was like on the ship when Beck and Johanssen were figuring out how to act once the rest of the crew knows they're together. So it's a bit of a jump in time from the last one. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, as always!

Celebrating New Year’s Eve in space seemed ridiculously pointless, thought Beth, but she couldn’t think of a single good reason not to. 

Even back on Earth, it was always weird to think that a single tick on the clock, the switch from 11:59 to 12:00, signaled something as lofty as an entire new year. In space, where there wasn’t even a recognizable difference between night and day, the whole thing felt a million times more arbitrary. 

In the original Ares 3 mission supplies, NASA had sent six pouches of sparkling cider for the crew to make a New Year’s Eve toast. (There were too many legal hassles if they sent real alcohol, so cider it was.) 

But last year, the holiday fell not long after they’d left Mars without Watney, and nobody felt like celebrating anything. Hell, they hardly even acknowledged Christmas beyond all the holiday emails they received from home. 

This year, on their way back to Mars, life seemed worthy of a modest celebration again. They dug through their cases of supplies, determined to make the toast this time. They only wished, of course, that Mark was there to make it with them. 

Earlier in the day, there was some good-natured arguing about whether or not it was worth it to stay up until the ship’s clock actually hit midnight, since there wasn’t exactly a ball to watch drop on TV or anything. Lewis, surprisingly, was the one who convinced everyone either to take a nap or sleep in the next day in order to stay awake until midnight. Who knew the commander had a soft spot for New Year’s Eve festivities? 

That day’s data dump included two year-end specials that aired on different television networks earlier in the week: One 2036 recap from CNN consisting of highlights in sports, political events, and world news (like that time the world found out a guy was left alone on Mars), and one from E! stuffed full of all the year’s celebrity drama, biggest movies and music, and pop culture news (like that time the world found out a guy was left alone on Mars). 

The message from NASA read, “Thought you might be curious about what we’ve been up to down here. Plus, a variety of credible news sources is always best, right?” Those nerds came through with their senses of humor every now and then. 

They watched the first while eating dinner, and the second after they’d all put on pajamas and moved over to the couches. In space, it was hard, if not impossible, to keep up with everything happening back home. They didn't regret their mutinous decision for a second, but knowing that a whole year’s worth of life had passed by on Earth, a year from which they wouldn’t remember anything because they _weren’t there_? That was weird, and hard to comprehend. 

Even though the sentimental moments made for some watery eyes, they were surprised by how much they enjoyed (and how much they needed) that glimpse from back home. Martinez’s favorite part was when the host on E! referred to the crew as “jedi masters” for going back to Mars for one of their own. Beck enjoyed gloating over all the coverage of the Patriots’ Super Bowl win, while Vogel grumbled through the World Cup recaps, since Germany walked away in second place instead of winning it all. 

Lewis nearly cried during one of those “people who died this year” segments since it included one of the members of ABBA. Beth… well, between grumbling about how many new tech developments she'd have to catch up on after returning home, she generated the most laughter of the entire evening when her response to the trailer for a particularly bizarre animated movie was a simple, eloquent, “What the hell?”

Now, 10 minutes away from midnight, the five of them were gathered around the computer in the rec, cups of sparkling cider prepared and waiting nearby. NASA had included something else in the data dump: a video of recorded messages from elementary school classrooms in Houston, with the kids saying Happy New Year and wishing the crew good luck on the rest of their trip. 

NASA nerds: senses of humor _and_ big hearts. 

There wasn’t a dry eye in the group when they were done watching it. Even Vogel, who never cried. _Such a dad_ , Beth thought with a smile.

“When did space turn us into a bunch of saps?” Martinez asked as they laughed at themselves and gathered up their cups for the toast. 

“You sure that happened in space?” Lewis retorted. 

“Exactly what are you implying?” 

Lewis just shrugged with a sly grin. 

“30 seconds,” Beth announced as she watched the clock on the computer. 

“Jesus, you sound like you’re calling out a launch countdown,” Beck said. “I think I just felt actual panic.” 

Beth rolled her eyes, but she laughed when Vogel added, “He’s right. You have a very serious voice for when you say numbers, Johanssen.” 

“Beck, you’re slipping buddy, you got an eye roll and Vogel got a laugh. Better get it together, man,” Martinez joked, earning him a flick on the side of the head from Beth as she accepted her cup. 

“To Mark Watney,” Lewis said after Beth announced the arrival of midnight. She raised her glass, prompting the others to do the same. 

“And to 2037, the year we get him back,” added Martinez. 

Lewis, always cautious but optimistic, gave a single nod and a smile, and five glasses clinked. (Well, more like tapped. It’s not like you take real glassware into space.) 

Then they kind of just… stood there. 

“Well…” said Beck after a few silent moments. 

“Yup,” added Martinez. “There it is. New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.” 

Lewis sighed. “Yeah, that was pretty underwhelming.” 

“They should have sent us those little crowns,” said Vogel. “Or real champagne. Or beer.” 

“Speaking of they,” Lewis added, her sense of duty taking over, “We should take a picture for NASA. It really was nice of them to send us that stuff.” 

Beth brought up the computer’s webcam and sat down in the chair, and the rest of the crew gathered around her, holding up their cups for the camera. They examined the photo before Beth added it to the next batch of files to be sent back to Earth, laughing at the dorky faces they’d all made. 

Martinez’s eyes paused over the image of Beth on the screen. “Isn’t that Beck’s?” he asked, pointing to the loose t-shirt she was wearing underneath her hoodie. 

“Yeah,” she replied, not thinking anything of it. Because come on, if he was just now noticing that she stole Chris’s clothes all the time, he wasn’t very observant. 

“Ooh, think NASA’s gonna notice and kick your asses?” he teased. 

Lewis rolled her eyes. “If that’s the sort of thing they’re paying attention to, we’ve got way bigger problems.” 

Martinez whirled around to face Beth and Chris again. “That reminds me, no midnight kiss, you two?! Beck, come on, man!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. 

Beck raised an eyebrow. 

“The one New Year’s Eve tradition we actually could’ve maintained up here, and you even deprived us of that,” Martinez said. “Assholes.”

“I thought you and Vogel were going to take care of that for us,” Beck deadpanned in response. 

“Don’t bring me into this,” the German responded before finishing the rest of his cider in one gulp. 

"Well at least for the time being, _none_ of us have gotten laid since last year," Martinez smirked, proud of his joke. "Throwback to when we were all in the same boat on that front." 

Beth and Chris were practically immune to his sex jokes by now, but Lewis let out an exasperated sigh. "A 'last year' joke minutes into the new year? That's the best you've got?" the commander quipped. "I expected better from you, Rick." 

"I've got no backup!" Martinez exclaimed, shaking his head. “Man, forget everything that keeps breaking, this is why we need Mark back up here. I can’t be the only one giving you guys shit.” 

“Oh my god, if it’s the only thing that’ll make you shut up…” Beth groaned as she ceased her typing. Still in the chair, she reached her arm up to Chris’s face and pulled him down toward her. He chuckled as he leaned over and planted a kiss on her, sweet and quick. 

“Happy now?” Beth asked as she turned back to the screen. She did her best to maintain a stoic expression, but she knew she wasn’t hiding the upturned corners of her smile.

Martinez grinned. Despite his ruthless teasing, he really admired his crewmates and how they handled themselves on the ship. The fact that this was the first time he’d ever seen any real PDA between them was proof of that; their diligence when it came to making sure their relationship wasn’t a distraction was commendable. Martinez knew they acted that way because of Lewis--they both had tremendous respect for the commander and appreciated her acceptance--but he also could tell that deep down, Lewis didn’t really mind. None of them did. They’d be happy to let Beth and Chris be themselves all day long.

On the other side of the group, Lewis smiled to herself as well. That ruthless sense of duty had originally compelled her to try and shut down whatever was happening between her two youngest crew members, but she was glad she hadn’t listened to it. She’d spent enough time around Beth Johanssen to know that despite her occasional _donttalktome_ -ish exterior vibe, she was a very friendly and easygoing person, but Lewis had never seen such a warm expression on Beth’s face as her smile just now. Plus, she could trace the affectionate way Beck always looked at her all the way back to training, and she’d watched the love in his eyes grow over time. That’s how she knew this wasn’t some fling to pass the time. She could call it right here, right now: Those two were all in, even if they didn’t realize it yet. 

Out of the whole crew, Vogel was probably the most surprised by the whole Chris and Beth thing, but even then, he wasn’t _that_ surprised. He could always tell they had a little extra affection for each other, but he hadn’t gossiped about it like Martinez and Watney or stressed about it like Lewis. Uncharted territory, sure, but the whole damn mission was uncharted territory at this point. Their happiness made him happy, and _boy_ , could he see the happiness on their faces. He nodded to himself. This was good.

Much to her own surprise, Beth was actually glad Martinez had nagged them, because it felt like a big weight had been lifted. 

Before, she always worried whether or not she and Chris felt like an elephant in the room to the rest of the crew. Was there ever a point at which it would become normal for them to act more naturally together on the ship? Was it weird if she ever leaned her head against Chris or something? _What were the goddamn rules?_ She had no idea.

But when she looked around at the rest of her crewmates after their kiss, she saw nothing but smiles. No awkward stares at the ground or avoided glances. It was like her brain let out a massive sigh. _Ah, this is okay._

It’s not like they would ever be all over each other in front of the crew. (The thought made her cringe.) But they could relax a little bit, and it would be okay. 

With a final swig of her sparkling cider, she put the computer to sleep as the others yawned and bid everyone goodnight. 

“Ready?” 

She looked up and saw Chris looking back down at her with a sleepy, sweet smile. 

“Yeah,” she smiled as she stood up and stretched. Halfway through the walk to the ladder, she slipped under his arm and let herself lean against him.

The next time she felt like doing that, she wasn’t going to hesitate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there are still a million more ways to explore this sort of thing...the normalization of them on the ship. (Also, I'm a sucker for hearing about them from the POV of the rest of the crew.) Would people be into more of that sort of thing?


	8. The day they got him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your nice feedback, dudes! It makes me happy. 
> 
> This, as the chapter implies, is the story of the day the crew rescued Mark Watney, as told through the lens of Chris + Beth moments throughout the day. Because reasons. 
> 
> Two notes to make here:  
> 1\. I'll be the first to admit that I cheated and combined my favorite elements from both the book and the movie instead of keeping them separate. If you know both, you'll see what I mean.  
> 2\. The snippet from the book is obviously from the book.

### morning

The first word on her mind when she woke up was _today_.

Because it was today. It all came down to today. Lewis had said all she possibly could to prepare and relax them at their final meeting last night, but how well they handled the pressure was in their own hands now.

Beth’s nerves had kept her awake far later than she would’ve preferred, and even though Chris usually slept like a rock, she could tell sleep hadn’t come easily for him either.

She felt him stir beside her, and soon he was propped up on an elbow, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. After a moment, he turned to Beth, who looked up at him under the sheet still pulled up to her nose.

They silently took each other in for a few moments. Beth couldn’t put a name on his expression--it wasn’t happy, but it wasn’t somber either. She landed on reassuring. As if he wasn’t that all the time.

Chris leaned over and pressed a kiss on Beth’s forehead before sitting up all the way. Normally he’d ask how she slept, but he already knew the answer.  
He went for something they both needed to hear instead. “We got this,” he said with a small smile.

Beth returned the smile the best she could and sat upright to join him. The footsteps of her slowly rising crewmates were audible in the hallway, but she needed just a second longer. She leaned into Chris’s shoulder, letting her forehead and heavy eyes rest against his neck.

He felt her eyelashes on his skin as he ran a hand through her hair, and when she wordlessly pulled away, he followed her lead and got dressed for the day that lay ahead.

When they were both properly clad in their jumpsuits, Beth slid open the door that led to the world outside their little bunk, but not before pausing to reach behind her and squeeze Chris’s hand.

She still hadn’t spoken all morning, Chris realized. But that was the thing about Beth--she always managed to say so much without even speaking a word.

\---

### midmorning

> _Johanssen worked on the lighting panel as Beck floated toward the airlock._
> 
> _She grabbed his arm. “Be careful crawling along the hull.”_
> 
> _He turned to face her. “Be careful setting up the bomb.”_
> 
> _She kissed his faceplate then looked away, embarrassed. “That was stupid. Don’t tell anyone I did that.”_
> 
> _“Don’t tell anyone I liked it,” Beck smiled._

\---

### afternoon

_You’ve got a scent going on there, buddy!_

_I know, I haven’t showered in a year!_

Beth felt dizzy with happiness as her eyes bounced back and forth between her grinning, ecstatic crewmates. She felt like she was floating, even more than usual. (Because she actually was, you know, floating.)

In all the buzzing chaos of their reunion, she’d barely realized that nobody had helped Chris out of his spacesuit. Still grinning and drunk with relief, she maneuvered herself around Martinez and over to Chris, who was observing them all from behind his faceplate, his smile just as big as hers.

He watched her with a content smile on his face, the rest of the crew bantering in the background, as she reached forward and unlocked his helmet from the rest of the suit. After Beth sent the helmet floating away, she peeled off his com cap, revealing his matted hair underneath. She practically giggled as she ruffled his thick hair back into place.

On the other side of the airlock, Lewis observed all this out of the corner of her eye. Her smile grew even bigger as she felt a pang of affection for her two youngest astronauts. She knew she couldn’t be the only commander in the history of NASA to grapple with a situation in which two members of a crew fell for each other, but she knew she was lucky that their relationship only made the group stronger, rather than more at risk.

Just then, Martinez floated over to the pair to lend a hand.

“Johanssen, I’m sure you’re an expert at undressing this guy, but I’m happy to add myself into the mix to shake things up a bit,” he wisecracked as he helped her pull the body of the suit over Beck’s head.

Still too giddy even to manage a glare, Beth just giggled even harder as Chris shook his head. Lewis rolled her eyes, noticing much to her amusement that Watney hadn’t heard the joke. She looked forward to his reaction whenever he learned about this particular crew update.

Once the suit was all the way off, Beth looked him up and down. “I’ll get you some real clothes,” she said with a chuckle, noting the gym shorts and fancy heart rate-monitoring shirt he wore underneath.

He smiled his thanks and then turned to their freshly rescued crewmate. “Alright buddy, straight to the lab.”

\---

### late afternoon

Once the Vicodin kicked in and Watney had his (extra-long) shower, Beck ordered him to bed. The first steps were obvious: Hook him up to an IV, patch up and disinfect his self-bandaged wounds from the last year, get a reading on his blood. A plethora of medical tests would be necessary, but bloodwork came first.

To say that Watney was tired would be an understatement, but he wanted to see his crewmates again. As happy as they were to see him during their quick hello, they’d seemed a little unsure of how to act around him--shy, almost--and he feared that if their access to him was limited, a sense of estrangement might develop. If anyone was going to be acting weird, he wanted it to be him, not them.

Beck suggested that the others come in while the blood tests ran. As soon as everything was sat up, he invited the crew into the med bay. 

The crew comically squeezed themselves inside the tiny space: Martinez on the edge of the bed, Lewis in the single chair, and Vogel, Beck, and Johanssen on the floor along the wall.

“Can this like… not be about my medical status?” Watney joked once everyone was in the room. “I could really use just to hang out. Even though it’s freaking me out that I’m surrounded by people.”

Lewis smiled. “We can do that.”

Martinez chimed in. “Here’s an idea: How about I give you a detailed recap of when the Yankees kicked the Cubs’ asses last month? I can do the whole play by play, every glorious minute.”

Watney’s mouth fell agape. “How the hell did you get to watch a game up here?”

“Didn’t. Had ‘em send me a detailed ESPN recap the day after, in anticipation of being able to rub it in your face once we got you back.”

Watney scowled and the others rolled their eyes, but there was something sweet at the core of Martinez’s banter. He was the one who never treated the idea of rescuing Mark as an ‘if.’ In his mind, it was always a ‘when,’ and that attitude permeated throughout the crew, keeping their spirits up whenever they felt suffocated by doubt.

Beck squinted his eyes. “How much of the world in general did they keep you up to date with, anyway?” he asked.

Watney shrugged. “They told me we reelected the president somewhere in there. And that the Patriots won another Super Bowl.” He paused. “Wait, were there two Super Bowls while I was down there?”

Lewis chuckled. “Yes there were. The Steelers won the other.”

“NASA bastards didn’t tell me,” he scowled.

Johanssen smiled to herself. That was the Mark Watney she knew. She was happy to have him back.

“There was also a World Cup, did they tell you that?” asked Vogel.

Watney frowned. “I forgot about that, actually. Who won?”

“Germany,” Vogel said without missing a beat.

Beck snorted. “Nice try, buddy. He’s full of shit. Brazil won.”

Now it was Watney’s turn to smile. He missed this desperately, this group banter and casual battle of wits. Being around the others was going to take some adjusting; he wasn’t naive, and he knew some moments might be more difficult than others. But for now, he let himself enjoy their company.

He sighed, slumping back further into the pillows. “I guess I’ll need a crash course on this last year and a half when we get back.”

“We’ll join you,” Johanssen said with a chuckle. “There’s only so much they can tell you over email.”

“You mean to tell me that with all this extra time, you still haven’t computer geniused some way to get Internet up here?” Watney teased.

“Sorry to disappoint,” she answered as she brought her knees up to her chest and curled her arms around herself. “But I did, you know, hijack this entire ship, so there’s that.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Watney said with a laugh. They were joking around, but he meant it. 

He also couldn’t help but notice Beck, who was sitting directly to Johanssen’s left, smiling to himself in response to her wisecracks. _That dude is still in deep!_ he thought. Which reminded him, he needed to figure out how to get an update on that situation, pronto. Once Lewis wasn’t in the room, of course.

As it turns out, he didn’t have to wait long.

Martinez turned to Beck. "Is he gonna stay in here, or does he need a room? Because he can take yours-slash-mine." 

"I'm gonna keep him here for now," Beck replied. "Probably at least for a week." 

"The hell are you talking about?" Watney asked, furrowing his brow. "I get staying in here, but why wouldn't I go back to my own room? And what exactly do you mean by 'yours-slash-mine'?" 

Martinez’s face lit up as he realized he got to deliver this particular piece of news. “Oh _yeeeeaaah_ , you haven’t heard,” he said, drawing out the words as he adopted a devilish grin. “Well you see, both of our rooms turned into ovens, so I moved into Beck's.”

Watney raised an eyebrow, still not connecting the dots. “So where did Beck go?”

Martinez turned to the others down on the floor, clearly enjoying himself. “Dr. Beck, care to explain?”

Johanssen and Beck both smirked at Martinez, who raised his eyebrows and stared back, challenging someone to talk.

Doing her best to fight a smile, Johanssen rolled her eyes and turned to Watney. “He’s with me.”

They all watched in amusement as the realization spread across Watney’s face. “ _Daaaaaaamn_!” he exclaimed as he shot up straight. “When were you guys gonna tell me _that_?”

“Don’t bust another rib there, pal,” Beck joked.

“Wait…” Watney said, turning to Lewis in question. She just shrugged.

“We’ve been doing a lot of improvising,” she said with a smile.

Mark leaned back, still amused. “Okay, so I gotta know,” he said to Beck. “Was it my email that did the trick?”

Beck chuckled and shook his head. “Oh, we were way ahead of you, buddy.”

Martinez frowned after a few moments. “Wait, what does that mean?” He paused. “Exactly how long _has_ this been going on?”

Johanssen dropped her forehead to Beck’s shoulder, avoiding everyone’s inquisitive stares. “Oh my god, can this conversation be over?” she groaned.

Lewis raised her eyebrows expectantly at Beck. Clearly, they weren’t going to be satisfied without an answer.

Beck rolled his eyes, playing along with the ruthless banter, but when he spoke, it was sincere. “Let’s just say that something about thinking you were dead on Mars reminded us that life is short.”

The others reflected on his statement for a few silent moments. Johanssen adjusted her head on Beck’s shoulder so she could see the others again, and she caught Watney’s eye.

He shrugged. “Well then I’m glad I could be of service after all,” he said, and they all laughed again.

“Alright, party’s over,” Beck said as he stood up. “Tests will be done soon. Out, out.” He shooed the others from the room and closed the door, then sat down and watched the readings come in on the monitor.

Back on the bed, Watney scrunched his face. “How are you not dead right now?” he asked suddenly.

“Huh?” Beck asked, looking up.

“Lewis!” he exclaimed. “You’re telling me she didn’t kill you when she found out about you guys?”

Beck shrugged. “She’s the one who told Martinez to take my room.” He paused and looked back down at the screen. “Since she somehow figured out I was always in Beth’s anyway.”

Watney smirked and shook his head. “You sneaky motherfucker.” Beck smiled as he continued processing the results.

“But for real,” Watney said after a minute, still finding it hard to believe. “What about that talk she gave us?”

Beck didn’t even look up. “Guess I’m lucky it was mutual.”

\---

### evening

Beth and Chris didn’t even see each other without the company of the full crew for a few hours. 

It wasn’t until later in the evening that Beth happened to pass the entrance to the small cargo bay that led to Airlock 3 on her way through the corridor. She almost propelled herself straight past it, but then she noticed Chris floating in front of the storage cabinet, rifling through the spare medical supplies.

With a quick look down either side of the corridor to ensure nobody else was around, she caught herself on the entryway.

“Hey,” she smiled.

Before he could answer, she pushed herself off the wall toward him, lightly colliding with him as her lips landed on his. His hands found her hips to anchor them together as they both smiled into the kiss, and she curled her arms around his neck as their mouths opened. The motion Beth had carried with her slowly drifted them backward, leaving them floating at a little less than a right angle.

When they finally broke apart, their foreheads remained pressed together and their noses lingered teasingly on each other’s skin.

“What was that?” Chris delightedly hummed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, feeling a tingling in his belly.

“Nothing,” she smiled. “I’m just really happy. And really proud of you.”

He brushed his nose against her smiling cheek. “I’m proud of you too.”

“I’m not the one who hurled himself through space.”

“Yeah, well I’m not the one who set off a bomb and hijacked our ship.”

Still giddy and excitable, their smiles widened and their eyelids lowered as they floated, basking in each other’s touch and reveling in the fact that they were alive. Despite all that, they both knew full well that they were going to have to pull away soon or they were going to get a little too distracted by each other to do their jobs.

Beth planted one more kiss on him before she pushed him back toward the storage unit. “Back to work,” she smirked.

Chris watched her float out of sight, biting his inner cheek to keep his smile from looking too goofy, even though nobody was there to see it. That was twice in one day she’d totally floored him with a kiss. He hoped she’d never stop.

\---

### night

Beck came to bed later than usual that night, but it was to be expected. He’d spent the rest of the day doing every preliminary test in the books on Watney, and he knew he couldn’t go to bed without getting a detailed report on his condition back to NASA. When he finally crept into Beth’s room--their room--he expected her to be asleep, but he found her tucked in a blanket with eyes wide open.

He pulled off his sweatshirt and flopped down on the bunk with a tired sigh, shimmying under the covers as he rolled over to face her.

“I love you so much,” she murmured as she immediately curled into his chest.

A little surprised--they usually ended conversations with that, not the other way around--but delighted nonetheless, he smiled and tucked his arm around her. “I love you too.”

Her legs gently intertwined with his. “I was just thinking about how it all could’ve gone south, you know?” she said, her voice soft. “I’m so glad we’re all okay.”

He kissed her hair and rested his chin against her forehead. “I know.” 

And he did. Between detonating a bomb and tearing a hole in a spaceship that already wanted to kill them, they hadn’t hesitated for a second to put themselves at great risk today. Now, with the ability to reflect back on everything, he knew how lucky they were to be curled up together in the tiny bunk. Because really, they should be dead right now.

She smiled against his warm skin, her hand resting on his hip and his gently stroking her back. “Can you believe we actually got him?” she murmured.

He raised his eyebrows and exhaled. “Not really. It’s wild.”

Beth leaned away and rolled onto her back, her eyes still affixed to his face. “How is he?”

Chris sighed, his hand resting on her stomach. “It’s remarkable he’s not in worse shape considering everything. The biggest thing will be getting him back to a real diet without overwhelming his digestive system. And I'm a little worried about his broken ribs leading to pneumonia." He sighed again. "He’s had to stitch up some wounds by himself, so I fixed those," he continued. "And even though I hated to do it since NASA will freak the fuck out, I had to diagnose him with scurvy and protein deficiency. Can’t give him the meds he needs without an official diagnosis.”

Beth watched him in subtle admiration as he spoke. “Have you talked to NASA people yet?”

“I had to send them a full initial writeup, which is what kept me up so late,” he answered, his voice slow and sleepy. “I’m sure they’ll be all over my ass tomorrow, but that’s a problem for… tomorrow.”

She smiled. “You’ll be in hardcore doctor mode for the rest of this trip.”

He snorted a tired laugh. “Yeah, I guess.”

Running her fingers along his arm that lay across her, Beth smiled to herself and turned her head upright toward the ceiling. She felt a sense of pride for him, for his knowledge and skillset, and for the humble way he always regarded his status as a doctor. She loved that he was in it for the research, not the title. She wasn't sure she'd ever even seen him in a white coat. 

She turned her face back toward his, noticing his eyes had fallen closed, and inched forward to kiss him softly. “Night,” she said, and the corners of his mouth curled up in a sleepy smile. His arm remained wrapped around her as she flipped over and pressed her back to his chest. 

Just when a stillness had settled around them, she heard Chris mumble her name.  
“Hmm?”

“If Mark fixes the heat in those rooms I’m toooootally not going back to mine.”

She snickered at his slurred speech and threaded her fingers with his.

“Good, ‘cause I wouldn’t let you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been fully satisfied with this ending--it seems a little abrupt--but I've stared at it long enough. Whatever. 
> 
> Would love to hear your thoughts as always!


	9. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only real note here is that I had to come up with a real title this time. (The original title, if anyone remembers this from Tumblr, was "the EVA drama fic we all wanted. that's it, that's the title.") Really outdid myself there. Even though that's a pretty accurate description of what this is. *confetti emoji*
> 
> and I feel like I can stop saying that this includes updates. because everything's gonna include updates from here on out, folks.

Here’s the thing about EVAs.  


EVAs were not short and sweet. The average spacewalk (when it was highly planned and not executed in a hot second because _broken spaceship_ ) lasted six hours. Today was no exception. The ship needed maintenance, and NASA had sent a detailed, complicated set of procedures for the necessary tasks. 

The first four hours of this spacewalk had consisted of Chris Beck and Alex Vogel clearing rust and debris from the ship’s surface and performing thorough inspections of all outside components. For the last two hours, Beck would be on his own. 

Usually, NASA wouldn’t order a spacewalk if there wasn’t enough to keep two astronauts busy the whole time, so that one would never be out there alone. Like most things on the Ares 3 mission, however, “usual” circumstances didn’t apply anymore. 

The mission’s previous maintenance EVAs (three pre-rescue and one post) involved Beck and Vogel assessing and fixing erosion and damage, and they went flawlessly. This time, two of the ship’s outer motors needed parts replaced, and although the repair process was lengthy, the area of operation was so small that only one astronaut could perform the task. Beck, as the mission’s EVA specialist, was the one for the job. 

Back in training, he’d practiced this particular task once or twice, but NASA didn’t expect it to become a problem. An unexpected mission extension changed that, of course. Beck had spent a couple of days reviewing procedures with NASA experts, and by the time it was go time, he felt pretty comfortable with the task at hand. (He didn’t have much of a choice, though--it had to be done.) 

Perhaps more taxing than being on an EVA for six hours was being one of the astronauts back inside the ship. They were in constant communication with their spacewalking crewmates, but there wasn’t much they could do besides wait for them to be done. Two crew members were always at their stations during an EVA, monitoring biodata and ready to call out any information that was needed, such as their current velocity or the angle of the ship. Science tasks were put on hold during a spacewalk, so the others never had much to do. 

When Beck was out on an EVA, Beth Johanssen actually preferred to be working at her station. It gave her a task to perform, something to pay attention to--something apart from her own worries. She knew he’d trained extensively for this work, but still, her stomach couldn’t help but turn at the thought of him _literally_ floating in space, with any number of things that could go wrong at once. 

Of course, there were any number of things that could go wrong during every second of the mission. They’d all signed up for that, and they were used to the idea. But most of the time, they were all in the same amount of danger. 

The knowledge that for the time being, Chris was severely more at risk than she was? Beth would never be prepared to deal with that. 

The first part of the EVA, with Beck and Vogel together, had gone off without a hitch. They’d done all the necessary maintenance and reported the results of their inspections back to Mission Control. Then, Vogel ventured back into the airlock, where he would stay suited up (minus his helmet) should his assistance become necessary. 

After that, Beck was on his own.

\---

Sometime in the middle of the day, Johanssen and Lewis were stationed in the cockpit with Beck on the com. Watney and Martinez were on the rear side of the bridge, going through their latest emails from home. They all usually preferred to stay in the room if they were off duty--nobody liked feeling disconnected during an EVA. 

Beck was about halfway through the procedure. He had already unscrewed the portion of one panel that needed a new part, done the replacement, and was preparing to reattach it. 

His voice came over the com. “Shit, where’d that bolt go?” 

Lewis answered. “What was that, Beck?” 

“The bolt that’ll hold the panel back in place. I don’t know where it went.” 

CAPCOM’s static-y voice came on. “Beck, do we copy correctly that the bottom half of the panel is screwed back on, but you’re missing the bolt for the top half?” 

“That’s correct,” he answered, sounding annoyed. 

Johanssen shifted in her seat and looked at Lewis, who wore an expression of concentrated concern. 

CAPCOM spoke again. “Copy that. Are you in a position where you can turn around and see if it’s behind you?” 

“I can try,” Beck said. “But it’ll be tough. I have to hold this panel in place with one hand so the movement of the ship doesn’t tear it off.” 

“Beck, don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with,” Lewis ordered. “We can reevaluate how to go about this.” 

Johanssen, who had ceased typing, listened along and bit her thumbnail. 

“It’s alright,” said Beck. “Starting to turn.” 

He slowly maneuvered himself as best he could while maintaining pressure on the panel. When he reached 180 degrees, he saw the godforsaken bolt floating behind him. He reached out his bulky glove-covered hand, but it was too far away by a few inches. 

“Beck, status,” asked CAPCOM. 

“Good,” he answered, tension in his voice. “I see it, but I can’t reach. It’s just a few –” 

His transmission over the com went out with a loud thud. 

“Chris?” Johanssen cried, jolting up from her seat but being caught by the straps. She fumbled to unclasp the buckle and shake herself free, joining Watney and Martinez in the middle of the cockpit, waiting for Lewis--who was also calling for Beck--to act. 

In the airlock, Vogel instinctively let go of the power bar he was eating to reach for his helmet. “Dr. Beck?” he called out as the power bar floated in front of him. 

“Beck, status? Report status,” CAPCOM demanded. 

“We lost his signal. He was just saying he was reaching for the bolt, then a crash and then nothing," reported Lewis, worry evident in her voice. More radio silence. 

"Vogel, do you have a visual on him from where you are? Can you -" she started to ask, before the beep of a radio turning on interrupted her. 

“Hermes, I’m good, I’m fine,” came Beck’s voice. Johanssen inhaled sharply, her breath audibly shaking. Watney put a hand on her shoulder as the others all let out sighs of relief. 

“What happened?” Lewis demanded. 

“I think I caught a drift when I reached for the bolt too fast,” he began, his voice stable but stunned. “My hand slipped off the panel and it slammed into my helmet from behind, and the force knocked my com out. I had to reset it.” 

“That’s all?” 

“Yeah. I’m fine,” he assured. “A little shaken up but fine.” 

Lewis took a deep breath, and the others followed suit. That feeling of dread had been all too familiar, and they were not prepared to deal with it again. Johanssen, doing her best to remain alert, returned to her station as soon as she noticed her hands trembling. She brought up his biomonitor data on her screen to check for herself. 

CAPCOM spoke again. “Copy Beck, are you feeling comfortable to proceed?" 

"Yeah, everything's nominal with my suit," he answered. 

"Copy. Where is the panel now?” 

“I have it; It didn’t go anywhere. And I have the bolt.” 

“Copy. And the second bolt?” 

“Still attached to the panel. I’m gonna get ‘em both drilled back in now.” 

Lewis spoke again. “Johanssen, do you still have all his readings?” 

She swallowed hard, snapping herself into focus from where she was absorbed in his readings. “Yeah, all normal. Quick rise in heart rate but that's easily explained.” 

Outside the ship, Beck closed his eyes and sighed silently. He knew that wasn’t an _I’m okay!_ voice. That was an _I’m trying really hard to make sure everybody thinks I’m okay!_ voice. 

“Roger that. Good. Okay Beck, what do you have left to do?” 

“Once this is attached, I just have to do the same thing to the panel right next to it. Except I’ll keep the damn bolt anchored down this time. Should only take an hour or so.” 

“Dr. Beck, do you want me to come be of assistance?” Vogel said from the airlock. 

“No, thanks man, but they were right about there hardly being room to maneuver down here,” Beck replied. 

“But stay alert and ready, Vogel,” Lewis said. 

“Of course.” 

Back in the cockpit, Martinez caught Lewis’s eye. “Hey, let’s switch out,” he said, nodding his head toward Johanssen, who was still glued to her screen. 

Lewis nodded in understanding. “Yeah, it’s about time. You guys take over. I want to read Beck’s stats for myself before I go, though.” 

Johanssen unbuckled herself again. “I’m gonna...” she started, before realizing she didn't know what she was trying to say. "Get some water." She turned to float off the bridge. 

“Take as long as you need,” Lewis responded, her voice gentle. 

Johanssen did, in fact, want some water, but she wanted to be alone in her bunk even more. When she reached the bottom of the ladder, she turned to walk down the hallway to her room, but stopped short when she glanced out the window. There he was, working diligently further down the hull. The ship rotated him out of view after a few seconds, thank god. The physical distance between them wasn’t far, but the sight of him all alone--all alone in space--was too much. 

Finally, she flopped down on her bed and allowed her tense muscles to relax. She was fine. _Chris_ was fine. She just needed a minute. 

He was NASA’s best, a total expert in spacewalk procedures and skills. She knew that. She was proud of him for that. But none of that could change how uneasy she felt every time he was out there. 

Until today, nothing had actually happened to warrant her nerves. He’d done plenty of dangerous things before--crawling along the ship’s hull, briefly going untethered with the MMU for “fun” during his last EVA--but her nerves in those moments didn’t even compare to the complete horror she’d felt today when they’d lost his signal. That awful thud could have meant so many things. The seconds before they heard from him again felt like ages. 

She took another deep breath, wishing it was possible to wipe her brain clean of every horrible scenario that could’ve happened out there. He knew she’d be worrying about him, and she knew he’d be worrying about _her_ worrying. Worrying worrying worrying. When would they be home so they could stop worrying? 

All this and more was on her mind when she semi-consciously arrived in the kitchen and put a food pack into the microwave. She hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast, and even though it was after lunchtime, she wasn’t hungry. She felt dizzy, though, and didn’t know what else to do about it. 

Usually, if she was eating by herself, she couldn’t be bothered to sit down at the table--she’d take her food to a desk to keep working. So when Lewis walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting there alone, poking mindlessly at her spaghetti, the commander knew she wasn't totally back to herself. 

“You okay, Johanssen?” Lewis asked as she refilled her cup with water. 

Johanssen looked up. “Oh, hi. Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” She twirled a bite’s worth of spaghetti on her fork, hoping that would convey _I’m eating and I’m fine!_

Lewis raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t buying it. She took a seat across from her and sat quietly for a moment. “You shaken up from what happened out there?” she asked. 

Johanssen raised her eyes, but didn’t meet her commander’s gaze. She sighed and tried not to squirm in her chair. Lewis waited patiently. Why was it so hard for her to admit what was on her mind to people she trusted? She hated that about herself. 

“I know it’s dumb,” she mumbled. “But…” Another sigh. “I just always get so nervous when he’s out there.” She prodded the pasta again to keep herself from getting up and running away. Why did she feel so embarrassed to admit that? It’s not like Lewis didn’t know about them. 

“It’s not dumb,” Lewis said. “ _Beth_.” She stared intently at the youngest member of her crew until she met her eyes. “It’s not dumb at all. Don’t think that.” 

There was something different about this Commander Lewis. Looking at her now, reading her expression, Johanssen realized she was talking to a peer, a friend. This wasn’t her commander checking in to ensure that all systems, literal and intellectual, were functioning at their peak. This was Melissa Lewis checking in on Beth Johanssen. 

Lewis continued, her voice calm and reassuring. “That’s what happens when you have someone whose well-being is your first priority, even before your own. Them being at risk is the only thing in the world you can’t fathom. If you were out there and he was in here, you know he’d feel the exact same way.” 

Johanssen looked down and nodded. She did know that.

Lewis studied Johanssen from across the table. She’d always admired her; she’d been impressed by her talents from the first time she heard her name circulating around NASA. The two of them weren’t extremely close on a personal level, but she knew there was a lot of mutual respect. She also knew, from what she’d observed about Johanssen’s studious personality, that breaking a rule in the way she and Beck had wouldn’t have been a careless or easy action. Their relationship wasn’t just something to make the days go by faster--it was something completely genuine that had built up over time. Lewis respected that, and she felt like Beth needed to hear it from her. 

The commander took a calm, collected breath. “The two of you have done an incredible job of keeping everything professional, and I greatly appreciate that,” she began. Johanssen looked up, unsure of where this was going. “But don’t think I expect you not to be more deeply affected than the rest of us when something like this happens.” She shrugged. “How could you not be? I would never hold that against you.” 

Johanssen felt something in her body relax. She had, she supposed, been afraid to acknowledge she was terrified by what happened to Beck in front of her crewmates, but what Lewis said made perfect sense. It’s not like any of them expected anything different. They were her friends, and they understood. As long as she didn’t lose her mind and endanger anyone else--which she wasn’t planning on doing anytime soon--they didn’t care. 

Much to her own surprise, a small laugh came out when Johanssen opened her mouth to reply. She shook her head and then looked up at her commander in a moment of full vulnerability. Lewis was smiling. 

“It’s one of those things that… sounds so obvious when said out loud that you can’t believe you were worrying about it before,” Johanssen said with a smile. “Thanks.”

Lewis smiled. She gestured at Johanssen’s spaghetti. “Eat up before it gets cold. You’ll feel better.” 

She stood up from the table as Johanssen picked up her fork. “Oh, and I probably should’ve said this long ago,” Lewis said. “But I _am_ sorry if I embarrassed you when I basically told everyone about you and Chris.” She paused. “Even though it was pretty funny in retrospect.” 

Johanssen laughed again, harder this time. “We probably deserved it,” she said. “We were way overconfident about that.” 

Lewis smiled. “Come back whenever you’re ready. He’ll be finishing up before too long.” 

Johanssen nodded and looked down at her food. Suddenly, it looked like the most delicious meal she’d ever laid eyes on. She shoveled it down, realizing how hungry she was with each bite. When she finished, she cleaned up and walked over to the rec’s giant windows. 

She was still nervous. That wasn’t going to change. Lewis had just helped her realize she didn’t need to feel guilty about feeling that way. And it was a relief, honestly. 

Once the ship made half a revolution, she could see Chris working again. She leaned her forehead against the window and watched until he spun out of view, remembering the time when he'd blown a kiss to her as he waited to capture the resupply probe. Her heart warmed at the memory. 

Then, with another sigh, she headed back to the cockpit. 

\---

The next 30 minutes were torturously slow. The four of them sat in the cockpit listening to Beck’s final reports on his work and tests for the new parts. Martinez and Watney, naturally, took it upon themselves to make Johanssen laugh as much as possible while they waited. 

Finally, CAPCOM gave Beck clearance to go back inside. Watney went to help Vogel de-suit, and then they both helped Beck out of his. 

“You gave us a scare there, buddy,” Watney said once Beck’s helmet was off.

“Look who’s talking,” he replied. 

Back in the cockpit, Lewis waited to give the all clear while Johanssen compiled and sent Beck and Vogel’s biomonitor data back to Mission Control. Once Houston confirmed receipt, they were free to go meet the others. 

When she, Lewis, and Martinez reached the airlock, Vogel and Watney had already left. Beck floated in the light t-shirt and mesh gym shorts he wore under the heavy suit, storing all the parts back in their respective cases. He looked up in recognition when he heard the others approach. 

“Hey dude, thanks for not dying,” said Martinez. 

Lewis gave him a pointed look and turned back to Beck. “Good work out there. Need any more help?” 

“Nah, I’m almost done,” he replied. 

Johanssen hovered behind Lewis and Martinez in the small opening, not quite ready to see his face. She wasn’t sure how she’d react. 

“Alright, well take some time to relax before the evening debrief. We’ll see you there.” Lewis put her hand on Martinez’s shoulder and pushed them both back into the corridor. 

Squeezing past the others, Johanssen finally met Beck’s tired eyes. 

“Hey,” she said quietly as she pushed off the wall toward him. 

He reached out to meet her hand and pull her into his arms. “Hey.” 

Clutching at his back, she buried her face into the crook of his neck. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said softly. 

He kissed the side of her head. “Sorry if that freaked you out.” 

She huffed a laugh. “ _If?_ ”

He let out a chuckle and rubbed her back. 

“All I could picture when we heard that thud was you getting swept away,” she said, her voice even quieter than before. “I hate when you’re out there.” 

He sighed, lifting her slightly so he could rest his nose on her shoulder. She wrapped her legs around his waist and linked her ankles together, clinging onto him tightly. 

There were few things nicer than hugging in zero gravity, where they could just clutch each other however they wanted without fear of losing balance or toppling over. They merely floated, holding each other. 

“I'm sorry I put you through that,” he said. 

She pressed a kiss to his neck. “Don't apologize. It wasn’t your fault.” 

“I know. But still.” 

Legs still linked around him, she leaned back and rested her hands on his chest. He smiled and reached around her head, pulling her short ponytail out of its hair tie and sending her hair floating in a million directions. 

She rolled her eyes and smirked. “How are you still amused by that?”

“How could I not be?”

Smiling, she leaned forward and kissed him, quickly at first and then again, her hand resting lightly on his face. 

He put a hand on top of hers, then gently pulled her off him. “Come on. I wanna get out of these gross sweaty clothes.” They floated out of the airlock, closed it on the other side, and drifted toward the ladder back to the bunks. 

While Beck went to take a quick shower, Johanssen sat cross-legged on their bed and opened her laptop to send out the day’s data dump. She was almost caught up on her own emails when he came back into the room. 

“Feel better?” she asked. 

“Much better.” He sat down and leaned back, resting his head in her lap. She ran her hand through his damp hair and closed her laptop. 

“How much time ‘til the briefing?” he murmured, his eyes closed. 

She checked. “Hour and fifteen minutes.” 

“Mhmm,” was his reply. 

Still stroking his hair, she rested her head against the wall and let her thoughts wander. 

Several minutes later, she scrunched her brow, remembering something he’d told her about an experiment. “Did you ever figure out what was up with that bacterial reaction the other day?” she asked. God, they were nerds. 

No answer. 

She bent over to look at his face. He was fast asleep. If she could’ve kissed his warm head without shifting her position and risking waking him up, she would’ve. She smiled to herself and leaned back instead. 

He was okay. She was okay. 

Everything was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scientific accuracy (or lack thereof) is not a thing I claim to have put any effort into lmao 
> 
> just sayin' 
> 
> *another confetti emoji*


	10. What's next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry this took a while, but I wrote it from scratch and wanted to be happy with it. 
> 
> For the record, setting is throughout the final trip home to Earth, in case you forgot where the last one left off. 
> 
> Just wanted to explore how they come to agree on what's going to happen when they arrive home. Hope you enjoy.

You’d think finding out they’d left Mark alive on Mars was the most startling thing the data dump could deliver.  


(And it was.)

This, though… This messed with Beth’s head almost as much. 

Chris got an email from Yale, his alma mater, offering him basically any type of research and teaching position he wanted in their medical department upon his return. 

He told Beth right away. She was impressed and proud. He was flattered but not interested. 

She doesn’t think much of it after that, but later, in the shower, it hits her hard. That offer is probably just one of many headed his (and her) way. She isn’t dumb; she knows their experiences will be in high demand. So what will that mean?

It’s not the idea of new jobs that freaks her out--they’ve even talked about both wanting to stick around NASA to see through the various projects they’re involved with outside the mission. In fact, it’s that very concept of “outside the mission” that freaks her out: the end of whatever life they’ve all settled into after so much time up here. 

What if getting home meant pretending _they_ hadn’t happened, because of how it would look, or for the sake of getting back to “normal” or moving on with their lives or something? 

(Deep down, she knows that isn’t going to be the case. But what if it was?) 

She knows their feelings are real, that she’s truly in love with him. It’s just that every part of them being together has been under the pretense of this (seemingly) never-ending journey through space, and now that they’re actually headed home, she’s surprised by how much she doesn’t know what that means. They’ve just never had to address it. They’ve been so present. Getting back to Mars was always next. Now real life is next. 

It’s about 15 minutes until lights out, and Beth’s curled up against Chris’s side in her favorite soft white t-shirt of his, an arm draped across his bare chest and her head, deep in thought, resting on his shoulder. One of his arms is tucked around her, and the other balances his tablet on his stomach as he reads. They’ve been in a comfortable silence for about half an hour. This time they spend together before falling asleep, quiet or not, is her favorite part of every day. 

It’s so easy to imagine doing this same thing every night, in a real bed, on solid ground, at the end of each day of a real life. 

She feels like she’s going to fall apart if she doesn’t check in to make sure that’s an option. 

(She’s also willing to bet he already thinks about stuff like that all the time, and has for quite a while. It’s easier for him to imagine things than it is for her. But she’s Beth Johanssen, pragmatic, analytic Beth Johanssen, and she needs to hear things stated as fact before she allows herself to believe them.)

“Chris,” she says quietly as she pokes his wrist. 

“Hmm?” he answers, turning his head to look down at her. When he sees the concerned look on her face and realizes she’s just sort of staring at nothing in particular, he puts down his tablet, giving her his full attention. 

She’s quiet for a moment, then meets his eyes. “Do we still exist, after this?” she asks, and Chris can’t even begin to wrap his mind around how to respond before she shifts her eyes back down and continues. 

“I know we both know this isn’t just some fling, but now that we’re actually on the way home, and the idea of being off this ship is finally something I’m even able to fathom, I can’t stop thinking about how I like this, _us_ , so much more than I ever thought I would like something like this, and I don’t…” Beth pauses for a second, unsure of what to say after rushing through so many words. “I don’t want to lose you when this is over,” she finishes in a small voice. 

Chris feels his eyes widen and his heart sink, as if he can’t bear the idea of her thinking he’d walk away. “ _Beth_ ,” he breathes, shifting so he can see her face. “God, that’s the last thing in the world I want to happen.” 

She looks at him again, and they both read each other’s expressions for a moment. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do after this?” she asks. 

He raises his eyebrows and exhales slowly, looking toward the ceiling for a moment. When he meets Beth's heavy gaze again, his eyes are as sincere as she’s ever seen them, like whatever he’s thinking is coming straight from his heart. 

“Look. I have no idea what my future’s going to look like, but I know that I want you in it,” he says. 

“You do?” she responds after a moment, not because she doesn’t believe him, but because she needs to hear it repeated for herself. 

He smiles, eyes wide and earnest. “More than anything.” 

She nods to herself and is quiet for a moment, the last bit of nerves escaping her as she fully relaxes into him. “And I want you in mine.” She returns a shy smile. 

Chris nods too, his face gleaming with happiness and relief, and he weaves his fingers through her hand that’s laying across his chest. “I know it’s daunting, not knowing how different life’s going to be or what’s going to happen next,” he says. “But it sounds way better to figure all that out with you.” 

The corners of Beth’s mouth can’t help but curl up, and she takes him in for a second before angling her face up to kiss him gently. When she pulls away, she feels his arm wrapped even tighter around her back, and he’s smiling in that way that just kills her. 

“I take it you agree?” he jokes, one eyebrow cocked up. 

She laughs into his chest, and she wants to roll her eyes, but just can’t. She’s smiling too much. “Yeah.” 

He kisses her again, wrapping his other arm around her as well, then pulls back so they’re face to face on their sides, noses barely touching. “And hey,” he says, his voice soft but serious. “It’s not like we’re signing our lives away or something, okay? Acknowledging that we’re serious about this shouldn’t feel overwhelming. It’s just…” He shrugs. “It’s what’s next. The only part of what’s next that we’re sure of right now.” 

Beth nods, and she feels like she could cry just from looking at him. She knows he’s saying that because he knows she needs to hear it. Because he sees her, he gets her, he knows this sort of thing might freak her out, but he still wouldn’t change a thing about her. 

And it _should_ freak her out. She keeps coming back to that: this open declaration of wanting to share her life with someone should be freaking her out. 

But it’s not. In fact, it’s relaxing her.

He’s the only thing about the future that _doesn’t_ freak her out. The only thing she can be sure of, just like he said. 

So she says _okay_ and buries her face between him and the pillow and smiles as she feels his lips press against her cheek. 

She’s never been so sure. 

\--- 

A few weeks later, Beth’s careful to land quietly at the bottom of the ladder into the gym. When she sees Chris, she can’t help but smirk and remember the first time she found him alone in here (even though it hadn’t been on purpose, unlike now). 

It was on their initial trip to Mars. She had thought she was going to be alone to run in the gym, but when she turned away from the ladder toward the equipment, she saw him using one of the upper body weight machines on the other side of the room. 

He couldn’t see her, and his headphones ensured he hadn’t heard her either, but she had a pretty damn good view. And like she was operating completely outside of her logical brain, she had just stood there for a few minutes, watching him use the weights, taking full advantage of her perfect 20/20 astronaut vision to notice basically every muscle on him as he worked. 

(Internally chastising herself and still hopelessly trying to deny how attracted she was to him, of course.) 

Much to her horror (but not much to her surprise), she felt her body start to… well, _react_ , after standing there for a few minutes. Flustered and eternally grateful nobody could see her, she snapped out of it and scurried over to the treadmill, shooting him a quick smile when he finally heard her and looked up in acknowledgment. 

About ten minutes later, on his way out of the gym, he held out his hand for a high-five with a friendly smile as he passed her. 

She obliged, and she was really fucking glad she had the whole running thing to explain why her face was so red. 

Now, nearly two years later, she walks over to Chris, noting that he’s on the same machine as he was during that encounter which shall forever remain a confidential Beth Johanssen memory. 

“Hey,” she says, arms crossed in front of her as she approaches him. 

He looks up in surprise. “Hey. You running?” 

“Nah,” she responds. “Just wanted to find you.” She smiles. “Actually, I wanted to run something by you and I was too impatient to wait.” 

He raises his eyebrows, amused, and takes a swig of water. “Okay.” 

Uncrossing her arms, Beth leans against the side of the machine. “Let’s go somewhere when we get home. Just to get away from everything.” 

“Leave home as soon as we get home?” 

She rolls her eyes with a smile. “The whole planet’s going to feel like home, dumbass,” she smirks. “But we’ve essentially been at work nonstop for two years. Let’s take a freaking vacation.” 

Chris nods slowly and leans back. “Okay. Where do you want to go?” 

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “I don’t really care. I just want to like, lay on a beach for a week with nothing to do. And nobody waking me up.” 

He just smiles for a moment, taking in her earnest expression. Then he stands up. “I would _love_ to lay on a beach with you for a week.” 

“Okay.” 

“And I mean, I suppose I could deal with seeing you in a swimsuit every day.”

Beth smirks as he plants a kiss against her head before leaning down to gather up his stuff.

“Pick a beach, any beach. Preferably one we can actually enjoy in January,” he says.

Fair point. “All the beaches I know will be freezing. So we’re gonna have to venture into new territory,” she replies. 

He shrugs, nodding his head toward the window. “We’re pretty good at that.” 

She laughs. “First post-mission task, then. Finding a beach.” 

“Sounds good.” 

With one last smirk, she turns and walks back toward the ladder, perfectly aware that he’s the one watching her this time. 

\--- 

Chris lets his sweatpants fall to the ground and kicks them aside, replacing them with a different pair he’d grown accustomed to sleeping in. 

(Not that it really mattered. It’s remarkable how little variation there is in the wardrobe of an Ares astronaut. People think it’s all about the fancy spacesuits and what not, but when you’re in space for over a year longer than you planned, fashion is just an ever-rotating collection of NASA-branded sweatpants and t-shirts.) 

He’s thinking about a conversation he overheard today between Martinez and Vogel. They’d been joking about the recent emails they’ve been getting from their families now that they’re only two months from home--questions about real life things like taxes and home repairs. 

It’s amusing, but it also reminds him of something he’s been thinking about a lot lately. Something he needs to talk about with Beth, but that he’s been too nervous to bring up. 

This is like any normal night for them, just getting ready for bed, but all of a sudden, he’s jittery as all hell. _No fucking time like the present_ , he thinks. 

“Hey, all your stuff is in storage back home, right?” he asks as casually as he can while tying the drawstring on his pants. 

Beth, seated sideways on the small bed, looks up from the laptop in front of her and raises an eyebrow. “Yeah,” she says, sounding dismayed. “Sounded like a good idea then, but it’s gonna be a big pain in the ass to deal with.” 

“Well…” Chris begins as he bends down to collect his dirty clothes. “You know I own my condo. For now, at least.” He hesitates, bundling up the clothes and looking like he’s lost in thought. 

Beth watches him closely even though he isn’t meeting her eyes. She might know where this is going. 

He throws his clothes on the small desk, then plops down at the head of the bed against the pillows. “I hope this doesn’t sound totally out of left field, and I don’t _think_ it should, but… Instead of looking for a new place when we get back, would you want to just move all your stuff in with me?” 

Beth looks down into her lap and smiles to herself for a few moments. Then she pushes her laptop out of the way and scoots closer to him. “I think that’s a good idea.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” She smiles. “I’ve actually thought about that before. I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up,” she admits with a chuckle. 

And it’s true. In fact, the only reason she hasn’t been feeling anxious about sorting out a new living situation for herself when they return to Houston is because she figured this conversation would eventually happen. Because between the discussions they’ve already had about wanting this to last when they get home, and the way she feels about him, and the way she knows he feels about her, it’s just what makes sense. They’re ready for it. 

He laughs, feeling the last of his jitters fading away. “Well that makes two of us. But good. I’m glad we’re… on the same page, I guess.” 

“We usually are,” Beth says, and they just smile at each other for a moment. Because they have been since the beginning. That’s why they’ve always been drawn to each other, from being friends to being way more. 

“I mean, I think we’ve passed just about every pre-living together test we could possibly need up here,” she continues. “Actually, we’re pretty much already living together.” 

“That’s what I was thinking,” Chris says. He pauses. “Plus, I’m not wild about the idea of going back to sleeping in a bed without you in it.” 

( _Understatement_ , he thinks to himself. In fact, Watney managed to fix the overheated bunk rooms not long after he was allowed back on duty, because of course he did. When this news was announced at the next crew meeting and Chris and Beth instinctively looked at each other with just the slightest bit of distress on their faces, they were subject to immediate mockery. _Don’t worry, lovebirds_ , Lewis had said with a roll of her eyes. _Nobody’s going to make you separate_. And they didn’t.) 

Laughing, Beth wraps up one of his hands in both of hers. She brings it to her mouth to kiss his knuckles, then rests the bundle of hands close to her chest. “I love you,” she says softly. “And I’m… I don’t know, I’m kind of nervous, but mostly excited. Just to figure shit out. With you.” 

Chris smiles like she’s the best thing he’s ever seen, and he tugs the hand she’s grasping, pulling her close to him. “I love you too,” he says when she’s just inches from his face before kissing her firmly. 

When they break apart, she lays her head down on his chest, and he runs his hand through her hair. “Crazy how real this is all starting to seem, huh?” he muses. 

“I know.” 

She sounds sleepy. He won’t be surprised if she’s asleep within the next few minutes. 

Chris rests his head against the wall and lets his thoughts wander. Beth Johanssen is moving in with him. That nerdy, pretty, brilliant astronaut he’s been in love with for years is going to _live_ with him. On Earth. For real. 

It’s enough of a dream that before too long, he’s asleep too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penny for your thoughts?


	11. Five times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. 
> 
> So. The beginning of this might seem a little out of chronological order, but when you get to the end, hopefully my reasoning for placing this here will make sense. Since they, y'know, land. 
> 
> I made some big changes here, expanded on some moments with new stuff, and ended up really happy with this. Hope you like it.

Sometimes a human being just knows something, even when there’s no supporting logic or physical evidence or reason whatsoever.  


No one can quite explain it, but there are moments when something just clicks: the mud clears up, everything makes sense, and feeling turns into knowing.

There were five times when they knew.

  


i.

Chris Beck was self-aware enough to know that he liked Beth Johanssen. _Really_ liked her.

Right now, they were three months away from launch, and he’d been pretty sure of his feelings since a few months into training. He thought about her when he went home at night and looked forward to when he’d get to see her the next day. He wasn’t consumed or obsessed – just enamored with her personality, tickled to be in her presence whenever he got the chance.

The end of the mission was a long way away, but he’d settled to think that maybe he’d give it a shot when they were back home. In the meantime, he’d never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. They were friends, close friends, and he knew she trusted him, as he did with her. That was more important to him than anything else.

One evening, after a long day of training, he yawned as he pushed open the door leading from the freezing air-conditioned Johnson Space Center lobby into the warm Houston sunset. He shuffled across the pavement toward the parking lot, not paying much attention to his surroundings, and looked up in surprise when he heard his name.

Beth sat cross-legged on a bench next to the sidewalk, hoodie up and beeps from a game coming from her phone.

“Hey,” he said with a confused half-smile. “What are you still doing here?”

She stood up and slung her backpack over one shoulder. “I realized we didn’t finish our conversation about the worst superhero movie ever made,” she said. “And I obviously wasn’t about to go home without completing my argument.”

He laughed, internally beaming over the fact that she cared enough to wait around for him. “Yeah, I think ‘argument’ is a better word than 'conversation.' Remind me where we left off?”

She smirked at his smugness. “I’m sure you remember that _you_ got to make your full case for  _Batman & Robin_, whereas  _I_ got cut off by Venkat.” 

It was true: the whole crew had been engrossed in spacesuit maintenance, sprawled across the floor of a room near the pool. Beck and Johanssen sat near each other as they worked, somehow landing on the topic of bad superhero movies. They exchanged ruthless critiques of several films before forcing themselves to pick an ultimate least favorite. When Dr. Kapoor had made an unexpected appearance to talk to them about some mission details, Beth was cut short, and then end-of-day tasks kept them from returning to the subject.

“Mmhmm, now I remember,” Beck joked as they began making their way across the vast parking lot. “You were trying to tell me _The Green Lantern_ was worse than _Batman & Robin_. Continue, by all means.” His grin was facetious.

Beth glared at him. “Fine. Three reasons. The fucking accent that guy uses in the opening narration. They literally set it up to be terrible from the beginning. Plus, Hal was a giant dick with zero redeemable qualities. And every alien in that movie looks like a fourth grade art project. That’s all.” She looked up at Chris as they walked, who squinted and cocked his head to the side, pretending to consider her case.

“Wait, one more thing,” she said. “That fucking CGI face mask on Ryan Reynolds. End of discussion.” She jumped in front of him, walking backward as she gestured a mic-drop.

Unable to keep up his unimpressed act, Beck laughed and shook his head.

“ _Ha!_ I’ll take that as a sign of my victory,” she exclaimed, still walking backward alongside him.

Beck rolled his eyes, but he did so happily. He pointed to his right, signaling that they’d approached her car. She stopped, still facing him, and raised her eyes expectantly.

“Say it. Say I won.”

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. Yours was the better argument, I’ll give you that. Well-researched. Good examples. 10 out of 10.”

She smiled, but not how she usually smiled. Beth smiles were usually more like little smirks, with tight lips and dimples. This was a rare full-fledged grin, with teeth and glowing cheekbones and beaming eyes. The sunset was behind her as she punched her fists up Rocky-style, and Chris felt every bit of air sucked right out of him as he watched her.

Until then, he’d considered it a crush. A crush that he might have the chance to explore a few years from now, but a crush nonetheless. But he was wrong.

That smile was when he knew he was in love with her, and had been for a long time. 

  


ii.

“Jesus, I didn’t see you.”

It was late – not quite lights out, but getting there – and Beth hadn’t expected anyone else to be up. There was almost always noise when someone was in the rec, so she was surprised when she noticed Chris on the couch after a few silent minutes of rummaging around in the kitchen for a pack of cookies.

“Have you just been sitting there silently this whole time?” she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I didn’t want to startle you,” he smiled. “Late night snack?”

She shrugged and padded across the room toward him. “Yeah, I guess. Although these are starting to taste like cardboard.”

He smiled again in acknowledgment. They were about a month away from Mars, and the whole crew had overestimated the amount of time they could go before getting sick of space food. (Little did they know just how long of a journey lay ahead of them.)

She sat down next to him, curling her knees up to her chest. His head was slumped against the back of the couch, and his legs extended all the way out on the ground with his ankles crossed. 

“Whatcha doing out here?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s just nice to totally zone out, you know?”

"Yeah,” she said as she exhaled. He’d found her doing the same thing before, actually. There was something relaxing about gazing out into complete nothingness, even though it probably should’ve had the exact opposite effect.

They enjoyed each other’s company in silence for a few minutes, watching as the ship spun them around. At one point, she extended the pouch of cookies out to him, and he accepted one.

“Do you ever get caught up thinking about exactly how far away we are?” she asked after a while.

He raised his eyebrows and thought for a moment. “Yeah. Although it also freaks me out how easy it is to forget, since it all looks the same every day. It’s not like we’re passing mile markers or anything. Makes you lose all perception of distance.” He turned to her. “You know what I mean?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” 

And she did. She appreciated certain things about each of her crewmates, but this was why Chris was her favorite person to talk to. They were on the same page; they understood each other. For whatever reason, it’d been like that from the beginning, and she was grateful for it.

They chatted back and forth for a while. He told her about the experiment prep he’d done earlier, and she recounted an email from her parents in which they’d detailed a successful quest to reunite a stray dog with its owner. It was relaxing, and it was really nice. 

When the lights dimmed in the nightly attempt to simulate some type of bedtime, Chris rolled his head toward her. “I swear to god, whenever that happens I feel like I’m at summer camp and a counselor is yelling at me to go to sleep. It might be the only thing that I completely hate about being up here.”

Beth laughed, resting her elbow atop the couch and leaning her head on the palm of her hand. “You went to summer camp?”

He chuckled. “Oh yeah. My parents sent me every year. Then when I was in high school I went back and was a lifeguard at the lake for a few summers.” He smiled at the memory, staring at a random spot on the floor before turning his gaze back to her. “Did you ever go?”

She crinkled her face and shrugged. “My mom sent me to Girl Scout camp when I was in fifth grade, but I got in trouble for hiding in my sleeping bag during the day with an old Gameboy my cousin gave me. And when they took it away I had another packed in my bag.” She looked at Chris, who was barely concealing a giant grin. “I didn’t go back after that.”

He smiled for a few seconds longer, then burst out laughing. He came really, really close to saying _and that’s why I fucking adore you_. 

Beth snickered at her younger self along with him, then watched him as he turned back toward the window. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Beth,” Chris said, his voice quiet and his face wearing a relaxed, content smile. 

It wasn’t melancholy, or uncomfortable, or emotional – just a sincere statement spoken naturally from one friend to another. Beth smiled, noting how peaceful he looked – his torso slouched, his hands tucked in the pockets of his sweatshirt, his sock-clad feet stretched out on the floor, his face molded into a sleepy smile. _God, I love him_ , she thought.

Wait.

She froze, her eyes wide. A buzz of shock briefly overcame her but then dissipated rather quickly into… calm?

In a single instant, it all made sense.

The years of noticing she spent more time thinking about Chris than the others but not knowing why, the way she smiled every time his name popped up on her phone screen, the reason why it felt like the two of them spoke the same language that only they could understand.

She wasn’t an idiot; she knew she was important to him. But a reel of every interaction they’d ever had flashed through her analytical mind. 

Was this... mutual? Did he feel differently about her than he did the others, like she just realized she did with him? 

He was kind, and caring, and friendly, but he was the doctor. That’s how he was supposed to be. 

“You okay?”

She snapped back into focus, turning toward his voice. “Huh? Yeah… Just tired.” 

Despite being a little overwhelmed, she forced herself to look at him, to _really_ look at him. And boy, the way he was looking back at her – that gaze of inquisitive admiration – was just about too much for her to handle right then.

That was when she knew that somewhere along the way, he had become way more than just her friend. 

  


iii.

Nothing about the fundamental dynamic of their relationship changed after Beth’s revelation. 

(She spent more time trying to work through her feelings as she attempted to fall asleep every night, sure, but he was still her best friend.) 

They got to Mars, they spent six days on Mars, they left Mars, and then they returned to the _Hermes_ as a crew of five.

The first week back felt like it didn’t even happen. The five of them barely spoke, mostly keeping to themselves and exchanging words only in the name of necessity or practicality.

During the second week, the numbness wore off and the reality of the situation sunk in. Nights became sleepless, and tears began falling. 

Beth knew with every fiber of her being that if she’d lost any other person she cared about, Chris was the person she’d go to for support. Throughout the last few years, he’d been her anchor, the person she talked things out with. She wanted nothing more than to let down her guard and allow herself to crumble, but her sense of duty and her obligation to stay alert kept her grief suppressed deep within her. She didn’t know what would happen if she truly allowed herself to process the loss, but she did know that Chris was the only person she’d be able to break down in front of. So she couldn’t let that happen. 

Chris knew Beth too well to believe she was doing okay, but it’s not like he was doing much better. His instinct to care overcame him anytime he was around any of his mourning crewmates, but he knew he had to give them their space. He also knew he was desperate to help the others because it allowed him to ignore his own grief and focus on a different problem. 

On the day that marked three weeks after their departure from Mars – the day they’d had to eulogize their friend for a funeral millions of miles away – he ventured into the kitchen after lights out, in hopes that some tea would help him fall asleep. Instead, he noticed a tiny huddled figure on the floor by the window, surrounded by the moving shadows of the ship outside.

He moved across the room, hands in his pockets and head down, and lowered himself to the floor. “Hey,” he said softly.

Curled up in a ball, Beth’s chin rested on her forearms, which rested atop her knees. She angled her face to look at him. “Hey.”

They looked at each other for a few moments, silently acknowledging the strange fact that they hadn’t had a normal conversation in what felt like so long. Chris exhaled and looked out at the vastness of space ahead of them.

“I’m sorry if I…” Beth started. She paused, unsure what she was trying to say. “If it’s felt like I’m avoiding you. I’ve been afraid that I’d…” She paused again as her voice choked, and her breath shook as she inhaled. “That I’d unravel. Around you. Because you’re different than them, you know that.”

Her nose returned to its resting point atop her arms, and she felt a warm hand circle her back. 

“I know,” Chris said softly, realizing he probably meant a couple different things by that. “It’s okay to unravel, though. I certainly have.”

He kept rubbing her back as her body began to shake softly, and he scooted closer to her as he heard her first few stifled sobs. Tears welled up in his own eyes as he sat with her, wishing he could do more than murmur mundane reassurances.

When she raised her head a few minutes later and wiped her eyes with her sleeves, she turned to him and read his expression. It was an intense gaze, but she was too exhausted to try and figure out what it meant. 

Still sniffling, she swiveled herself toward him and let her head fall against his shoulder, remaining curled up with her knees against his chest. He adjusted his legs so that one was on either side of her small body and wrapped his arms around her, pressing his lips softly against her hair in what he told himself wasn’t a kiss, but rather a platonic gesture of affection.

Like the most natural series of events in the universe, they responded to each other. Her feet moved over his legs to link behind his back, and he pulled her closer; his face found a place to rest in the crook of her neck and her fingertips clutched at his shirt. Beth closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, knowing this was what she wanted, _needed_ , and for the first time, feeling like he might want it too. 

They sat holding each other in their embrace for a while, and then he spoke softly. “Have you been able to sleep?”

She sighed against his shoulder. “Barely. A few hours each night.”

He hated to do it, but he gently pulled her away from him. “C’mon. We both need sleep.” 

She nodded, and they stood up, untangling themselves from each other. He placed a warm hand on the small of her back as they approached the ladder, and they floated wordlessly through the ship.

When they descended the ladder to the narrow hallway, they stopped in front of Beth’s room, the first of the six. Looking down, she opened the door, hesitant and confused and unsure, and turned to face him. “Night,” she said with a half-smile, before slipping into the room and sliding the door closed behind her.

Inside, she stood in the tiny, dark space and wrapped her arms around herself. It felt so wrong to be alone. 

Outside, he stood facing the direction of his room, hands in pockets, trying to compel himself to walk down the hall.

Beth took a deep breath, allowing herself to accept that this might be the only good thing amidst the utter devastation that was their lives right now. She knew she wasn’t just sad or unstable, and that her feelings, muddled as they may be, went way back, further than she’d ever be able to pinpoint.

Against her better judgment, she turned around and slid open the door, and –-

He was still there.

She inhaled sharply when she saw him, and when he looked up, she knew he’d been having the same thoughts out here. Their eyes met in an intense gaze for a few moments, wordlessly communicating. She extended her hand toward him and he took it, following her back into the room.

When they were inside, Beth closed the door and turned to him. They took each other in for a few moments, then Chris looked down with a deep breath. 

“Beth,” he nearly whispered, resting his hands on her shoulders, then gently sliding them down her arms to wrap around her fingers. “Maybe it’s... not the time, I don’t even know anymore. But what you said out there, that I’m different from the others, that’s how I feel too, and not like you’re just a better friend or something. You’re... more, and I...” He shook his head, still avoiding her eyes. 

Beth watched him. She felt slightly frozen, but also like there was something warm and soothing inside her that was melting away every bit of her fear. 

His thumbs ran lightly over her hands. “Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this at all, but everything that’s been stopping me just seems so unimportant now, and... If that’s not what you meant, then –” 

“It is,” she said, cutting him off. 

He looked up just as she leaned forward, resting her hand on his cheek and kissing him softly. 

She inched away and placed her other hand on his chest. “It is what I meant.” 

Chris felt a buzz travel through his whole body, but all he could do was nod. “Okay,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her again, weaving his arms around her waist this time. 

What started as an affectionate, deep kiss quickly heated up as months and years of ignored desire for each other finally came to fruition. It wasn’t until Beth was backed against the door, her fingertips beginning a dance along his stomach and tugging at the waistband of his sweatpants that Chris barely managed to clear his mind enough to think straight. 

He broke his lips away from hers but kept them close enough for her to feel his breath on his face. “Beth,” he sighed as he lowered his eyes. “As much as I want... this, want you, we should talk about this, when we’re not exhausted and emotional. Tomorrow. After we’ve slept.” 

She exhaled, bringing her hands back up to his chest, thinking about how long it’d been since her lips had felt so sweetly swollen from a kiss. 

Chris tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Because if acting too impulsively ruined this, I would...” He sighed. “I care about you way too much to let that happen.” 

After a few quiet moments, she gave a tiny nod. She knew he was right. “Just... Stay. Please,” she whispered. “Don’t leave.” 

His eyes widened in affection. “Of course.” 

Beth led them over to the bed, where she climbed in and lifted up the blanket for him to follow her. As soon as he laid down, she curled up against him, burying her face underneath his chin as his arm circled around her. 

He kissed the top of her head, she rested her hand on his hip, and their eyes closed. 

That was when they both knew that no matter what happened or who found out, they were making the right call. They just couldn’t ignore it any longer.

  


iv.

It was the night before their rendezvous with the resupply probe, and Beth had had a few weeks to wrap her mind around the contingency plan. Of course, she’d never fully come to terms with it, but she was at a place where she could (mostly) stow the knowledge in the back of her mind and trust in the world’s best scientists that the launch would be a success.

Still, when she climbed into bed that night, she knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily. She poked at some fuzz on her blanket, tired but knowing full well that she had no chance of falling asleep before Chris got there. (He usually snuck into her room about half an hour after lights out, or whenever movement in the hallway ceased for a decent amount of time, so she still had a while to wait.) 

When the door finally slid open and he slipped inside, bringing an array of shadows with him, she felt a lump in her throat. That could be the last time she watched him do that. 

 _Stop, Beth_ , she chided herself. Thinking like that was exhausting. But how could she not?

She sighed as she routinely held up the blankets for him to slide in next to her, and pressed her face against his chest as she interlaced their legs.

“You alright?” he murmured as he ruffled her hair.

“I’d be better if it was this time tomorrow and we were right here in the same place,” she mumbled.

His smile was sad as he ran his hand up and down her spine. He hated that this anticipation had to weigh heavier on her than the rest of them. It was unfair, but he knew it was necessary. 

He figured Beth would have trouble getting to sleep tonight, but all he could do was be there and try to help her relax. Just when he felt himself starting to drift off, her voice recaptured his attention.

“Have you liked me since Earth?” 

A little surprised, he pulled away to read her face, but her eyes were lowered, unable to look at him. He shrugged. “Of course,” he said, his voice sleepy. “Well, I’ve liked you since our first conversation. I’ve _loved_ you since… I dunno, before we left.”

She smiled against his shirt. Of course he loved her, and of course she loved him, but it was still nice to hear him say it.

He hesitated, unsure why she was asking, but still curious. “Have you?”

Her grip around his waist tightened as she nodded. “I didn’t figure it out ‘til we were up here, but it must’ve happened at some point,” she murmured. They were quiet for a few moments until she spoke again, softer and slower this time. “I guess it’s just nice to know that we sort of existed back there, in case…”

Chris kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer as she faded off, unable to finish the thought. He whispered for her to go to sleep and remained awake as he felt her breathing slow down, mulling over her words in his mind.

She was right, he supposed – their feelings for each other _had_ existed back then, even if they weren’t acknowledged (or even realized). Still, he couldn’t help but feel confident that tomorrow’s launch would provide them with their chance to give Earth a real shot together one day.

Just then, as if she could read his damn mind, Beth semi-consciously pressed her lips against his chest, right near his 14 tattoo. He smiled and brushed his fingers over the 15 on the back of her shoulder.

That was when he knew, somehow, for some reason, that tomorrow wouldn’t be the end of anything. They were going to make it back to Earth, and they were going to do it together.  

  


v.

Landing had been a blur. 

They splashed down in the ocean, still slightly shaken up from reentry, and hazily responded to Lewis when she checked in to ensure everyone was okay. Mission Control spoke to them over the comm system, informing them that the dive crew was approaching the vessel and preparing for extraction.

The crew unbuckled themselves, fiddling in the small space to perform all of their landing procedures before opening the hatch. Over the next half hour, which felt more like a decade, each astronaut was carefully extracted out of the hatch and into the egress rafts, which then carried them two at a time to the nearby Navy barge by helicopter.

Onboard the ship, they stripped off their bulky suits for the last time and changed into new (clean!) jumpsuits as people scrambled around them taking blood pressure readings, asking if anyone felt nauseous, and marveling at the sight of an alive and well Mark Watney.

Overwhelming didn’t even begin to describe it. The scene was quite a commotion for six people who’d just spent two years completely alone, but Beth knew this was probably only a glimpse into what the next few weeks would be like.

When the whole crew was changed and deemed sufficiently healthy for the time being, they reintroduced themselves to full gravity as they walked to the helicopter that would take them the short distance to the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral. 

Beth was in such a daze, she wasn’t even sure if she’d spoken a word since she exited the vessel. There was noise all around her between the blades of the chopper and the Navy officers scrambling all over the deck, and she could feel the waves of the sea rocking the ship ever so slightly.

All of a sudden, she was in the back of the helicopter between two crewmates (although she couldn't have told you which ones) with the other three on the bench in front of her. They rose in the air, the noise too loud to hear anybody talking, and she wondered how she was going to adjust to any part of normal life if this was how fast and jarring the world was.

Then, a warm hand curled around hers, and she realized Chris was sitting to her right. She watched him carry her hand into his lap as he stared absentmindedly out the window on his other side, down at the planet below them.

For a second, it felt strange since they usually wouldn’t do something like that when they were “on the clock,” as they jokingly referred to being on duty. But she realized what this meant. They were done. They were home.

Earth could throw whatever it wanted at them, but they’d stay connected, just like this.

That was when she knew she was going to spend the rest of her life with him. 

He was it. He always had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a comment a day keeps the doctor away! 
> 
> (or something, idk)


	12. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello. 
> 
> I believe I originally wrote this at the request of someone who wanted something 'domestic.' So this is my version of domesticity, I guess. (Forever amused by the idea of these two nerds roaming around a grocery store like little kids at Disneyland after a solid two years of space food. Because _so! much! food!_ )
> 
> Anyway, this gets a little nsfw-ish, which I'm usually not the best at writing, but I was satisfied with this enough to post it. 
> 
> Hope you like!

When Beth entered Chris’s condo for the first time, the last thing she expected to do was cry. But that’s what happened. **  
**

(She didn’t _really_ cry. She just felt that sensation where the the corners of your eyes feels like barely functioning floodgates to a barrage of tears. And then you take a deep breath and sniffle a few times and you’re fine.)

Although she’d dropped him off plenty of times during training, like the couple of days when his car was in the shop, she’d never actually been inside before. During training, they probably saw more of each other than they did their own homes, but the vast majority of that time consisted of impossibly long days at JSC or at bars with the crew whenever they all had a chance to unwind. 

NASA had finally "released" them that morning, but although they had to report back to JSC every day for the next two weeks, they were free to be on their own at night. They’d each spent most of the afternoon with their families, but in the name of finally sleeping in a bed that didn’t feel like a hospital or hotel, they’d slipped away for the rest of the night.

Their plan was to move all of her stuff from storage while their parents were still around (extra sets of hands were always good), but they weren’t going to worry about that until tomorrow. 

After the two weeks of continued debriefs and outpatient status, the crew (minus Mark, the poor guy wasn’t getting out of NASA’s sight quite yet) would be off to New York for a quick round of morning and late night show appearances. They all felt slightly hesitant about that (Mark had been their media guy for a reason – the rest of them weren’t exactly made for the camera) but they were excited too. Why not enjoy it? 

And of course, once that was all over, Beth and Chris could finally escape to that beach they’d talked about. 

But first things first. The condo. 

Chris had briefly panicked about what kind of shape it would be in, considering he hadn’t been there in over two years. He wasn’t exactly wild about Beth’s first impression of the place being that everything was covered in two years worth of dust. (Even though he’d followed his mom’s advice and put dust covers over everything he could. Thank god for moms.) 

Actually, unbeknownst to Chris, his mom had the same thoughts the morning after he told her that Beth would be moving in with him. She went out of her way to meet up with the friend Chris had given a key to while he was away, then snuck into the condo to whip the place back into shape and clean out all the dust while Chris and Beth were still at JSC for the day. 

When she texted Chris to tell him not to be alarmed when they arrived and found the place all nice and clean, he was incredibly grateful, but his response was _Mom, you didn’t have to do that!_

She replied _I know, but I wanted to. Because I like Beth, and I’d like her to stick around :)_

Thank god for moms, part two. 

So here they were, walking up the driveway, hand in hand. 

“Here it is, in all its glory…” Chris joked as he opened the door. He flipped on the lights and watched as Beth looked around and followed the entryway into the living room. It wasn’t anything elaborate – just a couch, coffee table, and a big bookcase with a stand for the TV built into the middle of it – but it was cute and comfortable.

Beth vaguely heard Chris talking behind her about how the bathroom was down the hall and how his buddy Pete had done a good job of checking up on the place while he was gone, but she was more focused on soaking up everything around her.

It was Chris. It was _so_ Chris. He hadn’t even been here in two years and yet the entire room radiated his personality, felt like him, _was_ him. 

She looked at the messy stacks of books on the shelves, some of which she could tell were medical textbooks, and the crates of his old comic books lined up along the bottom. There was a vintage Red Sox poster framed on the wall and a photo of his family when he and his sister were little kids on the shelf. 

The wave of emotion she felt completely floored her. She realized right then that this feeling, feeling like she was home, came from him and not from any particular place. 

(It wasn’t even an unfamiliar feeling; she’d felt it on the _Hermes_ too. Because he was there. And he was home. She just hadn’t connected the dots until now.) 

The voice behind her saying her name snapped her back into focus. She took a much-needed deep breath and turned around, pressing her fingers to the corners of her eyes to get rid of the wetness. “Huh?”

“I think I lost you there for a minute,” Chris said before noticing the redness in her eyes. A look of concern spread across his face as he stepped forward. “Hey, what’s up?”

She just shook her head and smiled, looking around the room again. Her eyes settled back on him, and she wove her arms around his waist, resting her face against his chest. She smiled again as she felt his arms wrap around her in return. 

“This is just a lot,” she mumbled. “In a good way. I just kind of can’t believe we’re home. That we get to do this whole normal thing. You and me.” Her words came out like an exhausted sigh of relief, like two years worth of stress and nerves were finally slipping away. 

Chris smiled into her shoulder and ran a hand over her hair. “I kind of can’t believe it either,” he said. “But I also feel like it’s about damn time.” 

He felt her smile against him. 

“Although I question if either of us remember how to be functioning members of society,” he joked, gently poking her in the side before pulling away to see her face. 

She laughed, the redness in her eyes almost gone. “It’s going to be so weird.”

He kissed her forehead. “Yeah. But we’ll figure it out." 

It _was_ going to be weird. There was no way around it. 

Right now, they didn’t know what kind of weird to expect, but they didn’t really need to discuss it any further. The knowledge that they weren’t going to face the weirdness alone was enough.

“Come on, lemme show you the rest,” Chris said, taking her hand. He led her into the kitchen (where his mom had left fresh flowers on the table), out into the tiny outdoor area (it definitely didn’t count as a backyard), and up the stairs. 

When they reached his room – _their_ room now, she realized, just like she had when they’d been ordered to share on the _Hermes_ – her heart flared again at all the Chris-ness the space contained. More baseball stuff, pictures of his nephews, the NASA fleece blanket they’d all received as holiday gifts from the organization years ago. 

His eyes darted around the room, clearly wondering if there was anything silly he’d forgotten about that might embarrass him, which was so sweetly charming that Beth could hardly even stand it. When he promised they could switch out the comforter since his was “old and ugly,” her response was _Do you really think I care?_ before pushing him down on the bed. 

(They were still both fairly sore from the whole reacclimation to Earth gravity thing, but she figured it was as good of a time as any to see if they remembered what sex was like when it wasn’t in space.)  

Spoiler alert: It was hard. Pun very much intended, because when there’s more gravity, blood rushes south faster, which makes certain things happen faster too. (Not that Chris was complaining about that part.) 

But it was also hilarious because of how thoroughly absurd it was to have gotten used to having sex in a different type of gravity. At one point, Chris just collapsed in a fit of laughter on top of Beth, and they clung onto each other and giggled together before they kept going. 

It might’ve been her favorite time ever, actually. Certainly one she’d never forget. 

There was still a little more of the place to see – the bathroom and second bedroom, which he used for his treadmill and a work space – but lying there together afterward, comfortable and spent and sated, was too nice to interrupt. 

“What do you wanna do?” Chris finally murmured. He was lying on his back, Beth tucked into his shoulder and his hand stroking through her hair. The question could be taken either way, really – short term or long term. He’d let her decide.

“Mmm. I’m kinda hungry,” she replied.

Short term it was. “What sounds good?”

She thought for a moment, then angled her head up to see his face. “Let’s go to the store. And like, buy groceries. Because we can.”

“Okay.”

She closed her eyes. “The store, where they have all the food in the world.”

Chris chuckled. “All the food in the world?”

“Mmhmm. So much food that’s not in foil packets.”

“Alright,” he said, untangling his arm from around her and sitting up. “Probably good to stock up the fridge anyway.” 

“Look at you, so domestic already,” Beth teased as she rolled on her side and propped her head up on her hand. 

Standing now, he turned back to her and smiled. It was a pretty nice view. Unable to help himself, he hummed in contentment as he knelt on the bed again and positioned himself over her.

“Actually,” he murmured, gently sucking on her neck before making his way down her chest, “I forgot that there’s plenty to eat right here.”  

She gasped and giggled as she realized what he was doing, then helped him out by spreading her legs. 

Shopping could wait a while. 

—

Forty minutes later, Chris leaned his forearms on the shopping cart and pushed it through the automatic doors. (They’d briefly considered just a basket, but yeah right.)

“ _Ohhhhh_ my god,” Beth whispered when they were inside. She looked around, her eyes wide as if she’d never seen a grocery store before. Chris laughed to himself, quite amused.

“Shut up,” she said, smacking him in the side. “Don’t act like this isn’t the most amazing moment of your life too.” They paused briefly, overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.

Beth gasped. “Look!” 

He looked. She was pointing to the racks of donuts next to the deli. He raised an eyebrow, preparing to mock her excitement, but then he stopped short. “Shit, they have maple.”

They took their sweet time picking out which donuts they wanted to complete their dozen. Normally, Chris would’ve been appalled at the idea of buying 12 donuts for two people, but nothing about this shopping excursion was going to be normal.

They slowly but surely made their way around the store, both overreacting anytime they saw a precious food item they’d been deprived of for the last two years. _Anyone who overhears us is gonna think we’re high and we have the munchies_ , Chris observed at one point. Sure enough, every now and then a fellow shopper squinted at them, wondering what the pair could possibly find so enthralling about basic pantry items like peanut butter and bags of candy.

Eventually, they stopped to examine the contents of their cart: a few different pints of ice cream, lots of chips, four boxes of cereal, a hot rotisserie chicken, three kinds of cheese, guacamole, coffee grounds and milk for the morning, two bottles of wine, fresh (fresh!) fruit and vegetables, Oreos, Twizzlers, Skittles, a warm loaf of artisan bread, and of course, a dozen donuts. Solid choices, but nothing that quite constituted a meal.

“Do you wanna, like, actually cook some real food?” Chris asked, turning to Beth.

She raised an eyebrow. “Do you know how to cook anything?”

He scrunched his face, slightly ashamed. “Not really. Do you?”

“Absolutely not.”

She smirked, and he laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, we’re going to do just fine, you and me,” he said, throwing an arm around her as they made their way to checkout.  

—

Back home, they spread out their haul over the kitchen counter.

“I don’t even know what I want first,” Chris said, overwhelmed by the laughable amount of food in front of them.

“I do,” Beth said, reaching across him to grab the pint of Ben & Jerry’s she’d picked out. She took off the lid and scooped up a big bite. “I bet you think I can’t finish this whole thing in one sitting, but I’m about to prove you wrong,” she said as she swallowed.

Chris raised an eyebrow. “I know better than to doubt you.”

They sat on two bar stools at the counter, chatting like they always did, sampling a little of everything, saying they were too full to continue, then having a little more.

When Chris left for a moment to use the bathroom, Beth found herself staring out the window, lost in thought as she finished off her ice cream.

Being back in Houston was strange, because it felt like life before Mars. It felt like training, and anticipation, and hardly interacting with anyone other than her crewmates and anyone with a NASA badge. 

It felt like when she and Chris had just been friends.

She knew he had fallen for her sometime during training, but even though Beth was pretty sure her feelings had developed just as steadily, she didn’t have the realization – the _oh shit, I’m in love with him_ realization – until they were on their way to Mars. 

Never before in Houston – hell, never before on Earth – had it been this way with Chris. ‘We’ didn’t exist here until now.

Now, everything was different. She was here in Chris’s house, and not just dropping him off or picking him up in the morning. She was here because she belonged here. This was home now. 

_(And not the actual place, she reminded herself. Him. He was home.)_

It was a good type of different. Life would never be the same anymore, not just because of Chris, but because of everything they’d been through. Going to Mars would have been life-altering on its own, but going to Mars and then going back on a life-or-death rescue mission certainly made some changes to the way each member of the crew would live the rest of their lives.

So yeah, everything was different, and everything was going to be a little weird for a while, but she felt like a different version of herself, too. 

Nothing about her had fundamentally changed; she was still very much the same old Beth Johanssen. She was just fuller, lighter, more complete, more content. Because she had the same old Chris Beck by her side. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READING DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 
> 
> on a scale of 1 to 10, how much of Beth Johanssen's diet consists of junk food? on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does this drive a certain Dr. Christopher Beck, M.D. crazy? 
> 
> respond in an essay of no less than 500 words. 
> 
> (I think I'm funny) 
> 
> [edit: AhsokaTano11 actually wrote an essay in the comments]  
> [edit #2: so did Jelsemium and you should do yourself a favor and go read them]
> 
> ((anyway, hope you LOL'd at some point, that was kind of my intention with this chapter. plz tell me what you think, as usual! luv y'all))


	13. The little spaceship that could

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes! 
> 
> Sorry for the longer-than-usual wait — my poor little laptop has spent an inordinate amount of the time in the Apple Store over the past week because of a malfunctioning keyboard, so that made the whole writing thing pretty impossible. But here's a fluffy little somethin' that hopefully makes up for the delay.

Beth wasn’t much of a jewelry person.  


Chris knew that. It was one of the many newer things he got to learn about her as they settled into a normal (ish) life together back on Earth. 

When it came to personalities, body language, feelings, things like that, they already had each other all figured out. They’d known one another on a deep and intimate level for a long time now. But when a relationship, no matter how serious, had previously only existed on a spaceship, there were bound to be some quirks and habits left to discover. 

They enjoyed the process, really. It was fun for Beth to learn that Chris could make a damn good omelette in the morning and that he had a tendency to hum under his breath as he did things around the house. Likewise, he enjoyed learning that she couldn’t make a trip to a grocery store without buying Skittles and that she liked resting her legs across his lap on the couch while he watched TV even if she was just typing on her laptop when she easily could've worked at her desk instead. (There were also plenty of annoying quirks to discover, of course. Two words: toilet paper.) 

And so another one of his observations was that yeah, even with the luxuries of an extended Earthbound wardrobe, Beth wasn’t really into jewelry. He’d never had a reason to consider it before – they’d been in space, so fashion wasn’t really a priority, and their capacity for personal items had been limited anyway. In fact, thinking about it now, he was pretty sure the only items of jewelry on the _Hermes_ had been exactly three wedding rings. 

Her ears were pierced, but he’d seen her with earrings probably a maximum of three times during the years he’d known her. She had a couple of necklaces and a ring or two that she kept in a little dish on top of the dresser in their bedroom, but she hardly touched them.

One evening, while they were getting ready to meet some visiting friends for drinks, Chris watched her reach toward the dish and untangle one necklace from the others. She put it on over her navy blue shirt, looked in the mirror, scrunched her nose, and took it off.

“That was a quick decision,” he said.

“Huh?” She had no idea he’d been watching.

“You took that necklace on and off in a span of about three seconds.”

“Oh.” She dropped the necklace back into the dish and stared at it for a moment. “I don’t know, it just feels weird to wear jewelry if it’s not something important. I feel like people always wear necklaces and stuff if they mean a lot to them. I don’t have anything I care about that much, so I just don’t both bother,” she said with a shrug.

“Fair enough,” Chris replied. He almost laughed – that statement was so quintessentially Beth. If she didn’t quite click with something, she didn’t try and force it. She just moved on. She had better things to worry about.

Still, as they drove to their friends’ hotel, he kept thinking about what she’d said. She didn’t have any jewelry that meant anything to her? Maybe he should change that.

Nothing extravagant. She wouldn’t be into that. 

(Actually, that very topic of extravagance was something he’d found himself thinking about a lot lately – like, would she even want an engagement ring? You know, when the time for that rolled around. Because of course he was going to ask Beth fucking Johanssen to marry him sooner rather than later. They weren’t in a rush, but they both casually mentioned it now and then. He’d never forget the way his heart leapt a few weeks ago when she wrapped her arms around him from behind while he was washing his breakfast coffee mug and said _I was just thinking, I love you and all, but ‘Beth Beck’ sounds really dumb so don’t be surprised if I don’t switch to that when we get married._ Hearing the words "when we get married" had totally floored him. And Jesus, of course he’d never expect her to change her name. Not in a million years. She was Supernerd Beth Johanssen.) 

But back to the present. A necklace. Something that demonstrated precisely how well he knew her and how much he loved her and how he wanted her to feel like she would always carry a piece of him with her. 

Kind of a tall order.

But her birthday was a month away, and after two years of not being able to do much to celebrate _(thanks, space)_ he knew he wanted to do something special. He’d think of something by then.

—

Or not. 

Two whole weeks passed, and Chris still had a whopping total of zero ideas. He thought something, _somewhere_ would catch his eye or give him an idea, but he was wrong. 

He was going to have to think a little harder about this.

He didn’t even bother going into regular jewelry stores, because he knew everything inside would be way too flashy. This was not a matter of the biggest diamond or the shiniest gemstone. He even poked through a couple of antique stores, but nothing felt right. 

What could he do to make this stupid, still nonexistent necklace mean something? _(Maybe he could start by not calling it stupid.)_

Another week passed. For her birthday, Beth wanted to go with Chris to the rock climbing gym he frequented before they left for Mars, so he booked a time and invited a handful of their Houston friends (mostly fellow astronauts). Then, he made an evening reservation for just the two of them at a new restaurant that had popped up during their two-year off-planet jaunt. (They had an entire list of new places they were trying to cross off. Two years was a long fucking time.) 

These plans, however, were all mere distractions from the necklace saga.

Later in the week, they were mindlessly watching TV on the couch after finishing the Chinese takeout Chris had picked up on the way home from work. Despite the vast knowledge and the six separate degrees between them, they really couldn’t cook. It just was not a skill either of them had ever acquired.

Beth sat facing the TV with her feet propped up on the coffee table in front of them; Chris was lying on his back perpendicular to her, the calves of his legs draped across her lap.

An old rerun of _The Office_ faded out as a commercial for some brand of kids’ toothpaste came on. 

“Look, it’s so cute!” Beth exclaimed, smacking Chris’s leg to get his attention. 

He looked at the TV. A little animated spaceship with a smiling face flew around on the screen, getting some stubborn kid excited to brush his teeth. 

He turned back to Beth and raised an eyebrow.

“What? It’s got a little smiley face!” she said. “Why didn’t our fucking spaceship have a smiley face on it?”

Chris laughed and turned back to the TV. It didn’t keep his attention for long, though.

That was it – a little spaceship. What more did he have to thank for bringing them together than space, after all? 

He’d get a little spaceship on a necklace. Maybe he’d even find a way to put a smiley face on it. It was slightly dorky, but what part of their relationship wasn’t?

As he quickly learned later that night while Beth was in the shower, the demand for spaceship necklaces wasn’t high enough for anybody to, you know, actually make them. He’d have to customize that shit. 

After scouring the internet for half an hour, he found a vendor who could get the job done. He’d call the next day.

—

Two days before Beth’s birthday, the necklace came in the mail. Chris managed to sneak the small package inside without her noticing (not that she would’ve thought anything of it – they were both guilty of ordering stuff online all the time). 

Beth was downstairs, so after he slipped up to their room, he unwrapped the necklace and held it up. It was just how he’d imagined it: a plain silver chain with a flat silver charm about the size of an m&m, shaped like a cartoony spaceship with a little smile engraved on the surface. Nothing glitzy or flashy about it, and minimal enough that if she wanted, she could wear it under her shirt without anyone noticing. He had gone back and forth about whether or not to engrave anything on the back, but looking at it now, he was pretty sure he made the right decision. 

The stupid little thing had stressed him out for weeks, but it’d be worth it.

On her birthday (a Saturday, thank god) Chris woke up first, but he stayed beside Beth as she slept in, happy just to lay there lazily. When her eyes eventually crept open, Chris tucked her into his shoulder and murmured a sleepy _happy birthday_ against her forehead before ordering her to stay in bed while he went downstairs to make coffee. (She did not object.) 

Ten minutes later, he returned with two hot cups and a little bag hidden in the pocket of his sweatpants. 

Perking up at the smell of coffee, Beth accepted a cup and sat up cross-legged against their pillows to take a sip.

“So, I have something for you,” Chris said while climbing back into the bed.

“Mmm?” she murmured, sweeping away stray strands of hair that had fallen out of her short, disheveled ponytail.

He propped himself up on one elbow and presented her with the little bag, which was made of a sheer fabric and tied with a simple ribbon. He was actually pretty proud of the presentation considering the limits of his creative capabilities. 

Beth looked at him, slightly puzzled, as she set her coffee cup down on her nightstand.

“You know how you said a while ago that you didn’t have any jewelry that felt special?” he began as she untied the bag. 

She nodded silently. 

“Well… I wanted to change that,” he continued in a soft voice. “I hope you like it.”

Beth slid the bag’s contents into her hand and held the necklace up to examine it. “Is that…” she said, turning to him with her mouth slightly agape in question.

“It’s kind of silly, but I thought it was appropri–”

“I love it,” she said, cutting him off before he could finish. She looked back down at the necklace, biting her lower lip as a huge grin spread across her face. 

He smiled. “Good.” 

When she flipped the charm over, her eyes widened and she let out a soft little whisper that sounded like his name. 

_xo, cb_ it read on the back. 

Something about having his own initials carved into the damn thing had felt slightly egocentric, but the look on her face told him he’d made the right call. He smiled. “Not too lame?” 

“No,” she laughed, shaking her head and wiping the corner of her eye. “It’s perfect.” 

He sat up and took the necklace from her, motioning for her to turn so he could put it around her neck. As he fiddled with the clasp, she looked down and ran the little charm over her fingers in admiration.

“I can’t believe you remembered I said that,” she said softly, almost to herself. A moment passed and she let out a small laugh. “Actually, I can, ‘cause you’re you.”

He smiled and gently poked her in the side. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re the best,” she answered as she turned back toward him, reaching for his face and pulling him in for a coffee-flavored kiss.

He smiled against her lips and tugged her across the bed into his lap.

Finally, she leaned back, her hands still clasped behind his neck. “Thank you,” she said. She meant it, and he could tell. 

“You bet.” He gave her another quick peck on the lips. “But it’s almost noon, lazy-ass. Ready for me to beat you at a bunch of rock climbing races?”

“I don’t fucking think so,” she smirked as she clambered across him to step off the bed. “And hey, it’s my birthday, so you have to be nicer to me than that.”

“Fiiine, I just won’t rub it in when I’m faster than you.”

She turned over her shoulder and smirked at him on her way into the bathroom. “You’re the worst.”

He smirked right back. “I thought I was the best.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no essay prompt this time, but still wanna hear what you think!


	14. Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. I'm a huge idiot and thought it would be a good idea to break up all the Beck + Johanssen stories I've written in two different series. And I've come to realize that was really stupid of me. Because this series would be incomplete and weird without an engagement story, but I already posted it in [the other series I had going](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6237742?view_full_work=true) (and finished). [Side note: all three of those really should've belonged in here. Sigh. Sorry I'm dumb.] 
> 
> So, for the sake of my own sanity, since it would drive me crazy not to have it in here, bear with me as I repost that engagement story for this chapter. Check it out if you haven't already, re-read if you feel so inclined. And I promise I will be back next time with actual wedding stuff. :) 
> 
> (here's the context for this chapter that I originally posted along with it):  
> 
>
>>   
>  _For their first Christmas back on Earth together, Beth goes with Chris to stay with his family in Connecticut because she’s never had a snowy Christmas. His sister and her family are there, and they get along great – his whole family adores her, really. His aunt in particular can’t get over the fact that they’ve both been to Mars and they spent all that time in space: “There’s nobody else in the world who understands what you went through up there, Christopher. You hang on to her.” For once, Chris is the one who gets slightly embarrassed every time she says that, but Beth finds it hilarious and likes to tease him by saying, “It’s true, you know.”_
>> 
>>  
>> 
>> _It’s cold as shit and Beth can’t believe it’s physically possible for humans to live in that weather. She’s not complaining, she’s just baffled by the fact that they survive every winter. When Chris walks her around town to show her his high school and the field where he used to play in Little League, she wears a black beanie that her short hair sticks out from under, and her nose turns red because of how cold it is, and Chris can’t stop smiling at her. She thinks he looks pretty damn cute all bundled up too._
>>
>>> “Can we sneak out there?” 

Chris laughed. “We don’t have to sneak, there’s a gate down there that’ll let us through.” 

He’d walked Beth around downtown Hartford, past his elementary school, and over to the baseball field where he’d played in little league and for his high school team. 

Now, they passed through the gate and trudged across the snow-covered field, straying slightly apart as they absentmindedly wandered in different directions. Chris was lost in thought, fondly remembering how much time he’d spent on that field, when a shrill “Look alive!” snapped him back into focus. 

He turned back toward Beth just as a snowball nailed him right in the stomach. She burst out laughing with a devilish look in her eyes as she bent down to make another. 

“Well if _that's_ the way it's gonna be...” Chris called as he prepared to retaliate. 

They hurled snowballs back and forth at each other for a few minutes, yelping and laughing, until Beth tripped over her own foot and tumbled back into the snow. Chris raised his fists above his head in victory as he made his way over to help her up. 

“Karma,” she smirked as she dusted snow off her coat. They teased each other a bit more before falling into a nice, comfortable silence again. 

Chris stuffed his cold hands in his pockets, but froze when he felt a particular item that he’d forgotten was in there. His mind raced as he stood there quietly.

Then, as he watched Beth snap a picture of her boot-clad feet in the snow with a content smile on her face, the question he’d been deliberating became perfectly clear. 

He hadn’t exactly planned on doing this today, but standing there in the snow, with her, in the middle of his old baseball field in his hometown, one year to the day after they’d arrived home from the mission that brought them together, he knew he had to. It wouldn’t make sense not to. This was as perfect as it could possibly get. 

“Beth,” he said in a soft, even voice that took her slightly off guard as she faced him and slipped her phone back into her pocket.

Gripping the little box inside his pocket, he spoke again. “I found something in my old room today. Something my grandpa gave to me.” 

Beth’s eyes widened as she focused intently on his face, not because she suspected anything, but because she knew how much his now-deceased grandparents had meant to him. They’d practically raised him for a few extended periods of his childhood. She shifted closer to him, both out of affection and in order to steal some of his warmth against the frigid air. 

Chris finally removed the box from his pocket and opened it as he positioned it toward her. Inside was an antique silver ring with a small red ruby in the middle, pretty, but nowhere close to flashy. 

“He gave this to my grandma on their 40th anniversary, and then he gave it to me when she died. Said I’d figure out what to do with it someday. Honestly, I thought I’d lost track of it, but when I found it today I knew what he meant.” 

He paused to take in Beth’s face as she stared down at the ring, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide as she absorbed his words and the entirety of what was happening. When she noticed his pause, she turned her gaze up to him and felt her eyes swell with tears the second they met his. 

He smiled as he reached for her hand to bring it to where he held the box before speaking again. “You know my grandparents were kind of my whole world growing up, but you’re my whole world now. I don’t think I need to make some big speech, but I am gonna tell you that you’re the love of my life and that spending the rest of my life with you is the easiest decision I’ll ever make.” 

Beth’s free hand had moved to her face, where she rested her glove-covered fingertips next to a teary eye as she nodded. Her lips were pressed tight together with the ends upturned in a small smile, trying to keep her composure until he was done. 

Chris let out a small nerve-filled laugh as he looked over his arm at the snowy ground. “I think my knee might freeze, but... worth it,” he said as he knelt down and then looked back up to her. “So,” he said with a nervous, sweet smile. “Will you marry me?” 

Finally letting herself properly react, Beth exhaled some combination of a laugh and a sob as she nodded over and over. “Yes, god, of course,” she laughed-slash-sobbed as she gripped the collar of his coat to pull him back up. 

He grinned, snapping the case shut as she threw her arms around his neck and pressed their lips together. The momentum from the way he stood up so quickly threw them both a little off balance, and they laughed into their kiss as they stumbled slightly backward. 

Their foreheads still rested against each other as they slowly broke apart, giddy with happiness despite only having each other’s breath to warm them from the cold. “Are you freezing?” Beth asked with a laugh as she moved her glove-covered hands over his bare ears. 

“Nope,” he said with another smile. (So that’s what they meant by “warm and fuzzy on the inside,” huh?) 

She beamed at him a few seconds more, then moved back and started pulling off her gloves. 

“You don’t…” Chris started as he produced the little box again. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want, I just want you to have it.” 

“Chris. It’s beautiful. Of course I’m going to wear it. It was your grandmother’s,” Beth said, trailing off as she felt a new set of tears form around her eyes. She _did_ know how much his grandparents had meant to him. Giving her this ring truly was his way of showing her that she now represented everything he held dear. “This is really special,” she finally said, softly and genuinely. 

He smiled a smile she’d never forget before taking her left hand and sliding the ring up her finger. “Well,” he said as he watched her hold up her hand to admire the ring, “You’re really special.” 

She looked up, holding his gaze for a moment, then leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek and bury herself in his neck. He responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her tight before just barely lifting her feet off the ground and spinning her around just once. (And when he quickly promised that was the only time he’d ever do that, Beth just laughed into his shoulder and squeezed him tighter.) 

Moments later, Beth wiped a practically frozen tear off her face and reached into her pocket for her phone. Chris watched in amusement as she fumbled with the camera and turned back to him. “I just need to remember everything about this forever,” she said with a small smile. As if she would ever forget. 

Chris pulled her close against his chest, and she captured them both as the happiest they’d ever been. She smiled at the image on the screen, then turned back to him. “That’s just for us,” she said with a promising smile, and he knew what she meant. This was about them, only them, and this had been their moment. There would be other pictures, but that one was for their eyes only. 

Finally surrendering to the cold, they headed back to his parents’ house hand in hand. Rather than tell everyone right away, they decided to wait until someone noticed the ring on Beth’s finger, and they each made bets on how long it would take.

Turns out it’s true that you can’t sneak anything past a kid, because within minutes of taking off their heavy coats and joining the others in the kitchen, Amy’s four year-old son quietly made his way over to Beth’s side, captivated by the shiny object affixed to her finger. 

“Whatcha looking at, hon?” asked Amy. When he pointed at Beth’s hand, Amy let out a loud shriek that brought their dad and aunt running in from the other room. 

Beth laughed and dropped her forehead to Chris’s shoulder, embarrassed by the attention, while he just smiled to himself. 

“Whaaaat?!” Amy exclaimed as she rushed over to grab Beth’s hand amidst the chorus of excited yelps and questions from everyone else. “When did this happen?” 

Chris managed to answer “just now” before Amy’s next round of excited questions. _Where?! Wait, literally just now? Is that Grandma’s ring?!_

After they indulged the group in a brief explanation-- _“Your old baseball field? You dork!”_ \--Amy gasped with a realization. 

“It’s exactly a year since you guys got home, huh?” 

When Beth smiled and nodded, a new chorus of squeals erupted, and Amy gifted Chris a proud punch to the arm. In the midst of congratulatory hugs from everyone, Chris’s mom insisted Beth tell her own parents the news next. 

Just like the idea of marrying each other was something Chris and Beth had discussed plenty of times (even though he’d sweetly made it clear that he wanted to ask her properly), their parents also knew it was only a matter of time before they’d be hearing this particular piece of news. 

So when Beth sent a picture of her ring-clad hand to her mom and dad with the caption _You should probably call me when you get a sec…_ she didn’t feel like she was depriving them of some big reveal or anything like that. She got a video call from them 20 minutes later, and she and Chris curled up in a blanket on the couch and went through the details again. 

When they hung up, Beth let herself collapse against Chris’s side. “How many times are we going to have to do this? I’m already tempted to hand out FAQ cards or something.” 

He laughed and ruffled her hair. “Really. Hey, we should tell the crew.” 

“Yeah, so they’ll finally stop asking,” she joked. There were the occasional ribbings in their group chats about when they were going to make it official, but she knew Chris took even more shit from the guys about when he was going to ask her. 

Chris tightened his grip around her as he brought up the camera on his phone, and Beth positioned her hand where it was visible but not reminiscent of a hand model in a jewelry commercial. Naturally, they both pulled silly faces. 

He fired off the picture into the crew’s ongoing group chat, adding _Happy now?_ as the only comment. Beth smirked when the notification popped up on her phone and she read the caption, and they both sat back to watch the reactions pour in. 

  
  


Then the real questioning as to how he proposed began.

“They’re not gonna let up until we tell them,” said Chris. 

Beth groaned. “Rock paper scissors you for who has to type it out.” 

Chris laughed. “Deal.” 

\---

Once the holiday had passed and they’d had the chance to tell anyone who they wouldn’t want to find out over the internet, they shared that same picture with the rest of the world.  


(Watney was still a superstar, but the rest of them had mostly experienced a quick 15 minutes of fame--maybe 20 minutes for Chris and Beth once it became clear they were together. There had been the gossip article or two, but now people mostly left them alone.) 

And finally... 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fake tweets are fun, because reasons.


	15. Now and always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever wanted a PLETHORA of information about one certain johanbeck wedding? You're in luck! 
> 
> jesus take the wheel.

Beth didn’t have years worth of dream wedding fantasies to go off of—in fact, she’d really never expected to have a wedding. But like she’d been realizing lately about most things in life, the idea of doing something  _with_ Chris made all the difference in the world and made her want to explore things she hadn’t considered before. Because having someone to explore them with was exciting and fulfilling and breathtaking every time.  


(As she'd later realize, it was the same with the idea of having kids. She’d never pictured herself as a mother, and Chris knew this, but there wasn’t any time where he’d _asked_ her to reconsider or tried to convince her otherwise. She just knew that it was about way more than becoming a mother—it was about watching him become a father too, and sometimes she almost cried thinking about the type of father he’d be. The kids she didn’t yet have deserved him as their dad, she thought, and she and Chris deserved the opportunity to leave something bigger than themselves on this planet, something made completely out of them, and only them. These were the sort of things that love—loving _him—_ made her realize. She didn’t change her mind on these things, she just realized them. With time.) 

When everyone told them their wedding day would be hard to remember, they were skeptical. But as it turns out, everyone was right. (Mostly.)  

As they quickly learned, if they didn’t remember much, it meant they were having the right amount of fun. 

###  8 things Beth Johanssen remembers about her wedding day:

1\. She remembers just feeling really great when she put her dress on. No train, no veil, just a sleeveless top with a cutout on the back and some lace across her chest that allowed some skin to peek out. The fabric was fitted around her torso but turned into a loose skirt that draped nicely down to her ankles. Her hair that framed her face was softly twisted back on either side into a tiny, loose bun near the nape of her neck, and her sister had tucked a little white flower in the back. She had feared that she’d feel like some contrived persona once she was all dolled up as a bride—god, the word “bride” still felt so foreign—but when she finally looked in the mirror, she felt like herself. 

2\. She remembers Chris’s face as he watched her walk down the aisle (with both of her parents, since she’d made it clear she was _not_ going to be passed off from one man to another). She remembers his face (and the tears in his eyes, the big nerd) even better once they were finally facing each other. All he could say was, “Wow,” and all she could say back was, “Same.”  

3\. She remembers being absolutely positive they’d made the right call about who should officiate the ceremony. They’d originally considered asking Commander Lewis, but something about having one member of their crew up there with them while the others sat further away just didn’t feel right. So they asked someone else who’d grown to feel like an extended family member to them both in the last couple of years. Mitch Henderson had been one of their favorite NASA officials since the beginning of training, and the big, warm, slightly desperate hugs he’d given each member of the crew before they launched solidified that. When they learned he was the reason they were able to return home as a crew of six instead of five, they didn’t know how they could ever thank him. They saw him plenty of times in the year that they’d been back (and he’d been retired)—all six visited his grandson’s third grade classroom, Beth and Chris went over to his and his partner’s home for dinner every now and then. Asking him to officiate their wedding felt right; it felt like asking him to usher them through their last little bit of unfinished business from their mission. He accepted their invitation graciously, and Martinez—Rick fucking Martinez—actually _cried_ and said it was perfect when Beth told him of their choice.  

4\. She remembers that the first thing out of Mitch’s mouth at the beginning of the (quick, thank god) ceremony was, “We’re gathered here today to laugh about the fact that when these two signed up to go to Mars, the last thing they were expecting to find was love, but here we all are.” 

5\. On that note, the last thing out of his mouth was, “Now, by the power always questionably invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You know what to do.” (She remembers the look on Chris’s face when he turned to her right then, too.) 

6\. She remembers the teary hug Melissa Lewis gave her after the ceremony, and the smiles on her crewmates’ faces when they asked the four of them to join them for a few official pictures after posing with their families. (They’d decided not to have bridesmaids or groomsmen. That would’ve been extra noise, especially since she and Chris were hardly holding up most wedding traditions to begin with.) 

7\. She remembers how the one wedding activity she still felt slightly uncomfortable with was the whole slow-dancing-alone-in-front-of-fucking-everyone thing, but how when Chris took her hand and led her to the dance floor as “I Will” by The Beatles started playing, everyone else disappeared and she experienced the most blissful—yes, Beth Johanssen called something _blissful_ —two minutes of her life. 

8\. She remembers a moment where she and Chris were alone—not _really_ alone, because they were surrounded by people dancing, talking, and laughing, but for once, none of those people were talking to them—and Chris wrapped her up in a hug and murmured, “This is awesome,” against her head as they both took a second to watch everyone they loved having a great fucking time celebrating the fact that they’d just married each other. It was surreal, and it was special. 

### 8 things Chris Beck remembers about his wedding day:

1\. He remembers taking a shot (or two…) with Mark Watney, Rick Martinez, Alex Vogel, and his two best friends since high school about half an hour before the ceremony, after he was all dressed and ready. (He also remembers asking Vogel to pin his boutonniere on his jacket because he didn’t trust anyone else not to fuck it up.)

2\. He remembers that finally seeing Beth was the closest he would ever come to feeling like he was floating in microgravity on Earth. (The fact that he felt every bit of air sucked right out of him complemented the feeling, too.) 

3\. After the ceremony, as he and Beth walked back up the aisle hand in hand amidst the clapping and cheers of their guests, he remembers a smirking Mark Watney sticking his hand out for a high-five as they passed him. Chris enthusiastically accepted. 

4\. He remembers losing count of the number of times he thanked Marissa Martinez for basically scoring them the venue. It was a gorgeous, medium-sized, historic house in Houston with a small, beautiful backyard used for events like weddings and fundraisers all the time. Since they’d started trying to throw together a May wedding at the beginning of January, they never would’ve scored the place without the enormous luck of Marissa being close friends with the house’s event manager. Marissa had managed to convince her to let Beth and Chris have their wedding on the weekend usually reserved for maintenance on the house, so they were allowed to get ready there, but they couldn’t stay overnight. It was perfect, though: They had the ceremony in the backyard, then moved out front for cocktails while the event staff quickly made the yard reception-ready. They had big tables and cool lights strung overhead, food at one end and a dance floor at the other, and a cupcake truck that rolled up alongside the house for dessert in lieu of a big cake. It was low key, but a fucking blast. 

5\. He remembers nothing about what he ate or drank (other than the fact that he _did_ , at some point) but does remember providing Beth, Amy, and Beth’s sister Allison with two rounds of shots of their own. 

6\. Not too long after that, once it had gotten dark, he remembers watching a mischievous-looking (and very tipsy) Beth approach the DJ, whisper something in his ear, and then pull away giggling. She wove through the crowd as the DJ announced the next song was at the request of the bride, and the first notes of “Maybe I’m Amazed” played as their guests cheered. And as she ran up to him and continued giggling, clutching both sides of his face and overdramatically singing along, he remembers smiling so hard his face hurt and feeling like his heart was going to burst right out of his chest. (Hell, he’d had enough to drink that he participated equally, singing the guitar solos out loud like a dork and twirling Beth around as the whole dance floor turned into a group karaoke singalong for the rest of the song.) It was them in a nutshell: heartfelt, sure, but not mushy or some romantic gesture—just really fucking fun and really full of love.  

7\. He remembers that no matter how many people they each had to make time to hug and thank for coming on their own, he never let too much time go by before he’d pass by to squeeze her hand, steal a kiss, or even just put his hand on her back as he started talking to someone else. He didn’t want to feel like he hardly saw her at their own wedding, but she didn’t make that difficult, because jesus, he just couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked beautiful. 

8\. He remembers all of a sudden being back at the hotel afterward (they weren’t leaving for a honeymoon, just staying in a suite all weekend because why not) and realizing that they were _really_ alone for the first time all day. He remembers her wrapping her arms around him, both of them barefoot and exhausted in the middle of the hotel room, and saying _You’re my husband_ against his chest. And as he chuckled and responded _You’re my wife_ into her hair, he knew that he would never have trouble remembering this moment. 

\----

There was no way they were going to read the same old traditional vows. But rather than stress themselves out ahead of time trying to write the perfect things to say, they decided to think about what they wanted to convey to each other but then just speak from the heart during the ceremony. Whatever came out would be right. (After, they hardly even remembered what they vowed to each other, but they know that they meant whatever they said.) 

Beth’s vows: 

> _Christopher Beck. You, and anyone who knows me well, know that I have a hard time letting myself believe things unless I know them to be completely true. I’ve always needed to understand things as fact in order to be sure. So I’m standing here because I’m completely sure of you. In every way. And so even though there’s a lot else I could say, my vow to you is that I’ll remember and remind myself of that every day. Even when life gets uncertain or we have no idea what’s coming next for us, I’ll always be sure of you and sure that I’m right where I need to be. Which is with you._

Chris’s vows: 

> _Beth Johanssen. I’ve told you before that I don’t like to say that I’m “lucky” to have found you, because I think the word “lucky” sells us short. It implies this was all just happy coincidence, when in fact we’re here because of lots of conscious decisions we both made over the course of our lives. Decisions that were totally in our own hands, like where and what to study and signing up for a trip to Mars. And it's the fact that we made similar decisions, not any sort of luck, that led us to each other. So rather than saying I’m lucky to have you, I’m grateful to have you, and grateful that we both made choices that brought us here. And at the end of the day, this is another choice we’ve both made, to choose each other. I already know that it’s the best decision I’ll ever make. I’ll choose you again every day for as long as I live, and I vow to you that I’ll never stop being grateful to be your husband, partner, best friend and biggest fan._

(There were tears.)

But they also agreed to write each other letters to read before the wedding, where they could say whatever they wanted, without worrying about having to recite it in front of a crowd. Beth read hers right before she started getting ready (before she put on any makeup that she might cry off). Chris waited to read his until just minutes before walking outside the house to the ceremony. He ended up having to wait a few extra minutes so he didn’t greet guests with puffy eyes. 

### From Chris to Beth: 

> Hey babe. We’re getting married today. 
> 
> Here we are, two people who never thought they’d have weddings. I’m willing to bet we’re both feeling a little amused and a little overwhelmed by the fact that this whole thing is happening today. It’ll be a whirlwind, but no matter how it all goes down, you and I know how to have a good time, and that’s exactly what we’ll do. That’s all that matters.  
> 
> I know I told you all the way back on the ship about how that night we all went out for beers a few weeks before launch was the closest I ever came to slipping and telling you how I felt, because I was a total goner who was slightly too tipsy and so hopelessly in love with you. But what I didn't tell you is that sometime that night, it also dawned on me that if I were ever going to marry someone, it was going to be you. I don’t know why I knew, but I did, and it was simple, really. It was going to be you or no one. And here we are. 
> 
> I don’t know what’s ahead of us, but I do know that on all of the good days, the awful days, the boring days, and the weird days, it’s always going to make more sense to have you by my side than to not. And that makes me really fucking excited for the rest of my life. 
> 
> You have my whole heart, now and always, and I'll never be able to properly tell you how grateful I am to have yours.
> 
> All my love,
> 
> Chris 

### From Beth to Chris: 

> Chris, 
> 
> Now seems like a good time to tell you that the first time I ever learned who you were, when your picture was floating around NASA after you’d been picked to go up to the station and I was still in candidate training, my very first thought after reading about you was, “No way this guy is that attractive and that big of a nerd.” Guess I was wrong. Lucky me, cause now I get to marry you. And you know, for a girl who never fantasized about a wedding or thought she’d even have one, I’m really damn excited about it. I guess it makes sense though, because you've always made me stronger and lighter at the same time. Stronger because even though I know I’m intense, you remind me that I can wear that intensity as a badge of honor, and lighter because your gracious, selfless state of being rubs off on me and makes me better with dealing with the rest of the world. 
> 
> The idea of being a bride is still super weird, and a wife even weirder, but then I think about you as a groom and as my husband, and I realize the dorky titles are worth it, because at the end of the day, this is all about making each other happy. And boy do you do that. From the first time you called me Beth instead of Johanssen to the last time I saw you a few hours ago when you were singing along to that awful One Direction song at the restaurant. 
> 
> There was a time when we landed where it just clicked that you were it, you were my whole future. There was no way around it, and I wouldn’t want there to be. I still know you’re it every day. You always have been. 
> 
> So that’s that. We’re getting married. A few years and a few million miles later. I love you so much. Never forget that. 
> 
> xo
> 
> Beth 

\----

After both their sisters and Chris’s two best friends had given their toasts, Beth thought they were done, but then her dad took the microphone. 

“Turns out we have one more party in attendance who would like to say something. I think we’ll all enjoy this one: Here are Chris and Beth’s fellow space travelers.”

Beth’s eyebrows shot up in amusement. She scooted her way back to the table, and Chris pulled her down to sit on his lap. They watched, highly amused, as their four crewmates crowded around the microphone.

“This’ll be good,” smirked Chris.

Commander Lewis spoke first. “Hi everyone, I’m Melissa Lewis, and I’d just like to say that one of the very first things I did as the commander of our mission, nearly five years ago, was take these four guys aside and tell them that if I caught any of them trying to hit on Beth, I’d kick them off the mission. And here we are at a wedding.” She paused for the laughter.

“We didn’t have too much of a problem, though, because it was clearly mutual with these two.” She smiled, but became more serious. “A big part of marriage is just going the distance with each other, and these two have proven that they can over and over. Both literally—they went to Mars together—and figuratively, by being there for each other and for the rest of us as friends and teammates both then and now.” 

She finally raised her glass. “It was a privilege to be your commander, and now it’s even more of a privilege to be your friend. I love you both and I wish you all the best.”

Beth laced her fingers with Chris’s hand across her lap and squeezed. She felt hot tears springing up behind her eyes already. 

The guests cheered as Lewis handed over the microphone to Vogel. “Hello, my name is Alex Vogel. I flew here yesterday from Germany, and I will fly back there tomorrow night. I tell you this only to let you know just how much I love these two beautiful friends of mine, because I wouldn’t have missed this for the world” he continued, motioning to Chris and Beth, who both smiled.

“I want to say that the love you both have for each other can be felt all around you, and it is a beautiful thing to witness. I’m going to let the others handle the embarrassing stories because they’re better at that sort of thing, so I will turn it over to Martinez. But before I do that, I will say that of all the beers I’ve ever had with you both, this is the best one!” He raised his glass amidst another round of cheers and passed the mic off to Martinez.

“Hey there,” he began with a devilish grin. “I’m Rick Martinez; I was the pilot on our little trip, and I proudly wear the title of the first person ever to make an embarrassing joke at the expense of our newlyweds here.”

The guests laughed, and he received a classic Beth Johanssen glare that said  _and don’t you dare repeat it_. He smirked and went on. “So I have one quick story to tell here. During the first part of our trip, when we were all stuck together in a spaceship for about half a year, I was walking—floating, actually—behind these two down a hall, and I overheard an exchange that went something like: _‘You did that in your head? Nerd.’_ _‘Shut up, you’re the nerd who probably wants to build an alien hospital,’_ and so on. It was unbelievably lame.” 

He gladly paused for more laughter. 

“I remember I said to them, _‘Jeez, sounds like we’ve found the crew’s old married couple.’_ And so tonight, I’m very happy to report that I was right, and they will in fact be an old married couple one day.” Martinez smiled and raised his glass.

“ _¡Felicidades!_ ” he hollered among more applause. “And now,” he said, “I’m sorry to say that we’ve left this guy for last.”

The guests cheered. Everyone on the goddamn planet knew who Mark Watney was.

“Thanks, I appreciate that, Rick,” Watney deadpanned as he took his place behind the microphone. “So, when I…” He paused. “How’s this for a good way to start a story? When I was stranded on Mars…”

He didn’t even try to pretend he didn’t enjoy the laughter, just smirked until it died down. “I wasn’t allowed to talk to any of these guys very often, even once that became a possibility. One day, though, I was specifically asked to write each of them an email. So I did.”

“Oh, god,” Chris groaned as he laughed and shook his head. 

“They weren’t long, just quick hellos. And because of this occasion, I thought I’d read you all the email that I wrote to this guy,” Watney said as he pointed to Chris, who smirked and rolled his eyes in reply. 

Watney read from a scrap of paper that he pulled from his jacket:

> _Beck:_
> 
> _Hey, man. How ya been?_
> 
> _Now that I’m in a ‘dire situation,’ I don’t have to follow social rules anymore. I can be honest with everyone._
> 
> _Bearing that in mind, I have to say...dude...you need to tell Johanssen how you feel. If you don’t, you’ll regret it forever._
> 
> _I won’t lie: It could end badly. I have no idea what she thinks of you. Or of anything. She’s weird._
> 
> _But wait till the mission’s over. You’re on a ship with her for another two months. Also, if you guys got up to anything while the mission was in progress, Lewis would kill you._

Lewis shrugged and threw her hands up with a smile as the wedding guests roared with laughter. Beth just laughed and tightened her grip around Chris’s shoulder, pulling him closer to her.

Finally, Watney continued. “Now, even though the public record says differently, I know full well that these two were way ahead of me and my encouragement was not needed, but regardless of that, I’m going to go ahead and take credit for this entire wedding.” He raised his glass. “So you’re welcome, everybody!”

He started to back away as the laughter continued, but then he scrambled back to the mic. “Actually, I suppose I should finish by being nice, so all joking aside, I love you guys; you know that. You’re two of the most selfless, smart, hilarious people I’ve ever known, and I’m so glad that I get to call you my friends.”

He motioned for Lewis, Vogel, and Martinez to gather around him. “To the nerds!” he yelled. Everyone raised their glasses for a final toast.

Beth kissed Chris on the cheek, then pulled him up for a round of hugs with their crewmates. The DJ hit play on what was clearly a preselected song by the crew, probably Mark—David Bowie’s “Starman,” which had become half a joke and half their favorite song to sing together on the _Hermes_ —and the party went on. 

\----

### The morning after: Twitter edition. 

  
  


_[Posted with a picture of her with the Beth and Chris, naturally.]_

  
  
  


\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone else feel exhausted because I do tbh.
> 
> I know this format is different and weird, but it was the only way it made sense to get everything I wanted to include in here. I hope you still liked it?


	16. News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shouts into megaphone* 
> 
> It's _BABY TIME!!!_
> 
> (roots from a tumblr story but v updated and improved, hopefully)

Wednesday evenings after nearly a year of marriage were pretty average. Tonight, they’d eaten some food Chris picked up on the way home from work, talked about their days, and now found themselves on the couch, flipping between a Red Sox game and an old rerun of _The Office_.  


Beth liked watching baseball with Chris—he wasn’t one of those people who screamed in agony at the TV screen, but he’d grown up playing baseball and driving into Boston a few times a year to catch a Sox game with his dad. It was close to his heart, and she liked hearing his one-sided commentary as he watched. (She also liked trying not to let him see her laugh when he’d make a disgruntled face and grumble “the fuck was that?” at an umpire every now and then.)

He sat on the couch, legs extended and ankles crossed on the coffee table. She was wrapped in a blanket, sitting perpendicular to him with knees to her chest, tucked in the corner of the cushions. Every now and then she glanced at the screen when something caught her attention, but for the most part, she was thinking. A lot. 

She didn’t know how she was supposed to tell him. She’d seen a million friends and acquaintances gush online about the way they broke pregnancy news, but she found all of that pretty cringeworthy. The idea of a pregnancy test wrapped up in a box made her want to puke, not celebrate. None of that cutesy stuff came close to fitting her personality, but still, it seemed like something she should treat as more than a passing conversation topic.

Each member of an Ares crew, no matter which mission, received checkups by a NASA doctor every six months. It was part of the deal. Hers had been today, and she’d received this particular piece of news. 

They’d talked about this, known that raising a kid together was something they’d like to do. Beth had just figured there would be a little more intention behind it—she’d always been a planner, after all. This had totally caught her off guard, and there was a nervous little voice in her head wondering whether or not Chris would be excited about this surprise. 

(Which was ridiculous, because _of course_ he’d be excited. In fact, knowing how excited he would be was probably what was behind her hesitance—she wanted to do this right, tell him the right way so he’d have a good memory of this that would last forever. Not because that was her ‘duty’ or something. Because she wanted to see him that happy.) 

But she was still nervous, because the idea of being a parent was still far beyond her own level of comprehension. She knew she was excited deep down, but a big pile of nerves was currently keeping that excitement buried way too far within her. 

A loud “Holy _shit_!” snapped her out of her thoughts and back into focus. She looked at the screen, then back at Chris, trying to discern what happened.

“Did you see that?” he yelped, leaning forward on the couch. Before she could ask what ‘that’ was, he was telling her.

“He slid into home and literally rolled himself over in midair to avoid the catcher’s glove!” Chris stared at the TV, wide-eyed and amused, then turned to her with an incredulous grin spread across his face. 

Beth smiled and shook her head fondly. Seeing him so giddy and animated about _anything_ was her favorite thing in the world. It just never got old. She’d do anything to see him that excited over and over again. In fact…

She chewed on her lip, staring into her lap for a moment. 

Chris peered at her and frowned as he leaned back into the couch. She was uncharacteristically quiet. “You in there?” he asked.  

She nodded with a soft chuckle, then untucked herself from the blanket and crawled off the couch. Chris watched her walk over to the counter and fumble around in her purse, then turned back to the TV with a shrug, not thinking anything of it. 

When she returned to her spot on the couch clutching a rolled up piece of paper, Beth felt her heart pounding in her chest. “Chris,” she said quietly. 

He turned to her, eyes wide and curious, and accepted the paper from her extended hand. “What’s this?” he asked with an eyebrow raised. 

Beth didn’t say anything, just watched him with her hands clenched in her lap. He was a doctor. He’d figure it out. 

As he unrolled and read the words in front of him, she watched the look on his face transform from one of concern to one of confusion, then allowed herself to exhale as she saw the glimmer of realization creep into his eyes.

 _SIX MONTH CHECKUP: B. JOHANSSEN_ it read on the top. Below were her standard checkup readings, all normal. Then, at the end of the list: _Pregnancy test positive. 10 weeks. Due 5/22._

(Her doctor had asked if she’d wanted a copy of her report printed out. She said yes. This was Beth Johanssen, who needed to see things stated as fact in order to believe them.) 

Chris looked up to her, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. His hand slowly reached for the remote, fumbling to mute the TV without taking his eyes off her. “Beth...” he practically whispered.

“Yeah,” she said before he could say anything else. The faintest sign of a sheepish smile appeared on her face. “That’s happening.”

He let out a heavy breath that sounded more like a laugh, and his face broke into a stunned smile bigger than she’d ever seen. He murmured her name again as he moved to her on the couch, enveloping her in his arms.

As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she felt flooded with relief—relief that this piece of news wasn’t trapped in her own mind anymore, relief that he seemed thrilled, and relief that he was the person she’d have by her side to figure this whole thing out. She surprised herself by laughing into his shoulder, finally feeling her tense muscles relax as one of her legs snuck around his back and the other remained curled up to her chest within his embrace.

“You’re _pregnant_ ,” he murmured against her neck—not in question, but as if he needed to hear it aloud for it to sink in—as he slowly, subconsciously even, rocked her from side to side.

When she finally pulled away, she took ahold of the blanket that had slumped around her and extended it around his shoulders so that it wrapped them both, linking her hands behind his neck once more. He beamed at her, completely at a loss for words, and she knew she’d never forget the look on his face.

“I thought of waiting to tell you until your birthday next week, but I think I might’ve exploded from being a nervous wreck by then,” she said with another small smile. 

He laughed and pulled her hand to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. “I’m glad you didn’t.” 

She smiled. “You’re excited?” she asked softly.

He laughed again and reached for her face, murmuring something that sounded like _of course I am_ , and gave her the most gentle, loving kiss he could manage. He examined her face as he pulled back, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Are you?”

She bit her teeth down over her lower lip (in that way that made him feel like he was going to _explode_ ) and nodded. “Yeah. I’m terrified, but…” She smiled with a deep breath. “Yeah.” 

Chris smiled again and kissed her forehead. Then, he scrunched his brow. “How… How did this… Aren’t you on something?” he asked. His eyebrows quickly shot up again in concern. “Not that I’m saying I don’t want—” 

Beth laughed and shut him up with another kiss. “Chris. I know.” She smoothed out a crease on his forehead in amusement. “I had to cancel my last appointment to get my depo shot, and I forgot to reschedule it,” she said with a shrug. “I truly just...forgot. Completely.” 

He smiled at her for a moment, then tugged her against him. “Wow.” 

It kind of said it all. 

They sat curled up together for a while, reveling in the feelings of love and life and wonder.

In front of them, the Red Sox scored three straight home runs on the muted, completely ignored TV. If you were to mention this to Chris the next day, he’d have absolutely no idea it happened, and he’d be happy to have missed it. 

“What do we do now?” Beth finally murmured against his chest. 

He kissed her head. “I have no fucking idea.”

She closed her eyes and laughed, holding him closer. They’d be just fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully nobody overdosed on fluff. Tell me what you think? I think I've got a chapter or two left in me. :)


	17. A long, long later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for a gluttonous, preposterous amount of baby fluff? 
> 
> I hope so, because this follows our fave nerds through pregnancy, birth, and the first year of baby Beck's life. (Also, I finally named the damn baby! A true accomplishment, like six months in the making.)
> 
> Minus the quick little intro vignette at the beginning, I went back to list format because it allowed me to fit in everything I wanted. Hope you like it.

###  _A long, long later._

Beth looked up at the TV screen as it played the live feed from the primary camera outside the Hermes. She knew that camera well—she’d controlled it for two and a half years, after all.

The Ares 5 crew had just docked with the ship, and in a matter of days, they’d be off to Mars.

Sitting in a hospital bed in Houston, Texas, Beth really found it hard to believe that she’d been up there. She’d done this same thing, on that same ship, where she’d spent some of the most precious and intense moments of her life.

She couldn’t help but remember one of them now.

> Chris's gentle hands moved on her arm, placing a small bandage over the spot from which he'd just drawn blood. He took samples from each member of the crew every two weeks, and since they were within 10 days of landing, this marked her last appointment of the mission.
> 
> “All done,” he said as he leaned forward and kissed her skin right above the bandage, tools still in his hands. 
> 
> Beth smiled. "I don't know if I like the idea of you not being my doctor anymore." 
> 
> Chris laughed as he stored her sample away with the others for processing, but it was obvious that despite the lighthearted appearance of the exchange, the undertone was bittersweet. He'd been her doctor for over three years now: the whole mission, plus their final year of training, so the crew could get used to him managing their health. It did make her a little sad that he wouldn't be the one poking and prodding her during boring routine checkups anymore. No matter how excited they all were to get home, the _finality_ of it all was emotionally overwhelming at times. 
> 
> She loved the little things, like watching the concentration on his face as he worked and smiling to herself about how gentle he was, no matter what kind of stress or pressure he was under. One of her favorite things about him was the way he walked the fine line between being her doctor and being the man she loved. He was always professional in that he didn’t allow anything to distract him from the task at hand, especially if it involved her well being, but he never changed his demeanor or turned impersonal. His ability to remain objective and manage the health of the person most precious to him—her—made her feel really good about their future. (And about whatever... well, whatever precious additions to their lives that future might hold.) 
> 
> Beth rubbed her sore arm in a peaceful silence as Chris stored away his equipment. When he was done, he squeezed next to her on the tiny medical table and massaged her neck gently.
> 
> “You feel alright?” he asked. He knew she hated bloodwork—the needles, the everything. 
> 
> “Mhmm,” she replied, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Just the usual.” A little nauseous, a little lightheaded. She knew it would pass in a while.
> 
> He kissed her hair and rested his chin atop her head. “You’re a good sport,” he said.
> 
> After a few minutes, the throbbing subsided enough for Beth to curl all the way into his side, one leg still folded on the table and the other draped across his lap. She rested her face against his neck, feeling like she could fall asleep right there.
> 
> “You’d be a good dad, Chris,” she said softly. She wasn't exactly sure where that came from, but whatever. She meant it. 
> 
> (Here's where it came from: A few nights ago, she'd realized that her IUD would reach its five-year limit not long after their return to Earth. She'd have the option to get a new one, but she wasn’t quite sure she’d want to commit to a contraceptive with that long of an effectivity period again. She'd use another method for a while, of course, but the way she felt about Chris was unlike anything she’d ever considered or planned for in the past.)
> 
> Chris's eyes widened, a little floored by her comment but mostly relieved she couldn’t see the dopey smile on his face. “You think?”
> 
> “I know,” she said, not hesitating for even a second. A few moments passed. “I mean, you take care of us five grown children all the time.”
> 
> He had to chuckle. “Well, for the record, you’d be an amazing mother too."
> 
> She exhaled slowly. “That I’m less sure about.”
> 
> He frowned, leaning away to look at the half of her face he could see. “What do you mean?”
> 
> She shrugged into his shoulder. “I don’t know anything about taking care of someone like that.”
> 
> He let out a breath and scrunched his face. “Beth, you take care of me every day. Just by being yourself.” He pressed a prolonged kiss to the top of her head. “That’s the only thing you need to know how to do.”
> 
> She angled her head to look up at him, sincerity gleaming in his eyes. She felt a lump form in her throat when he offered another smile. 
> 
> “I think we’d do a good job,” he said, his voice a little sheepish. “Someday, you know, when we’re not in space,” he added quickly.
> 
> She smiled and buried her face in his neck again, her arms squeezing tighter around his waist. The whole kid thing was way too much for her to fathom right now, but she knew that if she were ever to go down that road, it would be with him. And she liked that idea.
> 
> “I love you,” she mumbled against his skin, barely audible.
> 
> The smile on Chris’s face widened as he returned his chin to the top of her head. “I love you too.”
> 
> Sure, he’d thought about the possibility of being a father one day, but the idea had never felt real enough to imagine before. With Beth, that was different.
> 
> Not now, not even soon. But eventually. Later. Because they had a later. If he knew one thing, it was that they had a long, long later in front of them. 

Snapping back into focus, Beth looked away from the TV down at the warm bundle in her arms. She traced a finger across the little girl’s soft cheek, still in disbelief that this tiny human was hers.

She turned to the not-so-tiny but still warm human on her right. Chris was watching her with sweet, tired eyes, slumped back against the upright bed. She leaned back against his chest, holding their baby between them where they could both see her, and felt his arm settle around her shoulder.

“Remember when you told me you weren’t sure if you’d be a good mom?” Chris asked.

Beth looked up at him, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly agape. “I—I was just thinking about that,” she admitted.

“Really?”

She nodded and chuckled a little, realizing she shouldn’t even be surprised—they’d been on the same page since day one.

Chris kissed her cheek and tucked his head against hers. “Well I’ve been watching you for like 10 minutes, and I’m here to tell you you’ve already proved yourself wrong.”

Beth rolled her eyes, but not even biting her lip could contain the smile on her face. She watched as Chris reached down to adjust the little yellow cap on their daughter’s head, then stroked his fingers along the side of her face.

She let herself close her eyes, though a faint smile still lingered on her face. "Well, you’ve already proved me right.”

  
  
  


###  _year one_

i. Pregnancy is pretty rough on Beth. The fact that she’s so small to begin with gives her more than the average amount of discomfort once her belly gets big and she has all that extra weight to carry. The whole experience, plus being in labor for ten hours, makes her really hesitant to subject herself to pregnancy again. She’d do it all again in a heartbeat for their daughter, of course, but the thought of putting her body through that a second time isn’t that appealing. (Three and a half years later, when they welcome a baby boy—named Elliott, because they both considered E.T. their favorite movie growing up—she’s pretty damn glad she reconsidered. But holy hell, no more.)  


ii. Toward the beginning, when her morning sickness is at its worst (and it gets pretty bad), Chris sits silently with her on the tile floor in the bathroom until the nausea passes, just so she isn’t alone. Sometimes she’s miserable and sometimes she cries and sometimes she mutters things like “how is this even worth it” between tears. Chris knows those are just usual Beth-isms and not things she truly means, but he still can’t help but feel guilty for not being able to carry any of the burden. Once her stomach feels alright again and she relaxes against him on the floor for a while, she’ll kiss his cheek and whisper, “you know I didn’t mean that.” And he’ll squeeze her and make her some tea and they’ll go about the rest of their day. 

iii. It really puts Chris out of his element to watch her in so much discomfort and not be able to help at all. He’s a doctor, for christ’s sake, and it’s _hell_ for him to accept that the whole pregnancy thing comes with lots of situations in which he can’t help her feel better. He also gets caught up in how unfair it seems that she has to deal with all the shitty, uncomfortable stuff in order for them to have something they both want. (Thanks, human anatomy and biological history of human life.) But she knows him, and she can tell he feels that way. It’s sweet, really, because she knows he cares so deeply, but she’s also the first to remind him that she’s doing this because she wants it too, and it’s not a burden. Anytime he sees that she’s in pain he does everything he can to help, even if it’s just rubbing her back or lying down next to her, and anytime he gets that heartbroken look on his face when he realizes he can’t do more, she makes him laugh by saying something silly like, “Chris, it’s not your fault you don’t have a uterus.” Most of the time, just knowing that he’s there is the first step toward feeling better. 

iv. What he can do, he realizes, is study up on everything he’s ever learned about prenatal, postpartum, and infant health so that he can be as helpful as possible. He’s not hyper-paranoid about something going wrong; he just has an _I’m-a-doctor-so-you’re-damn-right-I’m-going-to-keep-my-wife-and-kid-healthy_ mindset. One of the things Beth’s always loved most about him is how fully he commits himself to his work and research, and she never fails to smile when she finds him reading on the couch or in bed, because she knows what he’s doing. Later, she quickly learns that having a husband who can easily diagnose an ear infection and dispel any _new-parent-who-thinks-their-baby-is-dying-whenever-she-coughs_ panic is pretty fucking great. 

v. Naturally, Chris makes it his top priority to ask pretty much everyone in his doctor networks about the best pediatricians in Houston so they can find one that they both like and trust. They also agree ahead of time that even though Chris will almost always be the first to weigh in on their kid’s health, they’ll seek out a second, more objective opinion for anything that seems more serious than something like a cold or the flu. 

vi. Beth has always been more of a planner than Chris, but their scientist brains put them in agreement that major unknown variables are _bad_. Which is why they have her OB-GYN tell them the sex of their baby as soon as it’s evident. (A simple “you’re having a girl” does the trick, no “reveal” parties or photoshoots, _thank you very fucking much_.) Chris tears up. Beth bites her lip and smiles wider than he’s ever seen. 

vii. They refuse to make the baby’s room space-themed, despite the amount of friends and family members who think they’re hilarious for asking if that’s their plan. (That doesn’t stop nearly half of the baby gifts they receive from being space-themed, though. The kid will have enough space books and clothes to last until she’s three. But it’s kind of hard to be annoyed when you hold up a tiny baby sleep suit covered in little spaceships.) Instead, the room is nice and simple—mostly yellow, white, and gray. They do settle for one impossible-to-resist space-y accessory, though: a mobile of the planets to hang above her crib that (naturally) plays “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” 

viii. Beth feels her kick for the first time a while after they’ve both gone to bed one night, and she gasps and shakes Chris awake. At first, he’s groggy and doesn’t know what’s going on, but then she grabs his hand and holds it against her stomach. She watches his eyes widen and his face become totally alert as he meets her gaze and smiles. (Then she cries. Fucking hormones.) For the rest of her pregnancy, whenever she and Chris say goodnight, he kisses her and then kisses her belly too. 

ix. Later, if you asked Beth what her favorite part of being pregnant was, first she’d roll her eyes and say, “Are you fucking kidding me?” but then she’d say it was the afternoon naps on the weekends when she and Chris were both home. They’d sprawl out on the bed with Chris’s head on her chest and his hand on her belly and just relax. (This doesn’t end once she gives birth, though—they do the same thing, except with their baby girl, so tiny against the big bed, curled up between them.) 

x. Amy informs Beth that she will be having a baby shower, even if she has to be dragged kicking and screaming to it. (This announcement results in Chris nearly choking on his water and mumbling, “Good luck with that.”) Amy just rolls her eyes Beth-style and says, “Do you think I met you yesterday? As if I’d ever subject you to embarrassing games and that sort of shit.” (Good sister-in-law, that Amy.) Instead, Marissa Martinez orders a bunch of delicious food for the small group, and they basically just marathon old episodes of Downton Abbey for an afternoon. And Beth’s friends get her a bunch of baby stuff she was going to have to buy anyway. (“Which was like...awesome,” she admits to a smirking Amy afterward.) 

xi. As she gets closer and closer to her due date, Beth’s biggest cravings are Kraft mac & cheese—the Spongebob kind, she _swears_ it tastes better—and peanut butter  & jelly sandwiches. Chris happily obliges in preparing one or the other every time she gets hungry at some weird hour of the night, mostly because he’s relieved she didn’t develop cravings for like, a whole tray of Oreos per day. 

xii. Because she’s already so small, Beth develops quite a waddle as her belly reaches its biggest size toward the end. She grumbles about it all the time, and Chris is careful never to let her see him grinning his face off as he watches her. 

xiii. Beth’s water breaks around 8:30pm toward the end of an unusually long work day. (NASA is less than 24 hours away from the Ares 5 launch, after all.) Word travels fast, and she doesn’t even have the chance to call Chris herself before he’s scrambling from his side of the building to hers, apparently alerted of the development over IM thanks to one of her coworkers. They both happen to be at Johnson Space Center at the time—launch days tend to inspire an “all hands on deck” mentality, even when people aren’t scheduled to work—although they’ve both technically been acting more as consultants than full-time employees to NASA for the last year or so. (He’s still knee-deep in researching the medical data from their own mission while serving as a key advisor for astronaut health for the Ares 5 crew; she was contracted to update the Hermes OS so that no astronaut would ever be able to pull off the hacking job she did—a task she accepted with a smirk—and now continues to engineer computer systems for NASA projects both within and outside of the Ares program. They don’t plan on staying there forever, but they both felt a deep responsibility to lend their expertise to the last Ares mission, especially after learning their friend would be a part of it.) 

xiv. At the time, Brendan Hutch, the Ares 5 flight director, already has an open line of communication with the crew in Cape Canaveral while they do the last few night-before briefings. When word makes it back to Mission Control that they’d left for the hospital, he happily announces that “a certain Beth Johanssen of Ares 3 has gone into labor and is en route to the hospital” over the not-yet-public transmission throughout JSC and the Ares 5 crew. A certain Rick Martinez is elated to hear the news. (The next day, after the launch, Hutch would make a similar announcement upon learning of the baby’s healthy arrival.) 

xv. Beth is in labor for close to ten hours, but at least it’s more boring and uncomfortable than it is miserable. When it’s finally time to push, Chris grips her hand tight. “Remember, you survived a tattoo needle. You got this,” he whispers with a smirk, and Beth (deliriously) laughs so hard she actually relaxes enough to lead to a major push. She squeezes his hand tight, just like she did in that tattoo shop, and thinks about how he was there back then, before they were _them_ , and how he’s here now, about to become a parent alongside her. He’s always been right there beside her, right when she needs him.

xvi. When it’s over, he tells her how incredible she was, and he’s the one squeezing _her_ hand when they hear their daughter’s cry for the first time. The OB-GYN lets Chris cut the umbilical cord (“You doctors always like to be involved, after all,” she says with a smirk) and they both watch in awe as the nurses get her all cleaned up. 

xvii. Finally, when she’s diaper-clad and swaddled with a baby beanie atop her head, she’s placed in Chris’s arms, and he walks her over to Beth in the bed. When Beth sees him for the first time with the little bundle in his arms, she lets out a gasp (that sounds more like a sob) as her eyes flood with tears. When he—half concerned and half amused—asks what’s wrong, she just whimpers, “You’re holding our _baby_.”

xviii. Her name is Ruby Johanssen Beck. They decide early on that her middle name will be Johanssen, since they want her to have Beth’s name too, but they don’t want to make her deal with the whole hyphenated-last name thing. Beth had thought of the name Ruby at around six months pregnant, when she was on hold on the phone with an air conditioning repair guy. (No, really.) She’d been tapping her fingers on the desk to the terrible hold music, staring absentmindedly the ring on her finger Chris had given her for their engagement. It was a silver antique ring with a single ruby, and it had belonged to his grandmother. _Ruby_ , she thought. _That’s a nice name_. She asked Chris what he thought about it, and he loved it. Much later, just weeks before she’s born, Chris makes a casual, mindless observation along the lines of _You know, ruby’s the color of Mars, too_. A very pregnant (read: very hormonal) Beth realizes he’s right and immediately bursts into tears. Chris hugs her on the couch until she stops crying, secretly giggling into her shoulder because her reaction is so sweet.

xix. Ruby’s born in the early hours of the morning, so there’s plenty of time for the chaotic hours of afterbirth bustling and swaddling and feeding before it’s time to tune in to the Ares 5 launch. She’s a saint and sleeps quietly in Chris’s arms through the whole thing, thankfully refraining from pulling her nervous parents away from the TV screen. When it’s over, the nurse (firmly) suggests taking Ruby to the nursery with the other new babies for a while so Beth and Chris can sleep. “If you could’ve seen how tense you both were during that whole thing, you’d agree with me,” she says with a smile. “Not to mention the fact that you just had a freaking baby,” she adds, looking at Beth. “Take a rest.” (It’s good advice. They hadn’t slept since waking up the morning before.) 

xx. She’s born two weeks early, meaning her actual due date was well after the Ares 5 launch date. Rick Martinez had come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t meet her until his return a year later, so he and Marissa had planned accordingly: She hand-stitches  _ONLY BABY WHOSE PARENTS WENT TO MARS_  on a little newborn onesie (Rick’s idea) and brings it to Chris and Beth in the hospital the next day after returning from the launch site in Cape Canaveral. Beth squeals and then cries; Chris grins so hard he thinks his face might fall off. They dress Ruby in the onesie and send a picture up to Martinez in space and to their close friends and family as an unofficial birth announcement. (It’s also the second baby picture Beth Instagrams, captioned _Well it IS true. Thanks @mjrmartinez *winky emoji*_. The first is a picture of tiny baby Ruby in the middle of a tiny baby yawn, swaddled up in the plastic bassinet with a hospital-provided label on the side that reads “Hi! My name is RUBY BECK.”)

xxi. Ruby has Beth’s big brown eyes, but the rest of her face, especially her lips and chin, is totally Chris. Sometimes Beth catches herself just _staring_ at her, in awe of how weird and incredible it is that she can see both herself and her husband in this little girl’s face—that she is literally what you get when you mix together Chris Beck and Beth Johanssen. An actual product of them. It’s a million times crazier than going to Mars. 

xxii. Beth insists she isn’t going to have a ‘baby voice’ for when she talks to her daughter. She is very wrong. Chris doesn’t even bother trying to claim that he won’t.   

xxiii. Having a newborn is _hard fucking work_. Which they expected, of course, but there’s really no way to know just how crazy it is until you’re in the middle of it. There are lots of sleepless nights and endless days of holding Ruby while she cries and desperately trying to figure out what she wants. It breaks both of their hearts to hear her cry and not know what she needs, but slowly getting to know the ins and outs of their little human is also one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. Chris is always there to calm Beth down when she panics that she’s not doing something right, and she’s always there to put her hands on his shoulders and tell him that yes, he’s doing enough, and yes, she feels just as clueless as he does. They figure it out, and they do a great job. 

xxiv. For the first few weeks, Beth’s camera roll on her phone is nothing but pictures of Ruby or Chris curled up with Ruby asleep in his arms. (Arm, really, because she fits in just one.) Watching them together is her favorite thing to do, and she feels like her heart is going to burst at any given moment. It’s the same for Chris, except the majority of his photos are of Beth nursing, with Ruby sweetly tucked in tight to her chest. Watching his wife and baby like that is the most beautiful and breathtaking thing he’s ever seen. Sometimes he just curls up next to Beth, tucks his head into her shoulder, and sits with them. Especially during those 4am feedings where Beth’s so tired she can hardly walk straight. (She’s understandably grumpy that late, but then she falls asleep with her head against him and tells him she loves him in a sleepy daze after he puts Ruby back in her crib and walks them back to their room.) 

xxv. When Chris goes back to work after his month-long paternity leave, Beth sends him pictures of Ruby with captions like “LOOK! AT! HER!” all day long, partly because she knows he misses her and partly because he’s not there for her to yell that out loud. (The worst part about not having him around all day anymore is exactly that—not having someone to gawk and share all the sweet moments with.) When he gets home every day, he goes straight to Ruby and just totally swarms her, partly because he misses her and partly to give Beth a goddamn break after being with her all day. In that time, Beth will usually take a long shower, make herself something to eat, indulge in some laptop time, and then find Chris asleep on the couch with his arms wrapped around a little Ruby asleep on his chest. Her heart will never fail to melt every time. 

xxvi. Their girl gets fussy when she goes too long without being held, so Beth and Chris both become big fans of their baby carrier. Strapping Ruby tight to her chest allows Beth to keep her hands free to do stuff while she’s home with her all day. She likes working at her computer that way, especially when Ruby falls asleep snuggled in there and Beth can lean against her warm little head while she works. Chris likes strapping her to his chest when they go for walks outside so he can watch her looking around and trying to figure out what the hell the world is all about. (He also likes when people they pass along the way gawk about how cute she is.) 

xxvii. Beth’s maternity leave lasts six months, but when it’s over, she and Chris take turns working from home a couple days out of every week. That lets them ease Ruby into being left with a nanny now and then (and, let’s be real, it lets them ease _themselves_ into leaving her with someone else). It’s easy enough for Beth—she can pretty much work from anywhere she has a computer—and Chris can put in lab time on the days he goes to work and save all his writing for when he’s at home. (Side note: He wrote so many papers on all his research from the mission within their first year back that NASA decides he should just write a full book. They hook him up with a university publisher, and as he gets deeper into writing, he does even more of the work from home, which works out well as Ruby turns into a high-maintenance toddler.)  

xxviii. They have a million nicknames for her (Rubes, Rubeezy, Rubygirl…the list goes on). Besides those, Chris tends to alternate between ‘lovebug,’ ‘peanut,’ and ‘pumpkin,’ and Beth uses ‘bunny’ when she’s a baby and ‘girlie’ as she grows up. Naturally, nickname usage turns into a competition wherein victory is achieved by either Beth or Chris using a nickname that ‘belongs’ to the other. It plays out like this: If Chris slips and refers to Ruby as ‘bunny,’ a.k.a. one of Beth’s names, Beth gets to scream “HA!” and declare herself the mightier parent for the day. (This contest format returns years later, once Ruby’s old enough to watch and somewhat understand _Star Wars_ and _Star Trek_. They’re both hellbent on her being a bigger fan of their preferred franchise—Trek for Chris, Wars for Beth—and if Ruby were to refer to Trek, for example, Chris would be obnoxiously smug for the rest of the day. This mostly backfires, and Ruby hates both by age 10.) 

xxix. Beth changes her Instagram bio to “One time I went to Mars but now I just post baby pictures.” (And then a link to her personal website as a nice reminder that she does, in fact, do _a lot_ more than just post baby pictures.) 

xxx. As much as she jokes around like that, Beth is adamant about maintaining her identity outside of motherhood. She doesn’t buy into the idea that she should think of herself as “a mother first and foremost” or anything like that. (She felt the same way when she became a wife.) She’s crazy in love with her daughter but she’s just as much of a programmer and an astronaut and a software engineer and a runner and a giant nerd and a gamer and a wife and a friend as she is a mother. Those are all equal parts of herself, even though some require more time and energy (and in return, provide her with way more love). 

xxxi. Ruby’s first word is _mama_ , amid a flurry of other babbling noises at around eight months old. She says it in her high chair after being fed dinner, while Beth is washing some dishes and Chris is on his laptop at the counter. They both look at each other like _did that just happen?_ and rush over to try and get her to say it again. Ruby mostly just giggles her cute baby giggle but indulges them in saying it a few more times. The next day, while Chris is at work, Beth mostly ignores the whole working-from-home thing in favor of spending the whole day trying to get her to say _dada_. It works, but not until Ruby sees him walk into the kitchen when he gets home. The look on his face makes Beth cry. (“I cried way less before you came along,” she grumbles to him later.) 

xxxii. She’s really slow to start walking, even though she stands on her own all the time. (There’s nothing cuter than a baby wobbling backward and landing on her butt, though, so it’s okay.) A little before Ruby’s first birthday, Chris has to travel to present at a conference in Geneva, and when he gets back after five days away, he squats down and holds his arms out to her as she’s playing with Beth on the floor. She giggles, lets go of Beth’s hand, and takes her first few steps over to Chris with her arms out in front of her Frankenstein-style. They spend the next half an hour laughing and trying to get her to walk between them. It’s moments like that when Beth and Chris are both left speechless by how much love they have for a little human who can’t even talk. There’s just no real way to make sense of the feeling. That freaks Beth out a little, since she always feels most comfortable when she can find ways to explain the things around her, but she learns that it’s better just to feel it than to think too hard about it. 

xxxiii. On her first birthday, they have a little party at their house with a small group—their friends who have kids, those sort of people—mostly as an excuse to hang out and put Ruby in a cute dress. (“She’s not going to remember this, and I’m not under the delusion that she’ll actually care once she’s old enough to know what a party is,” says a certain mother notorious for eye rolls.) Once everyone goes home and the sun goes down, the three of them curl up on the hammock in their backyard and Chris points out Mars in the sky. He tells a sleepy Ruby, perched on his stomach, all about how he and her mom went there once, and it’s sort of the reason why she exists at all. Beth just smiles fondly as she tucks herself closer against him and watches Ruby look up at the sky with her big, curious baby eyes. 

xxxiv. Beth wonders what it’ll be like to tell her about space and Mars and the mission, one day when she’s old enough to comprehend it all. “Comprehend it all” is a funny phrase, she thinks. She’s seen the world, literally, with her own eyes from up in space, and yet as far as she’s concerned, the whole world is curled up with her right here in a hammock in her own backyard. Some things, she decides, are just better when they leave you in wonder and in awe. 

  


\---------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's time for me to wrap up this series, folks. That doesn't mean I won't write more—I just think it'll be separate. This has been about as fill-in-the-canon as I'm capable of; I'm not great at developing new characters from scratch, so I wouldn't want to ruin a good thing by trying to do that with a walking, talking little human. 
> 
> That said, thanks so much for following this little experiment and allowing me to repost (and massively improve) things I'd written before in a new format! I'd really like to write more about Beth & Chris, especially during their time on the ship, so if you have any ideas or prompts you'd like to read, please let me know and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> ♥ ♥ ♥


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